Do you feel no-one listens to you?

I only use a mobile now because you can put it on loudspeaker, put it down and get on with something else whilst the monologue is going on😬

In lockdown I used to do my daily exercises that way.

It’s not you. It’s them.

I sometimes do that Lathyrus!

Honestly, I think it's quite common, maybe it becomes more apparent as we get older. I have one friend, we've known each other from school days, whose main topic of conversation is her one child, she spends an inordinate amount of time with her daughter, they holiday together, they dine out together, none of these things she does with her husband and the daughter is without a partner. When we meet for lunch and she arrives first she'll be on the phone to her and then she'll also be the main topic of conversation. Increasingly, I find I'm just listening, like you have stated, little opportunity to interject. I think she's forgotten that conversation is only really worthwhile when it's an exchange and sometimes it should be incumbent on her to be the listener. I don't meet her so much anymore for that one reason, I'm bored with it! I'm finding I'm enjoying meeting up with my new found group, or another friend where numerous topics are covered and no one person dominates.

Try WhatsAping friends, briefer, but at least you can have your say!

Yes I know and isn't it frustrating. Some people only want to hear their own voices. I always listen , I never overspeak , I wait till they are done , then I try to say something, I get 12 words out and boom they come back with a vengeance.

It’s a rare thing to find a good listener- but when you , treasure him/her.

It seems it may be even rarer to be a good listener.

It's a good idea to suggest these people WhatsApp you. I find there are few I want to spend phone talk time on instead of in person and yes, sharers. Choices one way or another at the gym where I have down some for 15 years and some now stick to their ailments. But others lively and mutually caring.

OTOH I keep up with some people by WhatsApp works well, newsy bits,

but maybe most of all.....its good for tricky conversations, where one needs to think before answering and vice versa.

known some not down some.

I just got a call from a friend like this, she talked for nearly an hour with me just umming and ahhhing in response.
Is all about her ex husband and his new girlfriend and the minutiae of their lives.
Never asked about me and mine so I didn’t bother to tell her.
At the finish I said there was a delivery at the door. There wasn’t.
Thankfully she doesn’t call very often.

Lathyrus3

I only use a mobile now because you can put it on loudspeaker, put it down and get on with something else whilst the monologue is going on😬

In lockdown I used to do my daily exercises that way.

😂I think you’ve got the right idea.

I’d be looking for a new set of friends, couldn’t stand it.Life’s too short.

My neighbour is one of those - can’t get a word in edgeways 😫

She’s got 5 GC , but only talks about 2 of them, which I find sad .Probably because they live around the corner and the others, an hours drive away.

Yes I have found this. I spoke to one friend on Friday well actually she spoke to me non stop. I only ring her once a week and may leave it a week or 2 now. My sister is the same and she interrupts all the time when I speak. Its exhausting.

But my cousin is great on the phone. A proper conversation. Also 2 other friends one lives far and we arrange a time to ring for a good catch up. The other friend I meet up with. Known each other 50 plus years and we have such a good talk.

So I think it is just the other people OP. Some are just like that. With the Friday friend I suspect maybe its the start of dementia. With my sister well she just knows better than I do about everything!!!

I have a long standing friend like this who also lives in another part of the country. Our ‘conversations’ - usually pre-arranged - are never less than a couple of hours and yes, she rabbits, but I don’t mind because we’ve known each other half a lifetime and I love her dearly. She has a lovely regional accent and is never short of something to say, and when I’m not listening, I’m laughing so hard I can’t speak anyway! She’s a joy.

This is the thing, the 2 examples I mentioned I have known for a lot of years and are really nice people.
One of them, we do Whats App each other its when it comes to actual conversation. The other one wouldn't know a thing about whats app.
I am a good listener but it would be nice if it was reciprocated.

If people on the phone bore me I say are you still there Marlene making Marlene think there is something wrong with the line.
Obviously Marlene will be prattling on and I keep saying are you there, the lines gone dead, oh what’s that noise
Then I end the call. If Marlene phones back ignore her.

Lathyrus3

It’s not you. It’s them.

But if they annpy you, it's up to you to do something about it. Keep a list of ways to halt the monologue

"Oh, just a minute... kitchen timer went off/ bird flew into window/ cat wants to come in." . Say it once, immediately put phone down and walk out of the room. Let them wait a minute or two. Come back to phone. You speak first

" Sorry about that. Joan. I was about to tell you the news about my job /operation / new book". and just keep talking.

If they interrupt

" I listened when you were talking before, Joan. Now it's your turn to let me speak".

They interrupt

" Oh, there's the doorbell. Sorry, I have to go".

My sister is one of thses convo always about herself lol
If I try to divert the convo she bring it back to herself love her to bits but texting is best but sometimes I get a long really long text l

I wonder if any of the people who speak non-stop complain afterwards that they had to do all the talking, that the other person didnt have a word to say

That is a possibility Oldnproud. I like Lathyrus' take on it... loudspeaker and exercise. But I can't multitask anymore 😔

One person I know does drone on and on. When she pauses for breath I try to get into the conversation, but once she’s got her breath back she just talks over me. It’s tiresome!

Many people seem to have friend like this. Mine is an old school friend. Once when I fell asleep I was woken by her saying Are you still there. Then told me she must have a very soporific voice as another friend started snoring

Actually got me wondering if I’m ever guilty of this! I do like a good chat. Quite good to stop and think for a moment. I’ll bear it in mind for next time!