Relationship advice needed please

Newnana2

"Equal opportinities to see the gc" - what can go wrong with that little statement?

1. Gc is not a timeshare - expectations are your downfall
2. You only express interest in the gc ignoring the parents - your relationship with the kids is as good as the one with the parents

Same old as your old posts - nothing will improve unless you do not adjust yourself

Thank you. Never compare with them at all. There just needs to be equal opportunities to see the grandchild.

Thank you for this. I kept my peace and didn’t show my hurt, walked away, cried a little and processed the event. 24 hours makes a lot of difference. I don’t want to hurt my son and DiL they are both very good devoted parents. I just need to establish boundaries which promote healthy relationships and builds solid foundations. I don’t want to be competing with DiL’s parents.

I had some unnecessary arguments with our Dil and our Sil. Over time resolved thankfully now but at the time upsetting.
This came at a time when my Dh had retired and was finding it difficult. He made plans but he somehow struggled and felt lost. I have learnt to be more patient and tolerant and less vocal dealing with family niggles.
Talk to your Ds and Dil without judgement and be calm when you do and tell them how you feel.
They are new parents and only see how they feel they might not realise you are feeling hurt. I hope things improve for you take one day at a time.

My ds1 and Dd live close by so I’ve always seen them on a regular basis.
DS2 live an hour and a half away. Often ask us over, but Dh doesn’t like the drive any more.
They are a very busy family so we only see them occassionally.
I respect their time and we always fit in with them.
I suppose we’re, lucky that we see the others often .

My advice is Just go with the flow and don’t wait around. Make a life for yourself and keep busy. Enjoy them when you do see them.

Inviting them round for a meal is a good idea NewNana as is being less available for dog sitting, you might be appreciated a bit more when you are available.

Can you talk with them, or if talking with both feels tough, start with a quiet, non confrontational chat with your son. Maybe avoid making comparisons with the maternal grandparents just talk about trying to have an idea about get tigethers

Ignore thread police newnana.
Post away.
I am maternal gran with similar situation so understand how upsetting this can be.

Thank you for pointing this out. I did try to find my first post but was unsuccessful.

i’ve just written a post about exactly the same - i’ve offered no end of whatever i can and even though son and DIL live half an hour from me and 20mins from maternal GP I am constantly feeling i beg to come over for coffee /visit and am never allowed to babysit or take baby out but MGP gets unlimited access, babysits and has over night stays - i’m at a loss of how this can be seen as the norm for the DIL and family yet the family of babies father is to accept they are not relevant and pipe down
and to expect no explanation - just cruel in my eyes.

thought it sounded familiar.

Thread

May I ask why yet you open another qith same concerns?

What has changed since opened past threads?

be less available for dog sitting

I think you need to talk to them about how you feel

But maybe you could try being proactive first? Invite them around for meals every now and then? Concentrate on having a good relationship with the parents?

Maybe they are tired after the trips and just don't realise they are being thoughtless

It may be that they appreciate you more than you know and are just really rubbish at remembering to tell you. Sometimes calmly pointing that out gets people a long way

Tell them. They likely have no idea how you are feeling. Some are a bit dumb that way.