Sleeping in separate beds - does it help?

It makes me very angry to think your OH has waited 3 years for surgery - it is a disgrace.

I moved into another room when my OH was so ill - he was totally paranoid and thought I was going to kill him. It was intolerable. He was angry about it, but self-preservation was the name of the game. A bit of me still feels bad about it. But there was nothing else to be done.

Cant understand why anyone would feel their relationship is on the rocks just because they sleep in separate rooms.!
My O H and I have had our own rooms for years now. We both enjoy a good nights sleep , or have a read through the night etc. Whoever gets up first in the morning brings in the tea, we have a cuddle and talk about our plans for the day.

It was my RLS (I had kicked DH where it hurts a few times) that prompted a change to twin beds pushed together. we each had our own mattresses and duvets with a king-sized throw over the top. The arrangement was a god send when DH developed Dementia and thereafter became incontinent. I was right there when needed or for a cuddle, but only needed to change half the bedding after an accident.

Two beds pushed together, so separate mattresses , two douvets of different togs - works well for us. Also have a double bed made up ( for me ) for when he is in snoring mode !!!!
Two beds , or separate rooms, definitely not a sign of a deteriorating relationship, quite the opposite IMO.

Thank you everyone for your support. We need a new bed so I will definitely consider two small doubles pushed together. Thank you.

My DH is also a stroke patient so already on high meds.

I know lots of people don't share beds, popular with the Royals! But we would both feel lonely now to separate at night especially at this stage in life.

We have a gap in between our 2 small doubles, with a small bedside table and a table lamp. Makes it much easier for getting up and for making the beds. But we are still close and feel 'together'.

I move beds most nights being menopausal I like the bedroom really cold and cannot sleep if it is too warm.
Having been married 42 years where we sleep is irrelevant just getting some sleep is far more important.

When the cancer spread to DH'S bones I would go off into another bedroom as I did not want to cause him pain by accidentally bumping into him. The look of sorrow in his eyes was awful but I needed the sleep too.
I would be up at 6am attending to him and then make tea and I would climb into bed with him and we would chat.
In 54 years we only spent the last couple of weeks in separate beds.

For some sleeping in seperate beds is quite OK but for others sleeping seperately can lead to living seperate lives and the end of a marrage. I would think carefully before doing it and don't think your patrner saying OK as it really being OK.

Foxglove77
Both my parents and my in-laws went for zip together beds with separate duvets and it worked well.
I think the fact that they are attached feels better than two pushed together.

One of our bedrooms has 2 beds pushed together but we "make" the bed with one super-king size sheet which forces the mattresses together and makes it nicer to sleep in as a couple. It makes the room more versatile but is not a long-term solution I think.

DH sleeps in the spare bed (a snoring issue) but we still have "our bedroom" where all his clothes etc. remain, and where I sleep. Every morning he brings me a cuppa and joins me in bed. (When away, we may sleep together but we try to have two bedrooms!)

Separate beds pushed together so you don't share a mattress! Each gets their own comfort, but you're still together. I'd do it!!