Do birthdays still matter?

Maybe to him, birthdays do not matter, your gifts to him were surprises he did not ask for nor expect those gifts. If you want to be treated the same tell him.

I am not a birthday person and feel embarrassed when given expensive gifts or a lot of fuss, my daughter loves birthdays so I make sure she gets a fuss made.

We are different, there is no right or wrong.

No, YANBU but it's obvious that you're the one who makes an effort while others don't bother. This is the trouble with such things, isn't it? At least it wasn't forgotten entirely.

I dont want to sound like a spoilt brat but I do like to celebrate my birthday and the only way to get the message across is to tell them. Please don’t wait until the day to feel let down. In the past I have done exactly the same as you and got up on my birthday to same. Let them know how you feel as not all men are good at these things. A belated happy birthday from me.

Oh dear! No, YANBU and you have every right to feel disappointed after making all that effort for your DH.

Here's a plan, book a table in a nice restaurant, taking him and his credit card shopping a few days before to your favourite shops - think new dress, shoes, perfume etc - and when he asks what it's all about tell him that it is compensation for your disappointingly uneventful birthday recently.

I'm not bothered about my birthday I have one every year .

I do buy nice things for my family and friends but I tell them every year NO presents for me,IF they feel they need to buy something ,make a donation to Mary's Meals ,no need to tell me about it as an excuse why you aren't handing me something .I didn't want anything thats why I said it .

H1954 If you feel the need to ambush your OH and his credit card then I'd say you dont have a great relationship .Love doesn't equal how much cash he spends on you.Not in my life

I have told my adult children I do not want any birthday presents, and they aren't getting any either. We will, instead, go for a meal together, or a day out etc. Much more fun.

I can understand that you felt a little disappointed. I don't think birthdays mean as much to men as they do to us, and they can be thoughtless. You deserve a nice new dress, or something, to compensate.

Surely you must know by now what to expect? Either he’s the type to make an effort or not….. Was it a special birthday?

I think it's nice to show someone that you remember them on a day that's 'theirs'. I am not a card person, but do buy presents, or organise treats for friends and family.

What I don't like is being asked what I want for my birthday. I'm lucky enough not to need anything, so would prefer a surprise. The value doesn't matter - it is genuinely the thought that counts - but there's no thought involved if someone goes online (or to a shop) and just buys off-list.

I remember organising a big treat for my husband's 60th birthday, and wondering if he'd do the same for mine. Very sadly he died when I was 59, so I'll never know. Spoil yourself, some people just aren't good at planning birthday gifts/surprises.

I'm genuinely not bothered about my own birthday but do love finding or buying treats for others.

My adult boys don't care about birthdays at all. Maybe because they tend to buy what they need whenever they need it....?
My husband isn't bothered about his birthday either and thinks it's a lot of fuss about nothing.

My 3 daughters enjoy birthdays (and always have in mind something that is a bit more money than they'd usually spend that they'd fancy).

The two sons are harder to buy for too.

I suppose, as a friend's husband once said - why bother marking that you have managed to survive for another year?
He was really sweet about his wedding anniversary though. This marked, he thought, another year of love and acceptance and was something they both had "worked" at together. He was a truly lovely man.

Mr. B and I always go somewhere nice on my birthday, it doesn’t have to be expensive and I don’t expect presents but there has to be cake

I think birthdays do matter but if they don’t mater to him then don’t make a fuss on his birthday.

It’s a ‘man thing’ for many gents! We’ve been together 49 years and I’ve always made more effort, but never felt miffed about it - that is just how it is.

My bloke forgot my birthday for the 3rd year in a row this year. I always remember his. I don't care about gifts or big gestures, but I'm afraid I do think that people show you how much they value you with stuff like this.

A card and flowers would be fine. I don't actually want more 'stuff'. DD did cards, flowers and a cake and that was lovely. I'm actually easily pleased.

Im not in the slightest bit bothered for my own birthday but for my friends i make an effort and sometimes bake a cake ( sometimes)

For my husband its a case of he now gets a card, end of. The reason being, i have bought things over the years that he has requested, where are they ???? In the wardrobe thats where, so he gets a card and thats my job done

If a big fuss was made on my birthday I would feel I was not worthy of such a 'song and a dance', but I would want to make a 'song and a dance' for others.

paddyann54

H1954 If you feel the need to ambush your OH and his credit card then I'd say you dont have a great relationship .Love doesn't equal how much cash he spends on you.Not in my life

The amount of cash spent isn't important, but feeling he cares enough to do something matters. He's not stupid, he knows it matters to her, as she treats him on his birthday.
OP you should tell him how you feel.

In general I don't think men do birthday presents like women do....My daughter will pick me something every birthday and Christmas from her dad and he gives her the money....

My birthday means a lot to me. Don't know why. Always has. Guess stimulated by the fuss my Mum always made. I used to always take a day leave when in business so that I could celebrate my day exactly as I wanted to. Now every day can be like a birthday!

I always say I don’t want any fuss on my birthday, and I genuinely mean it, my husband sends a card, I get a text from my son, and my daughters do nice thoughtful presents.
So why is it that I’m always a bit tearful on my birthday, I’m neither wanting or expecting anything special, so why do I feel a bit hard done by.

No one asks me any more because I have never been bothered about birthdays. If I want something I buy it, I don't need to wait for someone else to buy it for me. That said if birthdays are important to you, then tell people even if you have to say what you would like. No point keeping quiet and being disappointed with the outcome. Speak up, be assertive and don't just drop hints, not everyone feels the same and it's nonsense to say women care more than men, some do and some don't. If it matters to you make sure he knows and there can be no doubt as to what you expect. Go out and buy what you would have liked to have received and didn't and tell him what you've done and why.

Pre Covid we used to go for a short break for our birthdays, we picked where. Hope to do that again soon.

Gifts are the very last thing I associate with adult birthdays. A meet or outing, oh yes but it's just the day that excites me. Crazy but true.