Do birthdays still matter?

My husband would sometimes make an effort, but it always involved ignoring any suggestions I made (No it's your birthday it must be a surprise!) and spending a lot of money on something I didn't want and probably didn't even like. In later years the children got quite good at steering him away from some of his worst ideas.

It's my birthday tomorrow so expecting at least cards from the children - and I'm told there will be cake!

Vetrep, your arrangements seem far too complicated to me - especially concerning presents from others (your kids and brother). Surely, it's up to them to choose what to buy him - if anything?

I think of birthday presents being for children, not adults. I'd just do the special meal out, that's all. We don't bother with cards at all these days, just say 'Happy birthday' or send a text.

I know what you mean. You just want someone to do those small things that you do. No big deal on the surface but massive deal underneath. Guess you’re feeling unappreciated.

My daughter makes quite a fuss of me on my birthday, even from New Zealand. Lots of lovely presents, but most importantly cards and photos of our beautiful grandchildren arrive. My sons, not so much.

I don't like my birthdays generally but I have had some unusual surprises which have been fun. I enjoy getting little presents for the family and they seem to be well received - or perhaps they're all just very polite!!!

DW and I always eat out on our birthdays; even during lockdown we got in a takeaway from our favourite local restaurant. Last year she was in hospital for mine, so to assure her I wasn't neglecting the occasion, having visited her, I sent her a photo of my dinner - cut glass, venison steak, etc. - to show that standards were being maintained.

My birthday this year was spent waiting at our holiday let for Bulb to come and fit a smart meter, we left home early as it’s a 90 minute drive.

Once there my husband sat reading emails while I went to get some milk and breakfast, he then gave me the bag of presents and cards from our children and my friends.

He told me he had got me a card but not a present, he then said go into town if you like and choose something and I will transfer the money!

I didn’t stay for breakfast, I disappeared into town, after about an hour he noticed I had gone and started calling me, he had no idea why I was upset!

A huge row ensued, an apology was made,we then both calmed down and all was fine until he asked what we were having for dinner that night.

Bulb never showed up, we drove home in silence and I prepared supper, the miserable b*****d hadn’t even put a bottle of champagne in the fridge.

His most recent birthday was a champagne breakfast, a very special present from myself and the children that I had organised and then dinner at a lovely restaurant paid for by myself.

Birthdays are just a number to me now apart from this year as I get my state pension. I make a special meal for us to enjoy with candles and sparkling wine or cocktails.

Next birthday, take your courage in both hands and TALK to him about what you want. My husband likes it when I do that, as he then knows I will love my presents.

Teacheranne, perfect ?

How lovely for you TeacherAnne
Yes I agree it's the thoughtfulness that counts

My children make more fuss of my birthday than I do! I think that stems from my divorce when they were 11 and 12 years old and unable to buy me anything without help from their dad - which was not forthcoming sadly. So now they both arrange to visit me on the same date and we go out for a lovely meal and they offer to help me with some jobs around the house while they are here. They both buy me very thoughtful presents, nothing very expensive but usually a bottle of gin with a few other small things which they know I will like.

It’s their thoughtfulness in making sure they and their partners come to stay at the same time that means the most to me, also that they make sure I am free and not already going out with friends!

Gifts are the very last thing I associate with adult birthdays. A meet or outing, oh yes but it's just the day that excites me. Crazy but true.

Pre Covid we used to go for a short break for our birthdays, we picked where. Hope to do that again soon.

No one asks me any more because I have never been bothered about birthdays. If I want something I buy it, I don't need to wait for someone else to buy it for me. That said if birthdays are important to you, then tell people even if you have to say what you would like. No point keeping quiet and being disappointed with the outcome. Speak up, be assertive and don't just drop hints, not everyone feels the same and it's nonsense to say women care more than men, some do and some don't. If it matters to you make sure he knows and there can be no doubt as to what you expect. Go out and buy what you would have liked to have received and didn't and tell him what you've done and why.

I always say I don’t want any fuss on my birthday, and I genuinely mean it, my husband sends a card, I get a text from my son, and my daughters do nice thoughtful presents.
So why is it that I’m always a bit tearful on my birthday, I’m neither wanting or expecting anything special, so why do I feel a bit hard done by.

My birthday means a lot to me. Don't know why. Always has. Guess stimulated by the fuss my Mum always made. I used to always take a day leave when in business so that I could celebrate my day exactly as I wanted to. Now every day can be like a birthday!

In general I don't think men do birthday presents like women do....My daughter will pick me something every birthday and Christmas from her dad and he gives her the money....

paddyann54

H1954 If you feel the need to ambush your OH and his credit card then I'd say you dont have a great relationship .Love doesn't equal how much cash he spends on you.Not in my life

The amount of cash spent isn't important, but feeling he cares enough to do something matters. He's not stupid, he knows it matters to her, as she treats him on his birthday.
OP you should tell him how you feel.

Im not in the slightest bit bothered for my own birthday but for my friends i make an effort and sometimes bake a cake ( sometimes)

For my husband its a case of he now gets a card, end of. The reason being, i have bought things over the years that he has requested, where are they ???? In the wardrobe thats where, so he gets a card and thats my job done

If a big fuss was made on my birthday I would feel I was not worthy of such a 'song and a dance', but I would want to make a 'song and a dance' for others.

My bloke forgot my birthday for the 3rd year in a row this year. I always remember his. I don't care about gifts or big gestures, but I'm afraid I do think that people show you how much they value you with stuff like this.

A card and flowers would be fine. I don't actually want more 'stuff'. DD did cards, flowers and a cake and that was lovely. I'm actually easily pleased.

It’s a ‘man thing’ for many gents! We’ve been together 49 years and I’ve always made more effort, but never felt miffed about it - that is just how it is.

I think birthdays do matter but if they don’t mater to him then don’t make a fuss on his birthday.

Mr. B and I always go somewhere nice on my birthday, it doesn’t have to be expensive and I don’t expect presents but there has to be cake

I'm genuinely not bothered about my own birthday but do love finding or buying treats for others.

My adult boys don't care about birthdays at all. Maybe because they tend to buy what they need whenever they need it....?
My husband isn't bothered about his birthday either and thinks it's a lot of fuss about nothing.

My 3 daughters enjoy birthdays (and always have in mind something that is a bit more money than they'd usually spend that they'd fancy).

The two sons are harder to buy for too.

I suppose, as a friend's husband once said - why bother marking that you have managed to survive for another year?
He was really sweet about his wedding anniversary though. This marked, he thought, another year of love and acceptance and was something they both had "worked" at together. He was a truly lovely man.