Piggy in the middle[again]

Really omg. As you say piggy in the middle BUT personally if it was a choice between my grandchildren and my parents, my parents would win! Probably NOT what most would say. BUT my mum and dad gave me the mist fabulous Christmas ever when I was young. If you feel like that then no competition.

You are right to ask your son to tell them himself.
Stay out of the middle as much as you can.

Surely this is the wrong way round. It’s you and your parents that are in danger not your gc. Personally, I think you son and wife are overreacting and I agree that if the choice is between gc and parents I’d choose parents. Who knows how long you’ll be able to see them at Christmas?

Your parents have each other, it's not as if either of them will be on their own.
You give childcare (I assume for free). There is absolutely no need for you to feel any guilt or responsibility towards your parents.
I agree the message would be better coming from your son, but if you have to bite the bullet then do it and promise yourself a treat after you have delivered the message.
I believe people in your position are called the "sandwich generation ". No wonder you are fed up.

Being piggy in the middle is a horrible place to be but this is really in your parents gift and is between them and their grandson and wife to manage. If they are being super careful and don’t want to let anyone in their home who isn’t fully vaccinated then that is their right.

If your parents have refused vaccines then they must expect that people won’t necessarily agree with what can be seen as a risky (and selfish ) decision because getting a vaccine is something which also protects others.
If they become ill would they expect to be treated by exhausted nhs staff who have risked their own health fir the last 2 years and expected to care fir unvaccinated people.

It’s difficult but it’s not up to you at all. You have no need to be involved. It’s not your argument. It’s between them. You don’t have to tell them, your son does.

I’d be very cross with a child who made the bullets for me to fire.
If your son does not wish his grandparents to visit, he should have the b•lls to tell them himself.
Keep out of it but as an earlier poster has said, stay loyal to yr parents. Who knows what the coming year(s) will bring for them. Your son won’t want to fall out with you! You’re too useful to him & his wife for childcare.

Good grief I hope his children n never go to nursery Unless the children are very vulnerable how will they ever build up any immunity to anything
Definitely let him do his own dirty work no piggy in the middle act

Are your parents unvaccinated? If so, then I’d not be happy about them exposing themselves to catching Covid by going to anyone’s homes.

I agree with others, your son should be the one to tell his GP’s they’re not welcome. Why should you do his dirty work for him?

Indeed - let him tell them. His decision - his duty to tell them.

Are none of these people vaccinated?

If it is his children he is trying to protect then maybe he is barking up the wrong tree a bit - you are more vulnerable than they are, and yet he is happy for you to childmind. And if either child goes to nursery or pre-school then they will be in a germ soup for a large amount of the time.

If your son does not want somebody in his house - then it is up to him to tell them. Just phone or text and tell him that.

Your previous threads have mentioned that your parents are fully vaccinated - so he is really being a bit silly. But that is his and his wife's choice.

It's not your place to break the news to your parents, your son should do his own dirty work. I'd be inclined to spend Christmas with your parents - not wishing to be morbid but they probably have fewer Christmases left than your son and his family.

Unless your parents are gadding about, how are they a risk to anyone?

It sounds like your parents just expect to drop in - on Christmas day - to see their grandchildren. If that's the situation, then it's up to your son to put them straight. It's really bad manners to turn up, uninvited, whoever you are.

If they were invited, though, and are not allowed to go now, due to Omicron worries, that's different. Perhaps you could all meet up somewhere, outdoors, to exchange gifts?

It's still your son's decision, though, to choose exactly who goes into his house. It may well be that he just can't risk having your parents there - out of concern for them, rather than the children. Children are spreading the virus and the elderly are still dying from it.

Good morning,thank you for the replies.I will be going to visit my parents later and will have to tell them,they can visit but stay outdoors which won't go down well.We are all triple jabbed,but my son's concern is the children,the oldest we almost lost 2 years ago,not sure what happened as he was just a month short of two and it just the December before covid but the thought is it could have been covid,when my son had to take him to the hospital he was unconscious,just thinking about is so bad I don't know how they got through that following week and my daughter in-law was eight months pregnant at the time,so all through covid they have been ultra careful they are scared for their children I understand that and I would never offer an opinion on it to them,it's their choice.

But my parents as someone said do gadd about,and have never understand my son's decisions and I have had non stop chatter from them,I have a feeling it will be my dad's last Xmas just by looking at him and it will break his heart,they are happy to have them up to their house and sit outside just until we know where we are with the new varient but it cold for them and another door step Xmas will not go down well.I know my parents are love the children/grandson to bits they just don't understand the seriousness of the virus,it's everyone else's fault not theirs,mum especially has turned into a hard to say but nasty person.So I am really torn over this,and just so tired of always being the bearer of bad news.x

Hi Joanna
I am sorry to hear about the traumatic circumstances 2 years ago and it’s easy to understand why son and wife feel as they do and are unwilling to risk anything at all.
Although vaccinated your parents attitude towards risk is different. Could they not meet outside fir a short walk? Local park? Take tests ?
It is your sons call and I understand why he feels that way but it really should be him letting them know.

You've been on here before with this problem I think. I do feel for you being in the middle. If your son insists on these rules, and after your further post I can understand why he is so protective and so wary of your parents, then I feel he must be the one to break the news to them rather than leaving you to do his dirty work. It's very sad if you think it might be your father's last Christmas. Sitting outside in this cold weather will do very elderly people no good at all, nor you and your husband for that matter. I hope you can manage to have a good Christmas yourself in the middle of all this. Your parents' attitude to covid is the root cause so they can only blame themselves.

I wonder if your son is like that with his in-laws or is it just with your family? I would suggest your son be the bearer of the bad news to his grandparents then it’s off your shoulders.

Hi thanks all.it has been decided I will tell my parents later that they will have to do another Xmas on the doorstep,as my son thinks it may sound a bit agressive coming from them when they don't have much contact outside visits so building myself up for it later.

We are the only in-laws and grandparents,my daughter in-law last both her parents very suddenly a few years ago.

My husband and I can go in because we childmind once a week and when I go to my parents later I will sit outside but at least they are in the warm mum and dad don't understand why I do this as I said covid is not a big deal to them despite all the sadness around them but that's their choice.

I really can't wait for Xmas to be over and I will 60 on Xmas day but let's just get it gone for me

Thank you all and I hope it's a good Xmas for you all.x

I can understand you wanting it to be all over. What a difficult position to be in. Sad for all concerned, especially the children. Nevertheless I hope you are able to enjoy Christmas and your special birthday.?

Joanne12 a small suggestion. Is there any way you or ds can get hold of a patio heater? That way grandparents don’t have to freeze outside although will still need coats. We will be doing this when we visit dd and gc on Christmas morning.

Hope it’s not too stressful today Joanna. It’s horrible being the messenger.
Wishing you a Happy birthday on Saturday and enjoy Christmas with your son and family.

Poor you joanna12. Controversially, I am on your son's side it is his and his wife's choice to ensure they never have a repeat of the Christmas when their child was taken ill, all perfectly understandable. Your parents are being unreasonable but hey! that's how we are (or will be) at the end of our lives. It's a shame you are piggy in the middle but as you believe it is probably your Father's last Christmas then try to just go along with it. Supporting them without falling out with your son is the way to go. I hope your Christmas makes some happy memories and have a good 2022 with whatever it holds.

It's up to your son to do his own dirty work!
I would say that the grandparents are more at risk from him and his family than the other way round if neither of your parents have been vaccinated .
It has been very, very rare for young children to have been affected badly should they catch covid - I think one of the reasons that it has been spreading through schools like it has been - in fact my own great niece was tested positive for Covid a few weeks ago (after her dad was also) and she had absolutely no symptoms at all!
I would suggest that your parents offer to at least have an LFT before they visited but I doubt if that would help - can only suggest that a video link or Skype call is set up so they can at least see their GGC over Christmas .

So you're allowed in because you baby sit how convenient ! what a selfish son you have

my parents who have totally opp ideas on covid

Does this mean they are doing a lot of mixing with others?
In any case, they can't expect to impose their wishes in someone else's own home.
Get your son to speak to them.