Piggy in the middle[again]

Stand your ground.......remind your son that he is an adult and can speak for himself. If he doesn't want his own grandparents visiting over Christmas he should be telling them himself and giving the reason why rather than behaving like a petulant spoilt brat spitting out his dummy to get his own way. In your position I would sooner spend my Christmas with my parents, as someone else said up page, you don't know how many more Christmas's they have.
Do stop pandering to your son!

Sorry, missed your post saying you are going to speak to them.

Oh dear poor you. But I suspect keeping away is more protective for the elderly grandparents rather than the children!

I think it is very poor of your son to expect you to tell your parents that they are not welcome in his home at Christmas.

In your shoes, I would be saying to everyone that I was going to celebrate my birthday my way and if that involved not seeing any of them on Christmas Day, that was my choice.

Whatever happens, I hope that you can enjoy your significant birthday.

My goodness, if your son and DIL are this over-protective now, what will they do when the kids are teenagers?!! I would refuse to play their game - the little boy could have been ill for any number of reasons, e.g. flu, Respiratory Syncytial Virus etc etc. You have all been triple-jabbed, for goodness sake! Could this really be about relationships rather than COVID? Why should you have to break the news?

Your son shouldn't put you in this position. Your parents are elderly and you don't know how many more happy occasions you will get to share with them. Something you might regret later. Your son needs you but don't you need your parents too. They must be heartbroken at what the last two years have done to them. The grandchildren will be missing them too. There must be a compromise somewhere.

My ac and partner are like this with their children. I did however tell them that as they both work and both gc go to nursery they are more of a risk to me ( I live alone, go out once a week masked up, triple vaccinated, lft regularly if been out) so to stop using it as an excuse to not bother visiting. I am no longer going to feel sad that my ac think the obligatory 3 visits a year (mothers day, birthday, Christmas) is good enough. I'm not going to always be available when it suits them and am learning to say no when asked to help out (when it suits them). Don't get stuck in the middle, tell your son to do his own dirty work and spend time with your parents who may not be around ad long as you may hope. Me, I'm spending Christmas with friends for the first time ever, my AC can go see their father and I may spend boxing day with one of the two new chaps who I have met recently who make me laugh and who they currently know nothing about ?

It is really up to your son to tell them. I can understand him wanting to protect his family but it is unfair of him to expect you to pass the message on. Hope it all works out x

If you all do lateral flow tests and are ok what is the problem? I think ds is overreacting. Sounds like an excuse not to have them.

Can't they just do tests before visiting? If negative then surely fine to visit?

Suzey

So you're allowed in because you baby sit how convenient ! what a selfish son you have

Totally agree, the op is useful as a childminder. I presume the op sees her parents and then sees her grandchildren so i would say this is just an excuse and over reacting. I would not be the one to tell the parents, he sounds like a coward on top of everything else.

I’m so sorry, what a horrible time for you. I’m with your son on this - he and his wife had a terrible frightening time with their young son when he was sick, and they naturally don’t want to risk that again. This presumably is well known in your family?

Your parents, vaccinated but gadding about, have really decided what they want, and they can’t really impose their views or way of life on others at this very difficult time. The time to talk Christmas visiting was perhaps 2 or 3 weeks ago, when your parents could have (possibly!) decided to get out and about then or isolate so they can enjoy Christmas with the young family.

My father is 97, vaccinated, relatively healthy and is still gadding about, doing whatever he wants, within his capability. Age isn’t a necessarily barrier to doing what you want but ill health can be!

Try not to let it worry you, keep as relaxed as you possibly can about this - it’s pretty awful for everyone at the moment, and we can all just do the best we can ? ???

Joanne12,
I have seen on your post you are going to tell your parents yourself, but I would have said that your son tells his Grandparents himself, why should you have to!! Hope you have a lovely Christmas ?

So awful, I think the young parents are being absolutely idiotic and have totally caved in to media lies panic reporting and govt terror..Unless there are other factors eg one of the children or parent has eg, leukemia or some kind of severe immune compromisation..which has not been revealed to us readers of piggyinthemiddle's post.

Sorry but my parents would come first, your son is erm
Bit over the top isn’t he

Its their choice but why do YOU have to be the bearer of bad news. Tell son and wife to talk to GP's directly!

He's letting you in, but not his grandparents....I'm sure they will be so disappointed. Tell him to do his own dirty work and tell them himself.

Reading between the lines it sounds as if the op’s parents and her son have very little relationship other than what is maintained through op. Sounds like the grandmother isn’t particularly nice and that the op’s son wouldn’t have a relationship with them if he had a choice.
Normally I’d say if the son only has a relationship with them to please op, that op should be the one to bear the news. But given op offers childcare which is a big responsibility in itself, op’s son should step up here an so relieve her of this burden and task.
Op if you are still reading, tell your son how stressful this is, and that though it’s his decision to make and understandable it’s spoiling your Christmas from the stress and would he mind telling them for you.

Face time maybe?
Your son is making the choice for his family and I can’t blame him with nearly losing a child
Your parents are making the choice of not taking it seriously so I don’t blame your son
I’d go and visit the parents in the morning then spend the day with my son and the children

Joanne12. You won't change either the opinions of you parents or son & dil but they seem to have left it to you to sort out.
Instead of your older parents standing outside your son's house in the cold, could your s & dil possibly take the children around to 'doorstep' your parents? Wrapped up warmly the children shouldn't feel the cold so much as older people and even an hour would mean so much to your parents.

You can only play piggy in the middle if you choose to

You can tell your son to manage his relationship with his GPs and keep you out.
You can choose to tell your son to tell his GPs not to come.

Looks like your parents invited themselves for the xmas day visit, who gave them that idea?
Have they invited themselves before?

"in last visit about six weeks ago just to the kitchen and my son and his wife upstairs just so they could see the children,so now they think they can do tat again xmas day masked up as well,"

How are your parents odd about covid? It is not the first time that different family covid sense of awareness creates issues

Secondly, the idea to move xmas for the sake of your parents is bananas to suggest and just to think of it as a solution. Totally unreasknable.
How did your son react when it was mentioned?

It looks like you are asking your son and family to prioritize your parents vs their core family

Your parents can control their own feelings of dissatisfaction about this xmas, knowing their gs is trying to do the best for his family.
If not, that is the problem

"if he can contact his grandparents to tell them may come better from him,maybe we could move xmas a few weeks for present opening with the children who know where we will be in say a month,trying all ways to make this not so bad for everyone but know there is no real answer."

You seem very enmeshed in your parents' lives, as if you do not have your own standards.

Is your son and family overreacting? Given the background, I can understand why.
Even though if we all tell you 100% that they are unreasonable, it doesn't solve your problem.

It is entirely your son’s decision and having nearly lost their child I can understand the decision they have made, however over cautious it may or may not be. But he really should be the one to tell his grandparents not up to you to appease them.
It may be a difficult situation but it will end and you cannot take responsibility for your parents actions .
If I were you I would declare a day in summer when, at the very least, we should be able to meet outside , as your official 60th birthday and put yourself first for once

Good lord ! What a terrible situation for you all, but especially you ! I agree your son should speak to his grandparents himself, if your parents and yourself are triple jabbed whilst I understand your son and DiL concern, they really really need to take a step back, having a child unexpectedly very unwell and losing your parents unexpectedly is awful and I feel for your DiL, but you certainly should not have to see your own parents outside ! It’s ridiculous Your son & DiL can make any rules they like about entry to their own home but haven’t got the right to demand that you don’t enter your own parents home, I mean really ! I think your DiL is possibly very anxious and needs to seek help. Wrapping your children up in cotton wool doesn’t help anyone long term Good luck x

"But my parents as someone said do gadd about,and have never understand my son's decisions and I have had non stop chatter from them,I have a feeling it will be my dad's last Xmas just by looking at him and it will break his heart,they are happy to have them up to their house and sit outside just until we know where we are with the new varient but it cold for them and another door step Xmas will not go down well.I know my parents are love the children/grandson to bits they just don't understand the seriousness of the virus,it's everyone else's fault not theirs,mum especially has turned into a hard to say but nastyperson.SoI am really torn over this,and just so tired of always being the bearer of bad news.x"

Your parents do not have to understand your son's decision, but to respect it.

As for poasibly being your father's last xmas, you never know what expiration date anybody has
Plus that is a manipulative move if you mention it to force a visit

So your parents minimize covid, it is everybody else's fault, your mother is not the most pleasant person to deal with, dont respect your son and family's stand on covid.....

Yes, it is cold, but their wants are not priority for everybody to follow.

Team son.

This is less about covid but more about the unreasonable expectations your parents have.

I still cannot believe that moving xmas, when the 4 year old is looking forward to it, was even mentioned.

"No, 4 year old, you cannot open your presents yet as your great GPs are not here to see you open them so let's wait for a few weeks till omicron blows over"

Just plain bananas.

Your son and daughter in law's responsibility is to protect their children. Your parents can participate in Christmas festivities via Zoom, as many families are doing during this pandemic. It is selfish of your parents to insist on seeing their great grandchildren, or protesting when your son (or you) explain their decision to limit social contacts. Given Omicron spreading at break neck speed, I would think your parents would understand and wish to protect their great grandchildren (and themselves).