Awkward grumpy Mum has died. What to say in her Eulogy??

I’m sorry to hear of your recent losses. It’s always worse when someone dies and the relationship hasn’t been that good. Do what is best for you on the day of the funeral and don’t feel forced to say something you don’t feel. And don’t be made to feel guilty. Not all mothers are saints.

As others have said, it might be better for the celebrant to do it and you just provide him/her with the facts. It is too much for you to have to try and dredge up some kind words or happy memories when you can think of none, especially when you are already grieving.

There's really no need to do a eulogy. In the circumstances it would seem to be inappropriate anyway.

Why not say something along the lines of:

We all know that mam was never an easy woman and got progressively more grumpy and difficult as she got older but if we look through that we find the woman who had hopes and dreams of her own. She married dad when she was and settled into a being a wife and (over the years) mother. She was there when we scraped our knees or were poorly. I remember when I caught....whatever illness.....and she ...whatever she did. I know you all can think of different times. Or when she held our children for the first time. The tenderness of a grandmother is different to that of a mam. And so on....

If you have no happy memories then say you've got your fingers crossed for those she might meet in the afterlife.

Could you say all people are a mixture of good and bad points and my mum was no exception. Try and remember a few good points and say we are thankful for those and we forgive her for the times she could be say grumpy and not as demonstative as we could have wished. I am sorry for your losses and hope you can forgive her for not being a better mum and that you can achieve peace in your heart.

If there’s only going to be 6 of you there, I would keep it short and simple, and let the minister do the talking. It’s not like it’s in front of an assembled gathering.

Surely all 6 people knew your mom for the person she was. Find a situation you all might have shared when her unique views played a role. That being impossible, I support adding a bit of levity about her approach to the other side. Maybe she had a few "suggestions" on ways to improve the Pearly Gates. ? ⚡️ ? Seriously though, please accept my condolences.

That sounds appropriate and concise momb. The Joyce Grenfell poem would be a good choice too.
I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time at present mumski

I didn’t think we were allowed funerals or anyone there I understood that people were just being cremated away from their families choices or is it just in some parts of the country ?

A friend recently spoke about her mother in less than flattering terms. Then she completely counteracted it by saying "But she is my bloody minded, cantankerous old bitch" with tears in her eyes.

I was asked to give the eulogy of a dear friend. She could be really difficult, and had few long term friends because sooner or later she would lose her temper with them and they would walk away. She was also kind, generous and brave.

I wrote an eulogy that acknowledged how difficult she was, but also her virtues. People thanked me afterwards for being honest about who she was, an eulogy that didn't address the difficult side of her nature would just not have been her.

I think you could sincerely say something about how all of us on life's journey are on a dusty road, nobody stays clean, and all cope with it in different ways.

I really like vampirequeens suggestion. Easy to fill in the blanks and change where appropriate . I especially like the last line .

....my sister and I said something very similar just this week after we heard that a relative had died. She could be quite nasty and had a very sharp tongue not caring who she hurt.

Condolences on the death of your husband, it must be a sad time for you.
Now of all times I should think it easy to pass up the opportunity to read out a eulogy, as we aren't allowed to go to a funeral are we?
Who ever conducts the ceremony could do as others suggested, and read out some facts of her life.

I've been to quite a few funerals where no family member reads anything.
I wonder why you have put yourself in this position really?
Perhaps you feel the need to face the relationship you had with her for the last time?

Best wishes through this sad time.

We had the exact same problem with Mum's funeral. My soppy sister rejected all my suggestions as 'unsuitable'.

We therefore ended up with the celebrant describing her career, before marriage and children, 60 years ago.

Nobody recognised the person being spoken about. It was a complete farce.

A short, simple service would have been better.

I'm surprised that you're having a service. My loved one's funeral simply cannot take place. His relatives are mainly elderly and isolating.

There will be an unaccompanied cremation and a memorial service later - probably next summer, when the threat from the virus is over

It must be incredibly hard to work out what to say when the grief for your husband is still very raw.

Not all ceremonies have eulogies so perhaps give the factual information about your mum to whoever the celebrant is and let them use their experience to work on it.

Having only a few relatives who presumably all know the truth seems harder than the normal mix of people who might attend at other times.

If you feel obliged to say something perhaps just read a relevant poem as others have suggested, choose a hymn or song and then allow the celebrant to do the rest.

Hard to get right when life is normal but much harder now.

My nephew was in your position as he had a horrble mum I was afraid he would say something terrible but he just spoke about the things she liked to do and her hobies. Why say something about her being a good mu if she was not one ? Be true to yourself.

I'm overwhelmed with the thoughtful and kind responses to my dilemma. We had Joyce Grenfell's 'You've just walked on ahead of me' at my husbands funeral, So fitting and beautiful. I think she might also be the answer for Mum's too as Trisher kindly suggested.
Thank you everyone and stay safe xx

Just say she was a difficult person but this was sometimes a good thing (insert instances here) and recount any fond memories of her and say she will be missed. Sorry for your loss!

Also maybe some humorous anecdotes about her?

If you decide to ask the celebrant to give a eulogy please be careful. When my MIL died there was a church funeral, not sure why. My FIL didn't believe in God and they never went to church. The vicar chatted to my BIL and SIL and what she took from the conversation was that my MIL belonged to the WI and liked flower arranging. That's all I remember and it struck me at the time as being a bit irrelevant.

My DD is an Independent Celebrant, who has conducted several services during the Lock Down. All have been very brief with only a handful of mourners (One had only the widow in attendance) but she has taken the full story from the relatives, written up the longer eulogy and sent it to them on line so that they can share it with others unable to attend.

Most of the bereaved families have requested that she does a memorial service, at some time in the future, when all friends and relatives will be free to attend.

I agree don't do one, or read a poem or play some music

Remain silent, it speaks volumes.