Is this acceptable in the 21st century

I had a neighbour, some years ago, in this situation. I knocked once to tell her someone we both knew had died. She said " I can't let you in, glimpsing to the rear, he won't allow me". He would not decorate any of the house, that was the Council's job. After she died, he had the whole house re decorated even the ceilings skimmed. Poor women she had to put up with that.

Because sarahellen many of that generation still promised to ‘obey’ in the marriage ceremony. How many on this forum perhaps also made that promise?

How folk live like that I cannot comprehend.
He allows. he turns off the tv, or talks through what I am watching. What century is it?

Jalima if we were sworn enemies and you managed to capture me, the worst torture you could inflict would be to tie my hands behind my back and make me watch Grand Designs! I can't stand to even see Kevin McCloud. Even if you couldn't stop me closing my eyes, I'd still be able to hear him. ? Talk about first world problems! Those poor souls keep running out of money! The other thing I really can't bear to watch (such horrible, graphic violence) is Game of Thrones. If my son is watching it, I always manage to look up just at the point when blood is being spilt in a totally gratuitous way.

What I'm looking forward to is the return of the Great British Sewing Bee!

Growing up in the 60s, my parents had no truck with BBC. ITV was all we watched. Back then it was talent shows, police procedurals, soaps etc. I wanted to watch Top of the Pops, The Man from Uncle and The Forsyte Saga so I could fit in to the discussions at school the next day. I felt very much hard done by.

Sadly there are still, or is it really again? a lot of women of all ages who are willing to put up with a controlling husband, or so afraid of him that they dare not resist.

And yes, hen-pecked husbands exist too, lots of women seemingly never consider there husbands' wishes, but decide what goes on in the home, not only what to watch on TV.

lilihu Agree.

GrandmaMoira - my ex was just the same. He used to come in an switch off the Archers! Have been happily alone now for 20 years.....

Nannyme Why not use headphones? - out of consideration to your partner, naturally .

I have a friend who I have known for over 20 years. She has always said her DH 'won't let her' do this and that. I first knew her when she was in her early 40s and she was like it then and still is. I know her husband and he seems a reasonable enough chap. She is very attractive still in her late 60s. Maybe he is afraid she will have her head turned. I am astonished that in this day and age women say their partner 'won't let them'. Another friend never goes anywhere or does anything without her husband. No coffee/lunch with friends or the odd evening out without him. She said his first wife left him and she doesn't want him worrying that she will do the same. I suppose that's very caring.

DH and I have completely different tastes so we have a television in the dining room and another in the lounge!!!!
Stops any arguments . I occasionally feel DH is a little controlling - and say so - but I've always done my own thing if I thought it right and after 50 years I'm not going to change now and, bless him, he's got used to it.

Hopefully we've progressed a little since these days (which I remember):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w&t=58s

sorry didn't get the full link:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aT6cB6vMWYU

My friend mentioned above says that if she has a clear out of clothes to give to the charity shop, her DH goes through the bags taking out items and saying 'I like you in that' and putting them back in the wardrobe. Is it just my DH that wouldn't give a monkeys what I did and didn't throw away?

Thank you Sparkly Grandma. That means so much.

Surely you have to strike the right balance in your marriage and have a bit of give and take. It does sound like this husband has turned her into a downtrodden wife who does not have much say. I do wonder if there are other areas in her life that he exerts a lot of control, as well as what she is and is,nt allowed to watch on TV. She needs to give him a big shock...next time he says we are,nt watching this, that or the other...say well you might not be, but I am ...I,ve bought another TV for my own viewing.....and that's just the start!

I was married to one like that. If I needed to write a business letter, he thought he should ‘draft’ it for me, so that I could copy it out.
The fact that I had a degree in English didn’t seem to register!
He was always very rude to visitors, unless he thought they were superior people, and/or very attractive, in which case he was nauseatingly fawning
Mostly I just ignored him, but I couldn’t ignore his vicious temper and fists, so he became X.
I live very happily alone, and after 35 years I still revel in having my own way, watching what I like on TV, and not having to worry about OH’s temper.
Being alone doesn’t mean lonely - I have plenty of friends, and have had lovers when it suited me and I had the energy - but I don’t think I could ever bear to share my home with anyone again. The thought of them becoming bossy, controlling or bullying is just too scary!

Perhaps she isn’t controlled but has happily given up the remote and spends her time doing something she enjoys instead?
It’s just the tele!!!
I know a couple of households where the remote seems to be attached to the husbands hand but it’s no biggy and the wives do something else.
I live alone so it isn’t an issue in my house!

I have a friend who told me 3 actly the same as the OP - she'd live to have watched the Royal Wedding but her husband dint want to and wouldnt let her. They are not well off (in debt actually and live in a council house) so another TV set is not an option. I said couldnt she record it and watch it when he was out (asI did). Turns out they have no way of recording pregrammes, he never goes out (ill health) or does anything much other than watching TV. She is keen on classical.music (that is how I know her, through a music group) and was asking me about the music at the wedding. I told her but suggested she got a CD of the wedding music (I think there is one coming out) but she says he gets all the CDs and controls all the music they listen too. I was shocked into silence and appreciated DH even more!!

Whilst I would never say “i’m Not allowed to.....” the reality in our house is that DH controls the remote. He watches his choice of programmes and mostly I go along with it, but sometimes I might watch elsewhere, or insist on my choice, or we record one or other programme.
About once a month he goes away to visit his family for a few days and then I watch all sorts of different things. Lots more documentaries, about A& E or gardens etc, Four in a bed, Escape to the country etc. Instead of endless antiques, police dramas, and multiple repeats of golden oldies.
I suppose I take the line of least resistance, but I know I can insist on my choice if I want to. But sometimes it just isn’t worth the bother.
We actually have four TVs in our house, but only one to sit and watch in comfort.

I meant to say, I stated firmly my intention to watch the royal wedding and this was accepted. He even joined me for the service.
I think I might have had a problem if it had clashed with Formula One, as that always takes precedence.

My OH couldn't care less about TV unless it's Moto GP or the ITV weather girl Lucy Verasamy
I do tell him if I think a film is good on Amazon or Netflix.

"Whilst I would never say “i’m Not allowed to.....” the reality in our house is that DH controls the remote. "
Same here. Also if anything goes wrong with the tv or we need complicated recordings etc, I'm hopeless, and he used to be a tv engineer.

DH and I only watch TV in the evenings, usually choosing together what we will watch. He records his favourite Soaps and saves them for when there is nothing else worth watching. We have limited channels in our area, so if I am not interested in what DH wants to view I put my headphones on and use my tablet to do something else. I could say DH has 'control' of the remote simply because he uses it more and is more familiar with the complicated TV menus than I am - I can't be bothered with all those endless pages of text! And if push came to shove we have a second TV in the dining room. But I would certainly never be told what I could or could not watch!

It’s all completely astonishing. Even if a couple can’t afford two televisions, there are usually two rooms. The one who doesn’t like the programme could go out, or into another room, even a bedroom, and read a book. Two sets are best, though.

What about iPlayer and catch-up?

I haven't watched the Royal Reading yet as was out on a painting course on the day. have arranged to view it with friend who has recorded it and seen it twice already!! However I do have a computer so can watch it on Iplayer but his is not quite the same as on a TV screen.