Is this acceptable in the 21st century

Gosh, Witzend. Does that mean the woman could only listening to her audio books while doing household tasks? I have heard of situations where people who struggle with reading or have struggled with studying don't like to see others reading or studying. There used to be an advertisement for the NSPCC where an adult was ripping up a child's homework. It sounds akin to that.

Good one Hazbeen! And a good outcome too. Congratulations!

Well done Hazbeen
and well done Mr Hazbeen for apologising and changing his ways.

Some of you may remember my posts a little while ago about my OH, and after a few good bits of advice the worm turned! One of the things I did was to get a second remote for the TV hide it and when he came in and changed the channel I turned it back again! This went on for a ew days before he twigged that the problem wasnt with the TV or his remote but his ignoring me and my wishes!! His face was a picture when I told him this was just the beginning and life was going to be different! To give him his due he did apologise as he had not realised he was doing it and it lead to a "frank and honest" discussion of our life. Things have changed!

I can well believe it, OP. Though how any woman puts up with this sort of thing in this day and age, defeats me.

I'm reminded of a woman in the library where I used to work - she came to the counter with several audio books, and the friend with her asked why all audio, and not 'proper' books.
She put on a confidential, apologetic face. 'He doesn't like me reading.'
How I kept my mouth shut I will never know! I have often though of it since, and pictured a grumpy, miserable old Victor Meldrew type - or rather worse - saying, 'Got your nose in a book again? Why aren't you doing something useful?' (Like cooking, cleaning, ironing....)

Having said that, I've known one or two women who seemed to derive some perverse sort of pleasure out of making complete doormats/martyrs of themselves.
Only a couple, though!

Ha, I did tell him to "get knotted" but he wouldn't go - I didn't have anywhere else to go to as I wanted to stay near my children, and I couldn't afford to live on my own. Sad but that's the way it is for a lot of women. Yes, it is a form of bullying but sometimes you don't realise until later what is happening. Not asking for sympathy - just trying to explain.

get another tv., or tell him to get knotted.

Goodness! Just let my husband try to control anything I do! But perhaps some women like having all the decisions made for them. Maybe they find it easier that way. There are times when I feel that some wives are quite proud of their husband's controlling ways - I think it might seem like protective love to them, although it just looks like bullying to me!

My husband is quite 'controlling' with the tv - actually if I'm honest I'm embarrassed about it. It's one thing not liking what the other person watches but don't go on about it so much that's it spoils it for the other person. We do have two TVs so I sometimes watch Corrie etc. On my own as it's more peaceful and I can enjoy it more! I don't behave in the same way as I think it's poor show. You probably think more fool me but anything for a peaceful life.

I met my present partner 13 years ago when we were both in our 50s and we have always had a remote handover point at 9pm. I have whatever I fancy on up to 9 and he has what he wants on after that, It works because I'm practically brain dead by 9 anyway and if I want to watch something broadcast after that time I watch it on catch up. Over the years he has got quite into the soaps etc although he wouldn't admit it, his worse habit is suddenly asking me at a crucial point who a character is and by the time I've explained this person was swapped at birth or whatever I've missed the action.

I'm still very proud of the fact that he really got into Project Runway when his idea of high fashion is a quick visit to Matalan!

I don’t ever have a problem with DH over the t/v. A couple of glasses of wine with our meal normally does the trick...he falls asleep after and I have complete control???

My grandmother appeared to control my grandfather! It was certainly a rather odd relationship and I've never fathomed out how my mother arrived on the scene . In fact in both sets of grandparents had dominating women! I'd not come across otherwise until I visited family up north where it was either equal or male dominated. Really interesting

Is this all one sided then, it would appear from the posts that its men who do the controlling. Has anyone any experience if it being the other way round or do we accept
annep's premise that all men are selfish.

Unless you have experienced this kind of behaviour you will not be able to understand. Sometimes you don't realise it is happening, and think it's normal. But when you have been with someone a long time what can you do? We were very happy at first and lived together for several years with no problem. Once we had children the balance shifted and "for better or worse" came to the fore. I always hoped it would get better. Until I could drive I was dependent on OH for lifts and sometime he would refuse. An argument would have been futile - so I would walk or catch a bus. Controlling the TV was a minor problem compared to other situations! I have great respect for other couples who have a balanced partnership. We don't all make the right choices in life.

Apologies - I'm not sure how I got the impression that football came into this discussion!

My FIL died recently he was a really strict and often very nasty man. He was very hard on my MIL and none of the children had a good life. Since his death my mil has started to do all the things he never let her do, she eats in the living room, has daytime tv on, leaves a dirty mug on the side etc etc, it’s really interesting to watch her be so defiant. You can actually see the look of of mischief in her eyes as she does it. Sorry it’s not really to do with this thread but I have found it very amusing to see.

Many pubs are advertising big screen showing of the final tonight. Wouldn't your OH prefer to be watching with other fans? I'm sure many women would send them off thankful for the opportunity to watch their own choice of programmes in peace.

Look up the new legislation around Coercive Control.
Women at last have some power over insidious bullying.

Surely it is likely that there is another tv in the home. She probably meant that her husband always wanted to watch something else at the same time but most people haverecorders of some kind even if they don’t have catch up.

NfkDumpling
Just get what you want. My husband says he doesn't care about furniture etc but then when I choose something he disagrees, And so it takes years to buy stuff. I just put my foot down recently and don't let him do it.(I'm 66. better late than never) I just assert myself and say that's what we're getting. not open for debate.

Based on my family and friends I think men are basically selfish and will do what suits them in most situations not just television. And women generally give in to them. Also my husband watches programmes I don't like and that's fine by me. But he will criticise if I watch programmes he thinks are stupid. It was years before I let him know I loved Neighbours. Ridiculous. Why do we defer to them?

I’m another who lets her DH have the remote. It’s fine with me as I’m usually doing something else as well as watching tv and we both like the same programmes. It makes him important.

We both tell people we’re not allowed to do stuff. And we’re both lying! When one of us has an idea or wants to do something, it gets discussed and the other then has the right of veto. It does mean that a lot of things don’t ever get done. For instance I want Karndean to replace the worn carpet in the dining room, he wants more carpet. High level discussions have been going on for months (nay years). I think I’m winning. So perhaps its easiest to just defer to the other half! Our neighbour bosses her DH and decides what should be done. Sometimes he puts up a bit of a fight, but mostly not. I think he likes it that way.

I can't think of anyone I know in this situation although I have a friend who's husband has always controlled whatever decor/furniture they have had over the years. It seems very old fashioned to say 'she's not allowed' but if it's been going on throughout their marriage some may just give in for a quiet life.

My husband and I have completely different tastes in programmes and he will happily sit for hours watching documentaries about the war, Goldrush and the ice truckers. He equally will sit through Emmerdale and Corrie or anything else I wanted to watch - most of the time. As I spend a lot of my spare time sitting in my little office I have the tv on in here and he has the main one. He did watch the wedding with me though and quite enjoyed the celebrity spotting of guests even commenting on their outfits. Neither one of us hogs the remote - sometimes we can't even find it

It may well be coercive and controlling behaviour this is now an offence and perpetrators can be charged with it. However it will be and has proved to be very difficult to prove and there have been few successful prosecutions. This behaviour can be in any familial relationship AC to elderly parent or vis Versa as well as the more usual male to female relationships. It obviously will be more than “not letting” someone do something and it could be either way in this case as we have very limited facts!
I for example don’t let my DH wear threadbear checked shirts out of the house! If left to himself he would continue to wear clothes until they disintegrated through exhaustion! He gets favourite pieces and won’t let them go. If asked he would probably report that I control his clothing and don’t let him wear what he wants. This is of course partly true! But would be out of context
When I got married I was very careful not to choose a sports fan. I can’t abide watching any kind of sport especially football and did not want inevitable arguments around the hobby. Good luck to those who love sport, but my enduring memory was of my mother (a former junior tennis squad player for GB) during Wimbledon fortnight! She hogged the TV and we all had to creep about the house?

Gm29.