My Grans unannounced daily visits

You have to tell her outright that you love her and appreciate that she likes to vibist but that she comes round too often and you need privacy and space . If she gets annoyed or angry and still comes round I simply would not open the door if she can see me or not. My mother in law was given a key by my husband and used to let herself in. I told her not to and she ignored me so I locked my door from the inside and never answered it. I made my point and my husband had to get the key back. She said she had to make an appointment to see us. Yes. That's right. At MY convenience. I'm MY home my sanctuary. Or move away!!

I hope you can get this sorted, your pregnancy and health are most important.

Hmmmm... it would be interesting if she came round when the midwife was there.....

Have you talked to your daughters about how you feel? Could you enlist their help? Maybe by not letting her in and saying something like "Sorry, you can't come in, mum's having a well earned rest."?
I'm sorry you're having to endure this. I wish you all the best

I went through something like this with a neighbour who would just arrive (with her own cup of coffee) and stay for hours. I ended up resorting to sitting upstairs with the door locked until she'd gone but this was 35 years ago so times have changed. Hard as it is I think you need to tell her you're 6 months pregnant and don't need the constant uncertainty of when she is coming - could she please text/phone you in advance so you can plan your day and also your son can have his rest too. When/if she does let you know you're terribly sorry but you have a dental/dcctor's appointment/have a tummy bug and don't want her to get it/need to go to the shops - anything to stop the routine. She does sound very domineering and the whole situation would drive me mad. I would also invest in some vertical blinds at your patio door which are shut when you're not available and a lock on the gate with a digital keypad! Good luck!

I feel sorry for you - between a rock and a hard place. After your baby is born you will probably be glad of some extra help with your toddler - so don't push her away altogether . Just be firm and tell her which days she can come round and say you are planning to go to toddlers cor a friend's house sometimes so you can't be sure you will be in. You must take a bit if control now. I agree that your husband can have some input too. Men don't like conflict so good luck with that though!!

Thistlerose, thank you so much for posting about your problems with Gran. It's a reminder to all of us grans who provide childcare on a regular basis, not to overstep the boundaries and make a nuisance of ourselves when we are not actually required. I'll certainly be keeping it in my mind.

There are many helpful comments in the previous postings; the one about getting vertical blinds fitted is a good one. The blinds can be tilted so that you still have plenty of light in the room but anyone peering in from outside can't actually see into the room. I finally had to do this last year as my 90 year old gentleman neighbour kept turning up 'for a chat' just when I was about to go to pick up kids from school. He was very difficult to get rid of so I can sympathise. Maybe he finally got the message as he has now moved away.

On a different note, I wonder if your midwife could also be persuaded to speak to your gran about curtailing her visiting on the grounds of your present health. As a previous poster mentioned, your gran might be more inclined to listen to someone in authority. The midwife's previous comment about setting boundaries was not at all helpful to you.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers and hope that you'll be able to come online again here and let us all know how things are going. Very best wishes.

Granof11 I'm very sure you don't overstep the boundaries and you sound like a delight and very helpful to your Grandchildren.. My Gran doesn't babysit or help with my children in any way, not only because she doesn't offer but I don't think she would manage so my husband and I just do our kids on our own.. My Gran seems to be a drain on my happiness lol, for example if I ask her not to do something she will continue to do said thing and laugh with enjoyment, when I get angry my Grandad tells me that I just need to learn to ignore her but I find this difficult.. I don't ignore my toddlers bad behaviour, I don't ignore my teenagers behaviour (she's never any bother but if she was) Obviously my Gran can behave as she pleases but I just don't want her doing it in my house.. For example she will say things like 'remember when this baby comes along that your brother is no1 in this house' to my 10 year old daughter.. I got very angry at this as my Grans children have not grown into specimens that I'd want my children turning in to.. Apparently though I was being silly to be annoyed with such things.. I'm very sure she is a rare breed of Granny and there is not much need for anyone else to worry about being a nuisance xx

Lock both doors and close the curtains. We used to do this sometimes when we didn't feel like visitors. Doesn't matter if she thinks your in or not just do it. Good luck.

Thistlerose1, is your son the first son in the family? I ask this because some people still have this hangup about having a boy to carry on the family name although, as she is your grandmother, the name would be your husband's. You could of course be a modern family where the children have your surname. My mother, who had 7 granddaughters and one grandson adored him above all the others. She denied it of course and was generous to the girls too but he was always her No 1. The granddaughters used to sing a very rude song about where the sun shone, inserting the said grandson's name. Even my mother had the grace and good humour to find that funny. Perhaps your girls should do the same. I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and safe delivery.

Devorgrilla my daughters aren't too fussed they'd rather her attention was on the baby rather than them, they see it as peace and pity my son lol.. She always has one favourite at a time, it was me, then my cousins daughter (until she did something dreadful that made my cousin cut all ties with her) and now it's my poor son.. We have my husbands name It's very strange but she hasn't come today or yesterday!! X

Perhaps she posts on here too and saw the thread.

I will probably get shot down in flames, but I really don't think you should need to resort to subterfuge, invest in new curtains, blinds or anything else which has been suggested. It is your house and she is making your life a misery. If I were in your place I would take my courage in both hands and tackle her head on next time she appears. I would not say "It isn't convenient just now" or anything similar. Simply meet her as soon as she arrives and say you have had more than enough of her and her interference over the years. She is no longer be welcome n your house and you would prefer that she didn't come again. It may sound brutal but I can assure you that you won't regret it tin the future. I know we are all brought up to respect our elders but just because someone is old does not give them carte blanche to behave in an unacceptable way
If she ask vwhat you mean simply provide examples of her behaviour thati Irks you. You will undoubtedly find this hard but the sense of relief you will feel afterwards will be
Immeasurable.

Put all sorts of things on you calendar. Have crazy fake letters for her to read. Then invite her specifically at a day/ time to suit you to go out to a cafe for coffee/tea etc. Take back control.

I'm with aslemma on this one . Do not start telling your gran lies about going out or having other plans . Do not close the curtains and spend your days hiding . Just be blunt .She seems to be the sort of person who needs this and may even ,in time, appreciate you being strong enough to feel able to be upfront with her. Bullies don't like strong people and it seems she is either a bully or incredibly stupid and senseless.
Don't let your daughters see you being treated like this either ,teach them how to deal with a bully.

Well she turned up twice today and still I didn't get the courage to say anything but I certainly am getting there, it will come.. Nanabilly you may have just pushed me into it by mentioning the kids, that is a very good point and I certainly teach them to stand up for themselves.. I'll have to put my money where my mouth is xx

So she didn't come Saturday or Sunday but as she comes EVERY day I m amazed you didn't write that in capital letters or maybe worry she was ill or dead

Then today she turns up twice and you still hadn't locked any doors !!!

Send her a link to this thread.

As soon as she comes through the door say "Oh good, now that you are here I can go and have a sit-down. The sink is full of dishes, could you do that please? I've just put a load into the washing machine and the floor needs a good sweep. The clothes pegs are in a basket in the cupboard under the sink. I was planning a full roast dinner and an apple pie and custard for the meal, the ingredients are all on the kitchen table. When you take Susan and Tom to meet Jimmy for school, could you nip into the supermarket and get the things on this list - oh and there is a parcel to take to the post office. It's all wrapped up and addressed ready. My shoes are probably ready to be picked up from the menders too."

That should deter her from coming back too often.

Make sure you have hidden away everything she is likely to nose out and read.

Just tell her. Don't wrap it up but don't be harsh. Greet her by saying something like 'come and sit down while I make you a cup of tea. I've something to say, which will probably upset you, but I hope you will understand and respect my wishes.'

Leave her to mull this over while you make her a drink and then sit down with her and explain that you cannot just have her dropping in, unannounced every day. Tell her your plan (come on Wednesday or you'll give her a ring when you're free or whatever), and do not get into any justification of your stance. Just say it's too much and if she queries it stick to that.

If she gets stroppy tell her you still love her but ask her politely to leave and to go home and think it over.

If you don't stop her now, she'll be in your life, and that of your DS, for EVER!! And as she gets older it will get worse and she will become more controlling. I speak from the experience of my DM. I could never do things perfectly enough for her, but at the same time she wanted to be in my life, whenever she wanted. When she was dying she did say she'd always been really proud of me - but wanted me to be perfect - as she saw it.

Mothers spend years telling their growing offspring what to do and how to live. Some cannot let go and end up living their lives vicariously through their children. Insidiously directing the direction their lives take. In your case this has now transferred to you. And if, not stopped, your son. Ir doesn't sound though that your Gran is trying to help. She wants to control. It's up to you whether you want to let her.

Love your solution Elegran. Do you think it would work? "Oh, I'm so glad you're here, my feet are killing me. I've left the ironing for you, so I can play with the baby!"

Lol BlueBelle I did call my Mum to see if she had heard from them as it was highly unusual but they had went unannounced to her house on both these day while my Num was asleep from working night shift.. Turns out she may be moving out the area if she likes a house she's been offered so will see what happens xx

Elgran I think she would just tell me to beat it!! Xx

I thought your mum lived some distance away in another city and so they travelled to her city unannounced two days running I wonder why they left the convienence of your hospitality alone for two days Out if character wasn't it ?

I think you have been given a lot of good advice on here and a lot of people have shown patience with your problem but if you allowed Nan in on two occasions on Monday it's kinda fell on the deaf ears as you have not done anything to change the whole scenario

If you don't like something you have two choices, put up and get on with it as your husband has suggested or change things You have been given lots of really helpful tricks of the trade but until you are prepared to give them a try nothing will change unless Nan and grandad convienent move away of course

Very good advice from Anya but requires you to follow it!