Does he have a bit on the side?

Hi lefthanded, thank you for your comments. I do not think it was for Christmas, although I have to say, i have had many years of receiving nothing from him, so a bra would have been an improvement! Even steak knives would have been happily recieved!! I did ask if they were doing secret santa this year and he said no

Hi NannieJulie. Sorry, I haven't read every post but have you considered he may have intended you to find the piece of card? Maybe he wants you to know there's something going on but hasn't the bottle to tell you? In my experience that's typical behaviour for 'brave' men! I have a feeling this is all going to come out at Xmas whether you want it to or not ? . Bless you, I'm sure you deserve better than him anyway if he's never normally nice to you x

I think it's so sweet how people are trying so hard to find a likeable reason for the thoughts of hubby buying a bra but it's about the bigger picture isn't it the unexpected niceness, the mouth washes, the working late, along with the possibilities of present buying Maybe it wasn't an expensive present but maybe it's been going on a while and it's past its first flush of romance or maybe it was to be one of a clutch of Christmas presents or just maybe it's nothing at all let's keep hoping and watching this space and all us cynics can eat our hats while all the nice people can say 'told you so'

Haha look forward to the answer NannieJulie

Bluebelle this isn't some sort of riddle to solve or a big joke. It is nannyjulie's future/ life

Nannyjulie, nothing to add really except as others have said, take your time, if he is doing something untoward (which I sincerely hope he isn't) you will find out. I too am speaking from experience.

BlueBelle why do you think it's all right to be flippant about this?
It could be a very serious situation for NannieJulie and even if all turns out well it is very worrying for her at the moment.

I m certainly not treating it as a joke sorry if that's how you read it not my intention at all my jokiness was to the people coming up with all sorts of ideas and not to the original poster or her problem if you ve read my previous posts you will see I am very empathic as it's been done to me so there is no way I was intending to make light of it and apologies if that's how it came across NannieJulie

Strange how some posters thought that the OP's husband had actually bought a bra - there was never any indication he had done so.

Hi all, i really do thank you all for your comments and thoughts. Whilst he was working 'overtime' last friday evening i had a search. In his wardrobe I found earings in the bag from a jewellers. I have taken photos of them with the receipt with the last digits of his card number showing proving his purchase. I checked the other day and noticed he had put in a gift bag with a bow, but no tag. Today he is back at work and so was i. I get in later than he. He went out to his sisters so I checked the wardrobe and the gift has gone. It is not under my tree ? He has gone to bed and i have just checked his ipad, he has been looking at one, two bed properties. Something else i remember from a few months a go, he had what is known as a carpet burn on his elbow. I asked how he did it and he said he did it at work. He has worked there for 20 odd years and never had one before. his emails, phones logs etc are all deleted. Bank statements are all online, so i can not check, but i have found 3k of bank notes in his drawer? I really just want to have the upper hand now and quickly. I was thinking of having a tracking devise fitted to his car. Are any of you married to mechanics or such like that can advise and fit? Much appreciated, i need to stay strong and get after xmas so i do not ruin it for my family x

You could check the mileage on his car to see if it matches where he says he goes. If you have a smart phone there are walking trackers that store where it has been, they are free apps. Just set it going and leave it in his car.

wobblybits how do I do that on his phone? I have tried to do the mileage but he can go to work several ways. In the past i have tried to fish for his route on 'overtime' but he has been very cagey, saying he goes different ways traffic permitting

NannieJulie, can you make arrangements to secure money for yourself, in case the situation changes suddenly?

I agree. It seems that his plans may be well developed. I'm so very sorry that it looks like this. I don't think I could pretend all was ok over Christmas. Good luck though. Best wishes.

If he has a smartphone you can track his whereabouts.

My best wishes too, I'm so sorry things are as they are. You sound so calm, but it must be agony for you. I think you should see a solicitor if you haven't already, and one known to understand a woman's point of view. Good luck with everything.

Thinking of you. The ear rings couldn't have been for his sister I don't suppose. Try and keep strong and keep talking to us if it helpsxx

I agree with FarNorth, make sure you are financially secure before he clears the bank account. Looks as if he has been planning this for a while if he has reached the property search stage.

How are you living with this guy when you are so suspicious that you take every opportunity to rifle through his stuff when he is not there? This is so grim - you have enough there to talk to him about it now and put everyone out of their misery. Why wait?

It doesn't matter about "everyone", this isn't a soap opera. NannieJulie has to make her own plans and decisions.

NannieJulie, your experiences have happened to me, and I second what other people have advised. My ex husband tried to sell the house behind my back. Not sure how he thought he'd get away with it, but still ..... you need to see a solicitor immediately and think about your own finances. Half of that £3K you found in the drawer is yours! Don't waste money and emotional energy on a tracker or proof. I think you already have it, and anyway, you will never trust him again. Use your energy to make your own plans, just like he is doing.

I wish you all the very best in trying to keep things together until after Xmas. I know where you're coming from over that, but please just hold on tight and put yourself first for probably what is the first time in your marriage. You deserve so much better than this, you really really do!

Sending you love, and . xx

Maybe you should confiscate the money for now until you can secure your finances and future. In my experience a husband whom you think is an honourable man may change completely under the influence of another woman, and try to diddle you out of your entitlement. I suggest a free half hour meeting with a divorce lawyer ASAP to find out where you stand, most offer this. I do hope you are feeling strong enough to stand up for yourself, I think you have enough evidence. Take photos of everything you find.

Assuming you are a 'nan', do you have an adult child you can confide in? A daughter, perhaps? You really need some emotional support from someone you are close to.
From what you say, things are gathering pace. Please protect your own interests at this crucial time and start by getting the free half hour consultation with a solicitor as another poster has already advised.

I agree totally with the last two posts.

I was going to suggest the same thing Shysal. Take the money and hide it where he wont find it ( maybe at work?). That will concentrate his mind although it will alert him to the fact that you suspect something is going on. At the very least you can use some of it for legal advice. Do you have joint savings accounts?

Oh gosh quite a big movement in a short time I think you really do know now and I agree with the others who have said stay one jump ahead Secure what money you can and Frairybdoll is right get a half hour free solicitor time it doesn't seem much but half an hour can give you a lot of information
3k in bank notes in the drawer!! I think I'd feel like having a little burglary ...but for sure half should be yours
Gosh what a pickle wishing you all the best