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AIBU

Angry at husbands reaction

(33 Posts)
DancingDuck Fri 29-May-26 14:49:08

DH has children from a previous relationship whom I have been step-mum to since they were young and I love them very much. We were not able to have a child together ....long story but basically his fault... One of his DD's is pregnant and we visited recently and enjoyed spending time chatting and looking at all the lovely things she is gathering for the new arrival. On the way home I mentioned that while I am excited to be a Step-Grandma it is hard for me as it makes me really sad to realise what I have missed out on by not being a Mum. He said he knows how I feel - he obviously doesn't since he has his kids - and he was angry at me for mentioning it. One of my childless friends always said that you experience the grief twice - once when you realise you own journey is over and again when peers start having grandkids. AIBU to have expected a bit more understanding when he knows how much I longed for a child of my own?

David49 Sat 30-May-26 06:13:22

Men can be incredibly insensitive, but that doesn't change the fact that you haven't got children of your own, you need to speak to him seriously that you were upset by his comments.

My wife has 5 GC but has very much been kept at arms length with only occasional contact, outwardly it doesn't seem to bother her, inwardly Im sure she would like more but just gets on with her own life.

Macaydia Sat 30-May-26 07:16:36

To expand on that, you feeling angry is not unreasonable. You telling your husband you are angry serves no good purpose.

BlueBelle Sat 30-May-26 07:27:49

I think your husband was being ‘male defensive’ he probably feels really horrible that he caused you ( you say his fault ???) to not have your hearts desire but because there’s nothing he can do about it now he put his steel armour on and defected the blame by becoming angry
I can totally understand how you feel but you are only hurting yourself to keep on feeling it as it’s nothing that can be rectified now
Say no more and enjoy the new arrival but your feelings are perfectly valid 💐

Smileless2012 Sat 30-May-26 08:55:37

FAncingDuck did not tell her husband she's angry at not having had a child of her own Macaydia.

Smileless2012 Sat 30-May-26 08:56:23

I mean DancingDuck.

Esmay Sat 30-May-26 09:40:28

I see both sides to this .
Your husband's reaction makes me wonder if he's sensitive about not being able to give you a child.
It's very difficult for you to express your pain to him and he's defensive.
He must feel guilty.

Try to talk about it to a close friend and perhaps not to him in future.
But if it becomes an issue you both might need counselling .

LemonJam Sun 31-May-26 12:10:41

It's not unreasonable at all to be sad that you have missed out on being a Mum and the visit highlighted and reignited your painful loss.

Most people would understand the loss- perhaps as your husband is trying to convey when he knows how you feel. That is he might have been trying to demonstrate empathy and understanding as he cares about you. No one, including your husband can know your actual feelings and how you are experiencing them internally.

Your question: *AIBU to have expected a bit more understanding when he knows how much I longed for a child of my own?*- is very difficult to answer as your expectations are unknown and unclear.

Describe to us what you mean by "a bit more understanding" and what you expect and hope for from your husband by way of his words and actions. As I don't know- perhaps your husband does not know? Meanwhile he is walking on egg shells regarding the forthcoming birth of this grandchild and in your eyes failing to meet your needs and expectations.