I have three children, adults. Sadly I am estranged from my middle DD and my eldest DD have always had a difficult relationship. She is on a reasonable wage but only works part time. Her partner is unreliable financially. She recently informed us that her own DD is rapidly growing out of her clothes. I had a look on eBay and ordered some lovely items and spent around £100. Am I unreasonable to expect a telephone call to thank me and this is just basic manners? My DH thinks a thank you from wattsApp is sufficient. I don’t! They are lovely clothes, Boden, Marks, Monsoon etc and in lovely condition, and look like new.
A thank you, whether vocally, by letter or by a messaging app, is still a thank you!
Next time you see your DGD she may give you a big hug for her lovely new clothes. That would be lovely, too, but I wouldn't expect a 4 yr old to be calling people to say thank you, unless a parent makes the call and puts them on to talk to you. But, you could call them and she may chat and tell you how nice her new clothes are!
A phone call would be good as would a Whatsapp thank you.
Regardless of whether your Granddaughter likes the clothes, she should say thank you. I always taught my DD'S to thank the in-laws, despite the awful, tacky things they gave them. Definitely never gave them anything remotely good quality or nice
What Grandmabatty said
I think you are being unreasonable here.
Our children's generation do tend to use texting on their phones for everything and you did at least get a thank you.
Lots of gransnetters apparently don't when they send presents or otherwise do favours.
My daughter finds texting easier than e-mailing. I don't but answer her queries if they are short ones, otherwise I send her a text saying: full answer by email.
She knows I find texting difficult and prefer e-mails, and I know that to her the opposite is true, so we have tried to work out a compromise.
I remember resenting as a child being made to write thank you letters to my grandparents on the grounds that they did not consider a telephone call sufficient thanks, and I assume the young these days feel the same about having to phone instead of just sending a message.
My Mum used to visit us by bus , no drivers available, we met her off the bus
One day middle child could hardly wait to see what Grandma had in her bag , I was so cross I wouldn’t let my Mum give the gifts till each child apologised for middle child’s rudeness
Later Mum told me she wasn’t looking for apologies or thanks and didn’t visit for a few weeks ,
Those children are all grown into polite adults , but I’m still sorry I spoiled my Mums pleasure in letting the children rifle her bag for small treats
Politeness needs to be taught I guess , but giving and expecting thanks is not necessarily the be all and end all
No, you’re not unreasonable. I too appreciate a thank you. My GD had her birthday recently and she asked for money. So I put some in her card and although I rang her on her birthday she didn’t once mention her birthday money. It’s the same with all the grandchildren for birthdays and Christmas. When I visit they’re always looking to see what I’ve brought them. I was a child in the late 60’s and I would write down who bought me what and send them a thank you card. Hasn’t things changed.
I think a WhatsApp message is a perfectly acceptable way of saying thank you.
A thank you is a thank you to me ! I’d be happy with that
When my granddaughter was expecting a baby boy I crocheted a blanket in blue and white and asked my DIL to give it to her. I didn’t hear anything for three weeks so contacted my son to ask if he knew anything about it, I could tell something was wrong but was shocked when he told me that my GD didn’t care for the blanket as it was old fashioned and it wasn’t the theme she was doing for the baby. I told him to pass it on to someone who could use it and I not only didn’t get a thank you for my hard work I got a slapped face as well, good manners don’t exist today in the modern world and it’s getting worse.
My only concern is to know the gift arrived safely so always pay for tracking. I did not go back to work till our DC were 10 and 12 and DH was willing able to look after them while I trained and then took up a career. I have had lovely thank you letters from relatives but do not expect them. I know I would struggle to ensure formal gratitude if I'd had to juggle work with child care from DC's early years and all the other challenges of recent years.
I agree with kim19
Op, this is not about the thank you and clothes though - if you are honest with yourself
Yes, your dh is right
I would accept a thank you by whatsapp. I sent my estranged daughter some money, in cash, to buy my grandson his school shoes. I would have liked acknowledgement that it'd been received. Heard nothing. I don't want bells & whistles, or even a thank you, I do things because I want to, but an acknowledgement would be appreciated.
Yes a phone call or in person would be great but unfortunately younger generation don’t think the way we do so for them a thank you via text message is a normal for them even my oldest granddaughter who is 12 she will send me thks I don’t even get the full word how she messages her friends is what we get even her other gran complains lol but it’s sign of the times.
WhatsApp Thankyou is fine
choughdancer
I would be fine with a WhatsApp thank you.
Yes, I'm fine with WhatsApp too.
As long as she has said thanks over message, I don't see the issue at all - it's more of a generational thing to expect a phone call. If she hasn't said thanks at all (in any capacity) that's a different story.
WhatsApp thank you is fine! Presumably you gave because you saw a need and you spent what you could afford on your GD. If you sit there smarting because your DD didn't write a fulsome letter, you are the one who will suffer. What do you want her to do? I would say that seeing your granddaughter wearing the clothes would be the best thanks.
Different cultures, different behaviors. The next generation always behaves differently. You may not have noticed it but you will have had different manners to your parents.
She thanked you. How it's done will probably have changed again by the time her daughter is an adult, if not before. It's seems she is happy with your taste in clothes which is a great compliment. I would concentrate on the big positive rather than the imagined negative.
A whatsapp thank you is worth as much as any other kind of thank you in my view. My youngest DD tends to put ❤️❤️❤️ after her whatsapp thank yous. That's nice too.
Thank you for your replies. I use WhatsApp mysel per haps I am just old fashioned
We never get many thankyous from our DS or DIL. I always have a bit of a rant bout it but I get over it. Dd by the way will always send a watssapp thankyou. I do think tecting has become the modern way of thanking people. My MIL is 92 and we always have to remind our DS etc to call her up to thank her for gifts else she never hears anything. I sometime apologise to her for them!
A WhatsApp thank you is fine by me. It's better than stony silence. At least you know your present has been received and appreciated.
She did thank you. She sent a WhatsApp message. Young people don't use the phone in the way we did in the past. I think you were very generous but are being a bit unreasonable here. Why don't you phone her for a conversation and tell her you enjoy speaking to her?
A WhatsApp text is absolutely fine. Why would you need a phone call if you’ve had that?
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