Inheritance

I have to agree with not telling him, if he's going to make a ridiculous fuss about it.

As others have said, wills and inheritance can be a minefield and cause so much hassle and bad feeling, if things are not fair, crystal clear, and legally watertight.

My DF was married to my stepmother for 30 years. He had done quite well for himself and used to tell me with great pride that their wills left everything to the surviving spouse, and then when they died it would be divided equally between me and her sons. I had a very loving relationship with her and was shocked to find that 5 years after his death she cut off all contact with me. I eventually wrote to ask her about the will and she replied that there was no money left (not true). I was/am too weak to pursue this with a lawyer (in America) so just feel sad for my trusting father.

YOU MUST ABSOLUTELY MAKE A WILL! And so must he. Sorry to shout but your post rings enormous warning bells. No husband worth his salt would be averse to the making of wills. And if you died first and he decided to keep all ypur money there would be nothing your children could do about it without a will.

If you died first with no will and then he died intestate, unless he has adopted the children would not the money go to his relations, however distant? Something I feel you should check up on.

Having read and reread the post, I cannot believe that someone who own 6 properties, manages letting most of them out would not consult a solicitor. You must have engaged solicitors and acturies and know the implications of doing nothing.

My Dad left my sister and I his house but after his second wife dies. It's a nightmare. She won't talk to us, and lives miles away. We wouldn't know if she sold the house as she was the only executor. We insisted she got another executor because if she dies and leaves to her son we would find it difficult to get it back. But she chose another relative. My Dad didn't want this to happen. The will wasn't drawn up very well. So beware. My Dad was obsessed with my Mother who died fairly young. When he met our step mother. He changed towards us until the end when he wanted us. She was irritable with him as he became ill.

This thread has been very useful to me and I hope to newnanny also.
I've now decided what to do and it includes telling husband. He's just too lazy/ostrich-like.
I can't do much about the french house - we already have the clause aléatoire that MOnica referred to. Anyway none of our children want it, it's a costly liability that is hard to sell, if ever.
I'll write a will concerning mainly our UK house, which I would want to be shared among the 4 of them, whether it's legally accepted or not. It all depends who goes first, him or me.

You have made me realize how naive/lazy I have been about this. I am going to make an appointment next week with solicitor and sort it out before we go on holiday in July. I will try one last time to get my husband to come with me and do it together but if he remains stubborn I will go alone. I am going to leave him my share of our home and 3 joint buy to lets and leave my 3 children my 2 BTL between them which generate good income and £10,000 each from my estate. I can always add to it over time.

I would like to leave my share of French houses to DH because he loves it there and say I would like my DC to have annual access but I don't think I can as I think under French law my DC have to inherit something but I am aware French laws have changed recently so will check it all out with solicitor. Does that sound reasonable to you? I want to be fair to all.

well done you've made the right decision.

Many years ago my auntie died. She had 2 adult children. My uncle remarried. Ironically, he dropped dead the night before he was due to see a solicitor to create a will. Wife no 2 got the lot. Eventually, she promised my cousins she would leave them something if she died. However, when she was terminally ill, she sold the house, moved in with her own daughter and spent the lot on home improvements there, so there was nothing left for my cousins to claim. Never assume anything in law. We are in Scotland BTW.

Yes I agree with luckylegs9 . Get professional advice.

Not leaving a will could lead to all sorts of family squabbles, the state will inevitably take much more than you would want and I was surprised to hear that any siblings can have an automatic claim, your DH may get more than you agreed, the kids/GC share could be different to what you expect. In our case we have a mirror will, but I have 2DS by previous marriage and my MIL does not want them to get a penny from her estate. I'm likely to outlive DH, her sole legatee and want to leave a share from my personal estate to my GC, not their parents, so considering trust fund administered by DS, hopefully enforcing a family reconciliation!

My grandmother owned property an in her last few years of life, continually told me she had asked 2 of her surviving children to make sure I got something out of her estate. She didn't make a will.

I didn't even get a teacup - there were a few phone calls from one of my aunts to discuss with me what I might be allowed to have but they came to nothing.

I have a will. Get to a solicitor anyone who hasn't.

I cannot say this loud or clear enough......MAKE A WILL NOW.....I know your DH may be upset but it would be foolish to have the amount of assets that you have and not to make a will. It will make sorting out assets much easier to go through probate if you have a will in place. You should put in your will that DH has somewhere to live obviously plus any other assets that you have gained whilst together and the remainder to go to your children or else it will all go to him, he may later re marry and it will all to his new wife. Please make that appointment to see the solicitor right now......

Make your own will now, my late DH & I realised it was time to make our wills. We had put it off because I only owned 1/4 share in DM's house(DD also has same share left to us by my DS-F), DH still owned our home with his ex. DH wanted to be sure I inherited his 1/2 share in our home. My will actually was more complicated, our decision came about as DH was going into Hospital for a major operation.

When we moved we made new wills as our situation changed as we owned our new home between us.

As you only have 1 DGC your solicitor should advise you that you leave what you wish to DGC & any sunsequent DGC who have not yet been born (even if you don't think there will be anymore).

Good luck persuading your DH but that doesn't stop you making yours. My SiL should have had an inheritance from a much loved Aunt, she never made a will which surprised the family.

newnanny absolutely the right decision, but an English solicitor will not know the details of French law, so next time you are in France go and speak to the local Notaire, and he will tell you exactly what you can and cannot do on the legal front in France. We certainly had no problems at all sorting out the inheritance on our French holiday home.

Tigger French inheritance law has been changed twice in recent years and is no longer as prescriptive as it was, but it is now quite complicated but a very simple French will can be made by foreign home owners to ensure their house goes entirely to a partner on death.

You need to find an IFA (Independent Financial Advisor) as well as a solicitor. Your children may be losing a substantial amount in inheritance tax if you don't offload some property to them now.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/best-financial-advisers

Please make a will to secure what YOU want for your children. My sil and her sister had to watch when the house their father bought was given to their stepfather's daughter when sil's mum died. This after a long and apparently vg relationship with stepfather...till mum died then it all went v bad. He wouldnt let them have anything - she'd changed her will cos he swore he'd do the right thing. Its not worth the risk.

Son in law and his siblings can tell the same story as chamelion, dont rely on ' the remaining parent will be fair to all children'. It may very well not happen. Sil doesnt have a single thing to remember his father by.

I don't understand why women marry men that they don't trust to look after their children.

I agree with you Ilovecheese, but I dont think the problem is trusting your partner, it is trusting anyone who might come along after the wife dies. Men are well known for being incapable of staying single after losing their wife (no problem there, in itself) but if they should then precede wife number two and trust her to be kind to children from a previous marriage with whom she may not have bonded (hardly the same when they are grown, as children it might be different) especially if she has children of her own.

Newnanny and TriciaF are you aware that there is an EU directive that states that you may choose to make a will following either your home nationality rules, or the rules of the country of residence? I am not sure that residence in France applies to you, Newnanny, but I think it does apply to you, Tricia. I am resident in Spain and my will follows UK law in that I can leave my estate to whomsoever I wish, in my case my husband and then our children. He is Swiss so could choose between Swiss and Spanish inheritance laws. Spanish law states that half of the estate must be left to the children, Swiss law that a third must be left to the children, so he chose to use Swiss law. Bear in mind that inheritance tax is paid at the rate of the country where the estate is situated, not the country of inheritance law, and that non-EU citizens can be charged a considerably higher rate than EU citizens. This is just one of many things that will change when UK leaves the EU.

If you don't tell your DH about the will, you need to ensure your children are aware. If you appoint a solicitor as executor, he may not know if you die, and your DH could continue as if the estate is all his.
Re the comments on European laws, I was aware of this and always wonder where the widow/er is supposed to live if the house has to be sold to give the DC their share?