Low Boredom Threshold- too much energy

I admit I can be a bit. of a butterfly and am trying to ground myself more.

There has also been a bit of getting away from DH, who has a bad back and does everything very slowly. He also gets up at 10-11am and goes to bed very late.

I think a large part of my 'getting it all in' is to do with my late mother and her sisters, who all had earlyish onset senile dementia. I have a fear of also 'losing my marbles' in my 70s and am trying to stave this off by keeping mentally active.

Gracegran, I've no interest in gaining a degree, especially now they are so commonplace. I spent years studying at night school for my banking diploma and don't wish to be bogged down by assignments.

Thank you all for your suggestions. And I'm jealous of those women who find it so easy to chill. However, I'm fit and healthy- so far- so should count my blessings.

Maybe you need to learn a physical skill - a sport, an art, a craft. Something that stretches abilities you have not so far used, but can be picked up and put down as you wish.

Do you sew? If not, you could learn. If you do, have you tried pattern cutting to create your own designs? There are many other arty-crafty things, mosaics, stained glass, clay modelling, silk painting, watercolours, oils, acrylics, pastels. There are woodwork, miniatures, metal-work, leather.

There are enough sports to keep you active for the next hundred years, as well as golf, bowls, badminton, tennis, swimming, all the more common ones, there is archery, for example. One gransnetter has taken up archery at a greater age than yours, and with a considerable disability, and is loving it.

Whatever you take up, other people are going to be a big part of it. They will stop that feeling you have of being adrift in a mist.

I'm quite clumsy and can't hit balls, so tennis & golf are not very practical. I play lots of competitive bridge in a local club, as well as with DH and friends.

I like the idea of arts & crafts. I'm not very creative but it's worth pursuing I suppose.

Thanks gran gang for all your suggestions.

trueblue you may think degrees are 'commonplace' but they are hard won and very satisfying- perhaps you are worried about being academically challenged.

Photography?

The thing about crafts is that you don't need to be creative. The difference between a craft and an art is that crafts can be learned step by repeated step. It's a bit like learning to play the piano; many will master the craft but fewer will become artists in the playing and even fewer set the world alight with their artistry. This does not in any way devalue the craft. Have you had an interest in any area of crafting? I think that may help although a new one could be inspiring too. There are a lot of classes around although they can take some finding.

I do just wonder if you are looking for a reason for being though. We do define ourselves by our jobs, those we care for, for what we contribute to society and I have a feeling that many take a while to move to the point where our reason for being is just that we are here and then build on that rather than trying to define ourselves.

By the way, it is quite easy to find work; I have a couple of friends, with professional backgrounds, who have gone to work in a local supermarket and similar. They find freedom, camaraderie and are held in high esteem. You are dismissing quite a few areas because the people who do them are too old, the results are "commonplace" or, in the case of jobs, you would not get one at the level where you perceive yourself to be. Shake off the idea of how you should be seen in the world and you might find it quite empowering.

Good post.

trueblue22 have you thought about helping people with debt problems? You seem to have a financial background and there are loads of people out there who need help sorting their finances. I know the Citizens Advice Bureau offer debt counseling but if you would find that too formal why not look for local residents' associations. There is also the U3A you could offer short courses. Oh and just thought if you understand shares and banking what about a group that either pretends to invest or even really invests?

That's a very positive & insightful post Gracegran. I see your point about feeling a need to to 'define yourself'. I don't see myself as a pensioner and the caricature of a lady with a grey perm going on coach trips visiting gardens & historic houses. It's just not in my character. My DH would like more of that from me, but he married someone who was always quirky.

Will spend some time chilling, getting to see friends and my daughter, who I've been too busy to visit lately. I've just spent 3 weeks staying with her & the baby, as she strained her back. Her DH is too busy with his work to help and I really enjoyed that time with her & the DGS. I'll see where my life takes me next.

Not all people of pensionable age have grey perms and spend time on coach trips to stately homes, though. I am not grey, I have no perm, I don't wear beige crimplene pinafore dresses or lisle stockings. I am 76.

I am currently painting the conservatory walls and windowsills, and when I finish that I shall sand the Parker Knolls that sit out there and re-cover them, then sand the table and chairs to match them. If my hands don't rebel against the vibration of the sander, I shall then start on the teak bench in the garden (by then it will probably be autumn, so I may not get much time sitting on the renovated bench)

If you see yourself as in any danger of going down the grey pensioner route just because you are that age, then it is time to re-evaluate your image of a pensioner, and try new things now before "old rocking chair will get you". If DH doesn't want to join you, leave him sitting in the rocking chair in front of the goggle-box, but he may well find that there are interesting things for him to do as well.

Aren't there any things you and your husband would like to do together?

You strike me as being a bit scared.

Scared of old age and its possible health problems
Scared of becoming like what you see as a typical pensioner
Scared of spending too much time with your husband
Scared of conforming
Scared of being judged?

I dont think this is as much a case of what you want to do, but more a case of what you dont want to do, and dont want to become.

But you dont have to be or do much of the above list do you?
It is fine to be or do what you want, no matter what your age.

Good for you! A woman after my own heart. I also decorate, do the DIY and all the schlepping in my house. DH has bad back and is restricted in physical activity.

BTW, DH and I get along fine. He is quite young at heart, loves his food & wine with an excellent brain & a wicked sense of humour. We bounce off each other (not physically!) all the time

I don't really understand what boredom is and I don't really understand how any free, energetic person can either. Sure, if what you can do is limited by imprisonment or illness, but it doesn't sound as if you have that problem. In short, you have no excuse for being bored so don't be. There is always plenty to do either by oneself or with/for other people. Get out there and kick ass.

Your characterisation of U3A is way off the mark. Have you ever tried to get involved? Grey perms? For goodness sake! Most of the members I know are still blonde - well, the women. There are theatre visit which enable me to see first class productions at a concessionary group rate and without the hassle of finding a parking space. I've seen more plays and other performances in the four years since our U3A started than in the previous twelve years! Interest groups are well attended - I co-organise a writing group - and if there's nothing you want to attend, you can always start a group that reflects your own interests. So please don't stereotype the U3A and its members.

I think the key to all this is your fear of what happened to your mother. Maybe go in an opposite direction and try something like mindfullness that will help you to find an inner peace by doing nothing rather than blotting out the fear by constantly doing something. I do understand though because I try to fill my life with stuff that stops me worrying [I can worry for England].

I do think there is a difficulty for those who have recently reached state pension age (I think that would be all women over 63). Firstly, more of those you are most likely to have something in common with from a simple age point of view are continuing to work so are not available. Then many of them are looking after grandchildren and some are caring for elderly relatives. That takes out quite a big chunk of those in the first decade of retirement. Obviously joining something where everyone has the same interest means age does not matter but it is nice to have some thing that you do with some who are at much the same stage in life.

Have you come across NWR trueblue22? It was originally NHR (National Housewives Register now Women's rather than Housewives ) This started because of an article in the Guardian about home and child-minding having a blunting effect on a women's mind. This was way back in 1960 when women's lives were very different. Maureen Nicol, one such housewife, wrote a letter to the editor in response saying: “Since having my first baby I have been constantly surprised how women seem to go into voluntary exile in the home once they leave their outside work… Perhaps housebound wives with liberal interests and a desire to remain individuals could form a national register so that whenever one moves, one could contact like-minded friends. This led to the register and meeting once a month in different peoples homes.

As I say, it is still going and might be worth a look at in your area - it saved my sanity when I moved to a new area and had a baby six months later. If that doesn't fit the bill perhaps you could start a similar group for "us". Just don't call it Pensioner's Register . As Elegran said many of us are or see ourselves as far from the cartoon picture of a pensioner.

Just bumping this to see if trueblue22 is still around and if so did you reach any conclusions?

trueblue It sounds to me like you are unable to relax or perhaps need the public affirmation of your usefulness that being involved in various community projects can bring.

In my view, there is a happy medium. I can't see anything wrong with enjoying pottering in the garden, walking the dog, going on coach trips and having nice holidays whilst at the same time having some other community-related interests. I'm not sure it's healthy though to feel so driven that you seem to want every minute filled with specific goal-related activities.

I very much enjoy having time to spend with my grandchildren and am only sorry that, like most mums who have had to work, I didn't have the same amount of time, energy and patience for my own children.

You're only 7 years off 70 yourself and I'm sure you wouldn't want to be seen as "old" or uninteresting/uninterested. I'm only 5 years away from 70 and don't feel I fit the rather passive stereotype that you seem to have in your mind. Although I haven't attended any U3A courses, I believe that the people who do must be quite interested in the world - even if they are in their 70's.

I'm still here and currently playing lots of club bridge. Have applied to play in a national EBU tournament, which is being held this summer in my town.

Apart from that going round charity shops buying interesting pieces to sell on EBay. After summer will look for a voluntary job which might interest me.

I'm really keen to move back to London, where daughter lives with GS, so I can help her more. Apart from DH, I miss having family nearby

I was going to suggest getting an allotment but if you are thinking about moving, this may not be such a good idea.

We have had one for several years. We go first thing in the morning, do some weeding and bring home any produce that is ready, chop it up and put it in the oven with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Next it is off to the shower, then add garlic bread to the oven, have an early lunch and we are ready for the day ahead.

Yesterday it was beetroot, fennel, red onion, garlic, tomatoes, broad beans and the remains of the asparagus. Delicious! We are keeping the neighbours supplied with delicious strawberries and raspberries at the moment and one of them gives us duck eggs in exchange.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being bored sometimes. I live deep in the French countryside which can be very dull in winter, but coming to terms with that has generally been positive for me. If it does get to me, I go out for a long walk and get really physically tired.
I retired after a very demanding career and the last thing I wanted to do was take on a lot of meetings and committees. I think developing your inner resources is quite important as you get older, reading, listening to music, reflecting on things.
Exercise is also very important to us and we garden a lot, grow a lot of our own food and manage the largish property that we have here.
Our immediate neighbours are mostly in their eighties and nineties and are fit, alert and busy with gardening and agricultural work. They get their hips replaced and carry on digging!
I go to England quite often to stay with DD and enjoy a week of shopping and entertainment, but I am always glad to get back to our peaceful life.
I know people who rush from one activity to the next, but I am honestly not sure how happy it makes them.

Sounds like you've got life sorted mamie! There is something too about developing inner resources. I know its daft but I almost enjoy the rare moments of enforced boredom eg waiting at airports. There's nothing to do but wait. My mind goes wandering and I seem to come up with my best ideas then. When I was a child I was often left to my own devices as Grans etc often had a rest in the pms. I had a great time making up stories or reading which is pretty much what I do now in spare moments. Good training! The DGSs have every moment occupied for them so never have to make their own entertainment. That's another thread though I reckon!

Well trueblue22 I think I know exactly how you feel. I was going to start a thread on retired 3 months and sooo bored to see if others feel the same, but since reading your thread, I'll not dare now.

I'm 63 my work contract finished the end of March, I'm still on a bank contract so they could call me back if they have temp work for me but I really can't face interviews for other employment. Done enough of those, on both sides of the interview desk in my time! I spent 2 months reorganising and replanting the garden, then my partner retired about 6 weeks ago. Since then we have been emptying the garage as it needs knocking down before it falls down. I also used to buy and sell at auctions and ebay and there was a fair amount of old stock in the garage so I've been sorting that out.

Now I'm at a loose end and I find the days starting to go by without me having achieved very much. As I've always had a to do list in my hands, I am finding it very difficult to come to terms with my new slower identity. However, I feel personally the boredom is essential. It's motivating me to really think deeply about what I want to do and how much I want commit to anything. I've got a programme of maths work ready for my grandson for the school holidays (just a couple of hours twice a week before people think I'm a tyrant) and we've just got the new puppy I promised my partner he could have when he retired. Funny how "Yes you can have a dog if it is totally your responsibility" is already morphing into me doing the mopping up. Still hopefully, it will get us out walking.

Anyway what I wanted to say is that I understand, 63 seems too young to me to stagnate (that's a gut feeling, I'm not trying to diss anyone else's choices here) and I hope we can both make the boredom work for us to stimulate our minds and shape our new futures.

CAB debt counselling - yep, there is huge need. I do CAB (not debt, crap at maths) as I need a bit of structure in the week - Mondays and Fridays prop up the week - other things during the week, clubs and visits to family don't for me fill the gap that has been left by stopping work. Four hours twice a week, recently down from 6 x 2, helps.

Hub has been and will be glued to tennis/cricket for the foreseeable. He just doesn't feel the need to do much else- goes to the gym and for walks. Sometimes i go with him (not to the gym!)

Airports, any waiting room, buses, trains , great for doing nothing and not feeling you should be doing something. The days are shorter now as do not surface till about 11, after brek and the paper.

And another thing, you can't really enjoy a holiday unless it is a holiday FROM something - when I first retired did nothing much and then hub said "Let's go on holiday" - was just like what we had been doing at home but in a different place without the dodgy phone calls.

Rambles on......