New to all this and emotional wreck

I can really empathise with how you are feeling. My daughter gave birth to my first grandchild two weeks ago - a beautiful baby girl.
I managed to control myself during the phone call telling me of the birth but collapsed sobbing in a heap when I put the phone down. I think it was pure relief that my daughter was okay plus the joy of the new arrival.
They live over 200 miles away and I went down to stay for a couple of nights the next day and will be going again for a week next week. Feel so privileged to be able to share this wonderful experience with them and am on my best behaviour!

I was working with a group of young mothers when my daughter was pregnant and asked them for advice on how to approach being a grandmother. One of them said, 'Remember you're a mum first'. My granddaughter is now 3 and that was the best advice I've had - not sure that I always remember it though..... but should.

Can only agree with what everyone is saying to you so will just add Congratulations on having such a lovely family. My daughter had a baby boy 16 months ago and he is our first and likely to be only grandchild. The emotion for both myself and husband on holding him and being with him goes very deep and wasn't quite what we expected so these feelings seem to affect us all. We live at least a 3 hour drive from them while his other grandparents are local so not always easy for us. Try to make the most of the time you have with the family, not always easy I know, but be kind to yourself and go with how you feel.

Congratulations on being a granny. I can empathise with you since the birth of my twin grandsons 7 weeks ago. I love seeing them and miss them so much when I don't see them which is usually at the weekend. I have waited a long time to be a granny and the boys' birth have given me a new focus in life. My daughter needs a lot of help and I consider it a privilege to be able to provide this. You must be so proud of your daughter- she sounds like a real coper and has already created a family unit with her partner which bears testament to her own upbringing.

Congratulations on being a granny. I can empathise with you since the birth of my twin grandsons 7 weeks ago. I love seeing them and miss them so much when I don't see them which is usually at the weekend. I have waited a long time to be a granny and the boys' birth have given me a new focus in life. My daughter needs a lot of help and I consider it a privilege to be able to provide this. You must be so proud of your daughter- she sounds like a real coper and has already created a family unit with her partner which bears testament to her own upbringing.

Hello and welcome joscurry!

Sounds like you have already taken on board the unwritten rules of being a Grandma. Physically standing back yet being deeply emotionally involved. Its what we do!

I only had daughters so can only speak from that vantage but, when a daughter has a child the whole world takes on a new meaning. We always want to fight our children's battles and so when they are going through the most intense experience they will ever have it's so hard to hold back and let them make the running.

All I can really say is that you just have to let the new parents make the running, offer help (practical/emotional) IF ITS ASKED FOR. You can of course buy presents....in my experience big things need checking with them first......so I only went ahead and bought a cot after tactfully asking them both if it was wanted and what style etc. Clothing and small toys are not such a potential minefield. I did send by newly delivered daughter some really nice new Mum type toiletries that were very welcomed.

To be honest though, sounds as if you are really thinking this through and there is so much joy to be had just watching the new parents getting to grips with this amazing event. Watching my new SIL, who I knew very little about at the time, become this amazing caring new Dad who was so supportive to my darling daughter was a revelation.

Enjoy!

Congrats on becoming a Grandma! Just like being a parent, being a grandparent isn't always easy but most people muddle through successfully! Enjoy your visits and cuddles when you can. Facetime or Sype calls are great, especially when they are tiny. As they get older, we find that the grandchildren aren't so keen to still still for long, and also don't like the fact that they can't give us a 'proper' cuddle on Skype, but it is better than not seeing them at all. Good luck

When we were expecting our first grandchild (Harrison now 12), our daughter and husband bought us a book called Your First Grandchild, by Peggy Vance, Claire Neilson and Paul Greenwood. It's an amusing tongue in cheek view of what it's like to be a grandparent with some underlying messages of what you should and shouldn't do. If you get the chance read it (still on sale at Amazon). We've managed to steer our way through four grandchildren now (2 of each) and it certainly helped us remember what you should/shouldn't do. Would also say it's totally different if it's your daughter or daughter in law who's given birth! Love them all to bits

Hallo joscurry and as others have said this is all quite normal but it is very confusing isn't it. When my daughter gave us our beautiful grandson I cried buckets for what I thought was losing her and relief that she was Ok after a difficult pregnancy. She didn't live near us and now has moved even further away. GS is lovely but now growing fast (11) but I miss his baby and toddler days. We treasure the photos and videos we have of him. Take lots of them and get on Skype or Facetime if you can. Congratulations on your new and very important role.

Congratulations, joscurry. Your emotions are quite normal. We remember the moment of bonding with our own firstborn but maybe the feeling of bonding with a first GC is quite unexpected. Don't tell my other four GC whom I love very dearly, but I still, 23 years on, feel a very special bond with my first GD.

and her mum is lovely too

even the non biological granddaughter..my sons partner ...first met her a year ago ..this weekend ...has wormed her way into my heart and I love her dearly aged 2 going on 22 she is a delight...

Congratulations, joscurry and Ashtree! I don't know why grandchildren are so special, but they are.

Well, feeling better because of you people. 8 days a grandma and coming to terms with the powerful emotion. I guess you really don't expect such a powerful emotional response. I'm one of the last of my friends to become one and although some expressed emotion; one friend said, it's quite something when your daughter has a daughter. I can see the power is the matriarchal line!
I am proud of my daughter... And my new little granddaughter...
Just need to hold on, methinks. I don't like rollercoaster rides, I think I survived my first descent!
Thank you...
I will suggest Skype to my daughter... That will be a good thing..

joscurry Congratulations Grandma. The excitement of holding a new Grandchild is amazing.

Just congratulations and enjoy whatever time you get with your granddaughter. Skype is great for keeping in touch because you will be able to see her

Congratulations Joscurry. My baby granddaughter was born last Wednesday. She lives in Surrey and I live in N. Ireland so we aren't close either. She is my 6th grandchild but each of them has been such a joy. I was a birth partner at all of their births and it is such an emotional thing each time.

You will find your role eventually, don't worry. I found that each of my DDs wanted advice and reassurance with their first babies so you will probably find that happening. Your role as the little one gets older will develop. Like all children she will need lots of love, spoiling and play from her gran. But do remember that mum and dad are the bosses now! What they say must be respected. Some grandparents forget that.

Welcome to the forum btw.

You will settle with a bit of time . I think part of the problem is that you are so far away from them.The other thing is when your own children have children, it is a kind of loss to you ( they are no longer children) and your role is over.we are Mothers for so many years, that this bit is hard to transition.I do wish I had given more thought to my own Mother when I first had a baby and was a five hour drive away as well.

Congratulations! I can so understand how you feel, as my daughter gave birth to a little girl two weeks ago - not my first grandchild, but my first granddaughter. Each of my grandchildren have brought such joy and the depth of feelings can take you by surprise - it is different somehow with your grandchildren, when you are more relaxed, less tired. I find I marvel at little details that I suspect passed me by when my children were tiny - but now I can stare at little fingernails or eyelashes and just melt. It is a wonderful feeling!

And how lucky you are to find that your daughter is already proving to be such a great mummy - that must be so reassuring for you, especially as she lives a distance from you. You won't need to worry about how she is coping. I too was amazed that she felt well enough to travel that distance so soon after giving birth! Good for her, you clearly did a good job as her mum .

It's so good that she is being fair to everyone, which will surely mean that you will be able to spend time regularly with your new little granddaughter and build a strong and loving relationship with her. Enjoy all the wonderful times ahead, and have a celebratory or two!

Congratulations on the arrival of your DGD - how exciting. The love that you feel for these new lives is extraordinary, and I find myself more moved by each developmental phase than I was with my own - I was probably too tired!

How wise of your DD to find a way to be fair to all with such a wide family - I am amazed that she felt able to come and see you after only a week - what a girl!

I have 7 GC now and each one is a special gift.

You will gradually find your role with this new little person and have many years of delight ahead of you.

Congratulations joscurry, your dd and sil sound lovely, so just enjoy what time you're allotted and don't make waves!
I never got that rush of emotions until my third dgd, but they kicked in with a vengeance then and I'm her total slave now!

Congratulations joscurry, grandchildren cause havoc in grandparents emotions, don't they. In our case, I seem to have a bit more of a grip than mriam, who weeps when he holds our tiny grandson. Your daughter sounds a real trouper, making family visits with such a tiny baby - she deserves a mother courage award (we should ask GNHQ to devise such a medal). for all

Thank you all so so much for taking time out to empathise with me... All your comments are really helping me make sense of the unmade jigsaw my life has become. My granddaughter is so so beautiful, and part of my emotion is watching my daughter and son in law being a team and its all so very very lovely. I'm glad I'm not alone, when I found this forum, I felt a lifeline had been thrown..... My daughter is juggling a very complicated family; 4 sets of grandparents is no mean task.... I am learning to share .... I loved being a mum and my every being was about that. Empty nest syndrome was really tricky... Defining yourself as a mum and then wondering what the hell you are, when yours fly is no mean feat.... Is it?

A new baby in the family wonderful.

I had found motherhood very difficult and suffered from post natal depression. So when I knew I was to become a grandmother I didn't make too much of it. How wrong could I be, I was besotted with GS1 and also GS2 It Is the best thing that has happened to me.

Once things have settled down for you joscurry you will slip into being a doting grandparent with ease, just give it time.