Worry about my 30 yr old daughter

Nothing you can do, except be there for her.

We are in the same situation with both DDs, if I offer advice I get my head bitten off, so I’ve learnt to be comforting with mouth firmly shut.

She's an adult so you don't need to do anything - except be there for her. Remind her that she won't always feel so bad.

If it is any consolation my DD was the same. She had a string of long but unsuitable relationships. The last one was 5 years and was a disaster. Fortunately they were both living in her flat so she kicked him out but was devastated.
We both spent the coming months in tears.
Then when she was 35 she met someone who is lovely. She married at 39 and they seem to be very happy.
Maybe like my DD yours is just finding out what she doesn't want. As she gets older her confidence could grow.

At the moment all you can do is be there for her. Many is the time I have sat on St Pancras station in tears waiting for the train home. Don't despair she is still very young by today's standards. Just be thankful they weren't married.

Perhaps when she is over the worst, some counselling may help, to both adress her constant worrying and anxiety and, possible, look at her relationships and why they fail. Does she choose the wrong type of men for her or what?

I can remember one friend who ploughed into marriage after marriage, three in all, with totally unsuitable women (for him), all very nearly identical in looks and personality. Each marriage would reach 5 years and crumble. He had begun to realise that he was getting something wrong, when sadly, he died prematurely.

If her worry and anxiety are destroying her relationships then it might be wise for her to address this. Otherwise the pattern will repeat itself. Could she a counsellor as a starting point?

Maybe her string of failed relationships is a sign she is not managing her life as well as she could . Can she he afford the cost of a psychologist?

@geordie1 you never said, was the relationship break up her fault, His fault or a mixture of both? Think back did your relationships always go smoothly?
By the sound of your name you're a geordie, I bet by the weekend she's oot on the toon making new memories

Put your right hand on your left shoulder
Put your left hand on your right shoulder
Now squeeze real tight
You just had a Virtual Hug from Me.

I’m with dragonfly on this. Almost exactly the same scenario with our eldest daughter. Then 7y ago at the age of 35y she met the most fantastic, kind and gentle guy. Together and SO happy now.

I honestly think it’s true - mums can only be as happy as their unhappiest child.

She’s young yet OP although she won’t see it that way. Comparing oneself to others doesn’t bring happiness either. Which is hard when unhappy.

Tell her to stop looking.

Love will find her. Truly. x

Don't tell her she never learns!
I've made too many mistakes with saying the wrong thing instead of being supportive & it's cost me my son, daughter and grandson

Just be there
Mine had the serious breakup
Was severely depressed
Literally
Just carry on being mum
She is now happy confident successful
Without a partner and happy in herself

I didn't have any of this with my own children/ adult offspring, but one GD has more than made up for that ! Although sad in parts her life has been one big worry for the family and continues to be so.

Even in her 37th year there doesn't seem to be any sense coming forthwith as regards partners.
I'm slowly learning to block out a lot which has gone on-----"to make room for that which is presently ongoing" ( rolls eyes )

Arms length is my motto at times like this, though because there are children too, I'm here for them if needed so still have to remain on the ball. It's tough going.

It reminds me of my eldest DD who throughout her 20s had boyfriends but she was always more invested in the relationships then they were
So the relationships never lasted and she was very upset. When she was 30 she remet the son of a friend of mine and they hit it off and have been happily married for almost 24 years with 2 lovely DSs. Of all my DC I would say her marriage is the happiest. We can't live their lives for them but just be there with a hug when things go wrong.

Finding causes and reasons for worries/ anxieties that dominate a persons life is not easy and I recommend your daughter obtains professional help.Many feel they can handle these emotions on their own which in the end all it achieves is pushing them deeper and deeper into the situation they need to escape from.Do you have a good relationship with your daughter? can she turn to you when needed? if so then why not suggest she obtain help in escaping from the fears and anxieties which appear to be dominating her life.

I love the earlier comment of
“She is just finding out what she doesn’t want”.
My eldest daughter went through the same. My approach was to listen but not to join her in her ‘woe is me’ chest beating.
I was there when she burst into our lounge in tears, I listened, I shared her memories, her anger etc and provided the hot chocolate or something stronger but focused more attention on the dusting herself off and the ‘what now’ of the conversation.
How hard it is for them but almost just as hard for parents. She is now married with two gorgeous stepsons.
And now I also have my youngest daughter who is 35, single with a lovely 4 year old.

As the quote reminds us...

“A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child.”

Please encourage her to get some counselling. The local counselling colleges will have inexpensive services, and if she doesn’t get a helpful one ask for a different one. Even if it’s a student they are all well supervised. A UKCP student is being well trained. Some of them are brilliant. I’m so sad to hear this and it can be simply some unresolved experience quickly dealt with. The past echoes through some people’s lives in a Sometimes tragic way. My friend for example lost his father in the war at age 6. Never dealt with it. Was married and when his daughter was age 6 his wife left him. To this day she’s not sure why tbh. I was the only one not surprised because he will never talk about that loss of his father. I’ve been in the business 27 years and seen so many people released from these painful patterns.

Anxiety and worrying can be a mental health issue. There are conditions that can lead the sufferer to sabotage relationships even though they don't mean to. Does she need to see a GP? It's the only way to know for sure.

You can do nothing except mop up the tears.

When my young DD's husband died she seemed to not want me around, and nothing I could do or say was right. So I had to "just be there", even though it broke my heart to see her suffer. Now though, more than three years down the line, she has begun to soften and let me in and we seem to have a stronger bond. So my advice, for what it's worth, is just to "be there". She's grieving, and will turn to you when she's ready. ?

I haven't time to read all the messages but it seems that you don't really understand anxiety if you speak about her "never seeming to learn."
I have a daughter who is the same and I can see the impact on her relationships but it is pretty pointless me saying that she needs to stop being anxious. I do try to get her help when I notice an opportunity, I do try to be supportive of her husband and to try to put things in context for him but appreciate how difficult, overwhelming and wearing it can be for him. Whilst he needs to be sensitive to her needs, I have suggested that he asks himself, "Would this be a reasonable thing for me to do in a relationship where there was no anxiety?" because pandering to anxiety can make it worse. Helping my daughter to cope, as he lives a life which is as normal as possible, is best achieved from kind support which means taking baby steps to overcome the anxiety. Sometimes this is possible, sometimes not and it takes a lot of understanding to know when those moments are.
I found speaking to MIND very helpful when I was struggling with DD's anxiety, it might help you too.

You mentioned this and previous romances failed due to her anxiety and worrying but do you know what this is about or is it the vicious circle that she finds someone, worries about what happened last time and finds herself worrying if the same is going to happen again?

All you can do is support her without giving any comment on what DD should do. As an adult she has to work her way through all the whys and wherefores.

Geordiel - you've identified that your daughter's anxiety seems to be the cause of her broken relationships. She may come over as 'too high maintenance' and her partners end up running away. Anxiety may be generalised and there are ways to help deal with this so the first step would be to suggest she see a counsellor specialising in CBT because this person will be able to get to the root cause of her anxiety which will always be a fear of something or other, and then work with her to change her negative thoughts.

You say she’s had several past relationships that have all ended in tears mostly due to her anxiety and worry, hopefully she is getting some help for this, or it could be ongoing, you say she never seems to learn but I’m not sure she can help it, talking to MIND could well help

I had the same worry with my daughter.She had several boyfriends ,but the relationships always ended ,for various reasons.She was 33 before she met’ the one’ ,connected with work. He is a few years younger than her,but they have now been married for 11 years at the end of this week.and have two children.
Don’t give up hope . The heartbreak is awful, but ,as they say, you never know what’s ’ just around the corner. Hope she finds happiness again soon.