Over protective dinl

Make plans but don’t tell her? Or is that dishonest?

Oh dear ! It does sound as though she is anxious and that probably doesn't have anything to do with your abilities. I can understand that you must be disappointed but perhaps she has seen behaviour in her daughter that you may not have witnessed . On this occasion I would let it go and maybe you could both take her together on the train another time . She's worried for both of you I think . A train ride may be just too much for her daughter to cope with and I hate to say it because you sound like such a loving Grandma but she does know her daughter better than you .Enjoy doing something else with her and don't rock the boat .

I imagine with your gd having autism your DiL could be overly cautious, and although you have experience of autism she may still feel worried about your plans. Would stick to the craft activities and the telly or reading. I know is frustrating but you still get to spend time with your gd.
I hope it all goes well.

Sorry sparkle1234 crossed posts!

No advice about family but

have you got a booking fir the Back to Backs. Its still holiday tme and you probably wont get in without one.

The trains are also not very reliable at the moment with a reduced service on lots of the main lines into Birmingham.

The weather forecast is pretty bad too.

Honestly its a trip I’d save for another time any way.

Maybe her mum’s thinking a bit like me 😬

Oh gosh - you should see the list of restrictions we had. We just made the best of it and did what we could. Young children find anything exciting - we used to get the bus to a Harvester for lunch. We did lots of crafts and painting and cooking.

Don't tempt me! 😂

What’s a back to back house ? A street of terraced houses ?

Two streets really. The back of each house adjoins the back of its counterpart in the next street as well as each side.

Do what your DIL wants, it will be easier for you anyway.
You could allow your DGC some art supplies or do baking?
I hardly see looking around a Birmingham back to back as a treat in any case and neither will a child.

We live in a “back to back” house, the bit that confuses me is how you “visit”

Is it like a historical street set up like a museum.

I completely understand why you’re disappointed, you clearly wanted to do something a little bit different for her birthday.

How about making and baking a birthday cake at your home, with lots of different icing and letting her choose and help with the decoration of it or make cookies or both??

Have a lovely day with her x

Cossy there is a street of back to back houses in Birmingham that have been preserved and managed by the National Trust. With respect I doubt you live in a traditional back-to-back. They were insanitory slum housing and very few exist

Fallingstar no apology needed , it sounds like we are all thinking along the same lines 😀

Back to back houses still exist and are lived in. They are all in West Yorkshire. Primarily in Leeds and Bradford. Leeds council continued to construct back to backs until 1937.

I remember back to back houses. Not ideal, but I had friends who lived in them in the 80ies. Theirs were certainly not insanitary slums. It was often said they were like “ little palaces” inside.
I sympathise with the OP. Baking and craft work were not the activities I did with my grandchildren. But still, it is probably best not to go against the DiL. Maybe just don’t tell her next time what your plans are?

National Trust - Birmingham Back to Backs share.google/pnoHt3BMiBlhj8WY3

As previously said the Birmingham Back to Backs are a National Trust property.
I've not been but they have good reviews.

Well I was very lucky as my children always left it to me to do what entertaining I wanted with the grandkids They totally trusted me, I supposed they remembered how I d brought them up and were happy with it
I think for an 8 year old to see where her Nan was brought up and hear some stories would be very interesting. However I don’t know anything about the practicalities, as I d never heard of the ‘back to back’ houses …I did show a couple of my grandkids when they were about this age, the tiny house my Dad and his five siblings (their great grandad) grew up in and the scary tunnel passageway he had to run though to get home. They were very interested.
I think it’s a bit of a insult to be happy for you to do the babysitting Blossom but not trust you to look after her, your way

eddiecat78

Cossy there is a street of back to back houses in Birmingham that have been preserved and managed by the National Trust. With respect I doubt you live in a traditional back-to-back. They were insanitory slum housing and very few exist

Thank you so much for explaining.

No I live in an Edwardian terrace, but our gardens do back onto the gardens of our neighbours both sides and in the street next to ours.

Not sure an 8 year old would be interested in looking at back to back houses !!?
I grew up in West Yorkshire so very familiar with back to back houses, feel sure my 8 year old GC would not be remotely interested in them!!?

My dd provided us with sheets of typed instructions which had to be followed.

I think mum should have as many of the "firsts" as is possible.
I don't think that's all so very odd. And of course she may be overwhelmed if she hasn't spent much time in the city.

If the other grandmother drove to the Sealife Centre I think that's very different to public transport - especially if she hasn't been on a train. She is only eight - I'm sure you can show her the back-to-backs in a couple of years - and she may be more interested by then too.

Please enjoy the time you have with her. Don't compare this family (and what they want you to do/ not do with your granddaughter) to your other son's family.
I don't think that's helpful at all.

Hope you have fun baking/crafting or whatever you and she decide to do.

As others have said, you have to be guided by her mum, even if it goes against the grain with you.

Just an aside, I spent the first 4 years of my life in a back-to-back in Glossop, Derbyshire. There were 17 houses, all one room down and one room up, and just a front door. The downstairs room worked as a living room, kitchen and bathroom (in the tin bath, once a week, and we had gsunders in the one bedroom. There were two loos at the end of the row, there was always a cat with new kittens in one or the other, it had a wooden seat with a hole in it which is where you did your business and it went down into the river below, No electricity, gas lamps and a gas geyser. I can see it now. No garden so I played outside the only door. My grandparents lived in the end one which had TWO bedrooms, we though it was a palace! I was happy as Larry there. When we moved to our next house (a 2-up, 2-down with a bathroom and one electric socket, my mother was made up! Both parents lived there till they passed away in their 70s and 80s. Oh, and it had a garden back and front!

I think the first thing you will have to do is to stop making comparisons with the other grandma and with your son. I honestly do not think that is helping you and is just fuelling resentment. It is what it is.

The other grandma for two of my GC does all sorts of things with them that I know would worry my DD if I were to do them - I am not as fit. I just accept it and am glad that the GC get the chance to do these tings and also the other grandma has the pleasure of them.

I make sure that what I do with them is special in its own way.

midgey

Make plans but don’t tell her? Or is that dishonest?

That's a sure fire way to never get any time alone with a grandchild in future.