Social services

I'm sorry about the hard position you are in. SS get a very bad press and you'll never read of all the families they support and the help they give. Their primary focus is the welfare of the child and the child's best interests - they will get involved in your situation once they are aware of it and there would be no court proceedings without their input. You really need some advice - start with Citizens Advice. But also try MN - there are many posters on there who have legal knowledge and are willing to help. Just join and start a thread

Thank you Maryeliza, what's MN? I've spoken to grandparent plus, FRG and NSPCC advice line. Technically it should be a clear cut case but there's always that exceptions (the ones you read about!) I guess I wanted to hear any positives from people who have dealt with them. X

Mumsnet. I'm glad you've been in contact with those organisations and they have reassured you to some extent. I haven't had direct dealings with SS myself but do work a lot with social workers specialising in Children and Families and I'm really impressed with how hard they work and how much they care. The dreadful cases that hit the headlines are often very complex and also very very misreported. Good luck with what you are doing to care for you gd.

Thank you Maryeliza, I guess myself and my husband feel a bit lost at the moment on where we go from here. X

In general, SS will seek for family carers for a child whose parents are not in a position to care for them. I think you would find that they are very much on your side and wanting to provide you with support; unless there is any sound reason in your past histories why you should not care for your DGD.

Speak to CAB and get some reassurance.

Good luck with this task.

Thank you Luckygirl, I'm probably worrying unnecessarily as there is nothing dubious in mine or husbands pasts, gd has always lived here, I gave up my career 2 years ago to look after her full time and obviously we both worship the ground she walks on! lol x

Flunkiel. My daughter works for SS in child protection and as Luckygirl has said family members would always be considered before fostering with strangers. I am sure everything will be fine. It must be very worrying for you but good luck for your future with your grand-daughter.

SS look solely at risk to the child - if being with you meant there was a risk to your granddaughter (maybe from her mother or her mother's partner) then they may want to be reassured about that - but otherwise I am sure they would be delighted to know your gd was safe and well cared for.

SS work on evidence - so if you can start gathering evidence of the care you provide and his you protect your gd (maybe from her own mother unfortunately) then that will make it easier for them to be able to recommend you as a carer. A diary would do as evidence - or any discussions with school/nurseries (maybe by email).

I have had a lot of contact with SS over the years (severely
Disabled child), and have found that dealing with them is really all about assessment/recognition of risk and evidence. I have found them helpful on the whole and a few of the Social workers have been brilliant (others not
So much but hey ho)

The only evidence I have is the contact log I have kept since she left, everything else before that would be my word against hers and the way my gd is with me compared to her mum.

Is there no chance of your granddaughter being reunited with her mom and maybe does your daughter needs support from social services to make that happen.

Momof3, my daughter chose to leave. I think she was too young when she had her and sadly never bonded, by her own admission. My husband and I have supported her through her pregnancy right up till now. We hoped the bond would come over time but it's just not there. She loves her like a sister but doesn't seem to like all the practical side that goes with being a parent. She has asked me numerous times over the years to adopt my gd but I always talked her round (or so I thought) as I thought she was just struggling to adjust to parenthood but any chance she got she would just take off for a few hours on a daily basis in the beginning then declared she was leaving 3 months ago.

Ok I don't mean any disrespect or to sound disrespectful is there any chance that you and your husband took over and maybe your daughter never really had the chance to bond with her daughter and this does
require you to be brutally honest with
yourself and maybe had postnatal depression.

I say this because professionally I have come into contact with teenage mothers and it is not unusual for the grandmother to answer for her daughter.

If there is no sign of abuse or addiction from your daughter I think social services with hopefully the mental health team will try and repair the parental bond with every goodwill in the world you are the grandparent and not the parent. When the child is a teenager the consequences of the broken bond could be very difficult.

Monof3, no that's fine. I was working full time on shift work when my gd came along, daughter would have her mates round all day. My daughter wanted a career so I looked after my gd when my daughter was at work on my days off. My husband and I started out with a hands off approach in the beginning but when my gd's needs weren't being met we had to step in. I can support my daughter to be a parent but sadly I can't make her WANT to be one, even since she's been gone I can't even get her round here to put her daughter to bed. Trust me I would love to be the fun grandparent!

If dd would like you to adopt gd, please start looking into that now. She would have to give up her parental rights - she probably would - or they would have to be terminated. Same with the dad's. And it may take time and money though not as much if no one is fighting you. But once it was done, you and dh would be the parents, and you wouldn't have to worry about dd, suddenly, wanting her back. Just my thoughts.

Starlady, gd's dad is not on the scene (hasn't been since gd was 2 months old) no idea where he is, csa couldn't find him as he works for a fairground company travelling up and down the country and gets paid cash in hand so not registered anywhere, again I don't know how that works if we can't find him to get his permission on anything if it goes to court?

Flunkiel you don’t say whereabouts you live but if it’s in England or Wales the following advice may be helpful. I think the best course of action in your case would be an application for a Special Guardianship Order. This order is midway between what used to be called a Residence Order (now a Child Arrangements Order) and adoption, and is seen as a more appropriate order for grandparents and other relatives. Your daughter would retain pr but you would gain pr and would have the the right to make all day to day decisions throughout your granddaughter’s childhood, even if your daughter disagrees with you. Your granddaughter cannot be removed from your care by your daughter or anyone else while the Order is in force (other than for reasons of child protection).

You need to inform Children’s Services of your intention to apply for an SGO and they will advise you how to make the application. I suggest you contact the fostering and adoption service of your local authority - some have specialist SGO teams, some don’t.

This advice relates only to England and Wales. Scotland of course has its own legislation and if you live elsewhere in the world you will need to seek advice from child care services there. I hope it all works out for you. It sounds very straightforward if your daughter is in agreement and I can assure you Children’s Services will not be looking to remove your gd from your care.

Thank you Nightowl for your advice. I live in England. Sadly we don't know anyone who has been in this position before to advise us so we're trying to figure this out on our own, hence asking on here.

A difficult situation flunkiel but you have had good advice.
Please be assured that social services do not willingly remove children unless there is good reason and always prefer(red) for children to remain with family. Both for reasons of stability and quite frankly financial because it does cost huge amounts to keep a child in care, and it is well known that future outcome for children in care is often poor. When working i was involved with a number of such cases.

Hi Flunkiel - I fortunately or unfortunately have plenty of experience with this lol

My Grandson with Autism has been living with me for nearly 2.5 years now and my advice to you would be to get social services on board as they may be able to support you with getting guardianship

They are paying for some of my solicitor fees and supporting my application for guardianship and it is so good to have them on board right now fighting little man's corner with me!

I would seriously advise you to get things moving with them ASAP as even though your daughter is showing no interest right now things can change ( believe me ) eg she could meet someone and then want to be a little family , am not saying that would definitely happen but it CAN so to ensure little ones future security I would get in touch with SS straight away

I have had approx 9 social workers so far lol ( my case has dragged on for numerous reasons ) and I can honestly say only one of them has been bad but she was really bad lol the rest have been an absolute pleasure to work with and I have actually got pretty fond of a few of them who had to leave , they are involved in your life and family to a great degree but that is not a bad thing as they see you as you really are over time and so can support your case

If you feel you have given your daughter every chance possible now to bond with and be a good Mum to her daughter then it is indeed time to go for guardianship

PART of my reasons for delaying it was to give my daughter every chance to get well ( mental health and addictions etc ) first and on this her pretty much last chance she is blowing it by being devious and lying and tbh pretending to be well when she is not so I have no choice but to fight for little man now

Good luck and it sounds like you are doing your daughter a favour and she will possibly be very grateful to you and it won't affect or destroy your bond like it is doing with my daughter right now

Yours should be a simple case tbh and hat's off to your daughter for being honest at least , if she cannot cope then it is obvious lo is much better of with you and like others have said they do like to keep the child with family if possible so they will be one your side

I honestly do not feel you will have any problems x

We had a mix of good and bad SWs and, thank God, a sensible, down-to-earth head of SSD who didn't much care for some of her employees, especially when one decided, without permission, to place DS (then aged 8) in the Guardian advertising him for adoption. She overruled him, placed DS with MIL and he eventually came home to us when he was 17. He's now 34 and the damage has been irrevocable - DS is still a mess, feels he doesn't know us very well and we have all decided we're friends rather than parents/child. But I'm sorry for good SWs -they're damned if they do or if they don't. Be prepared to fight for GD if necessary, but I think you'll find that they and, if necessary, the courts will be only too pleased to accept the status quo. Good luck.

As a recently retired social worker my heart has been gladdened by all the positive comments about my former profession on this page. They reflect my experience and I wish the media would recognise that, when they jump on the bandwagon to demonise and scapegoat my former colleagues, they do not just cause people like Flunkiel unnecessary worry but actually put adults and children at risk who could be helped. The British Association for Social Workers has recently launched a campaign to improve the image of the profession, which I fear is at least 10 years overdue. I loved my job and felt privileged to have been able to help many of the people I saw to make a difference to their often heartbreaking situation. It is far more difficult to do this now that resources are virtually non existent and the media continue to promulgate fear, suspicion and contempt of the profession. However, far and away the vast majority of social workers continue to do their very best to help people in challenging circumstances. My son has just entered the profession so, reading this page has reassured me that contact with social services can (usually) still be a positive experience for all concerned.

I know a family in which Mum wasn't caring for the children properly and the social services gave custody of the children to her parents, the children's grandparents. Hope it works out for you. x

I have friends who were in a similar situation, get a solicitor and sort out what it is you want. It may take time and some money but it will be worth every penny.

Why do you need to tell anyone about the situation at present. I would suggest a waiting game and carry on as normal. In any event I'm sure that SS if you need to contact them would look favourably on your caring for your DG