cookery 'flops'

Lots and lots of raspberries/strawberries/any fruit and cream on the top?

As maw said, top it generously with fruit or pipe dream onto it. I bet it will taste delicious though.

Cream of course, not dream.

I made Mary Berry's cheats lemon meringue pie last week, and it was so easy. Very sweet and moreish. I was amazed at how it thickened when you put in the lemon juice.

We don't mind what it looks like as long as it tastes good and you share it with all of us
with cream and lots of fruit please!

I am allowed a virtual piece on my diet

Mr P's attempt at a Delia fish cake recipe will never be forgotten.

But perhaps foremost in my mind is coming home to a delicious smelling curry, putting something in the bin and spotting an empty jar of Madras curry paste not sauce!

Not wanting to appear ungrateful to Mr P for preparing supper, I did gently mention that he appeared to have used paste (recommended amount, 1/3 of a jar) rather than sauce.

He said that he was sure it would be fine, providing he added an extra tin of tomatoes.

It wasn't

Oh,and the first time he ever cooked for me, at my place.

When I got in, every pan I possessed was on the hob, filled with chilli. There was enough to contribute to a harvest supper.

At the time I had no freezer

Newly married, I had been having great success baking bread so decided to show off when MIL and FIL were going to visit. Something went wrong and the loaf was totally solid. We lived in a flat at the time with a large communal bin that you had to climb up several steps to empty. The bang the loaf made when I threw it in was impressive.

My sister tried to make yorkshire pud with just egg yolks !!

I consider myself to be a good cook. I cook all the time, every day, for the past about 35 years, still things do go wrong from time to time. Usually it is if I do not have the patience to simmer slowly, whisk until stiff, take out of fridge two hours beforehand, this sort of thing. She, who is without sin among us, let her throw the stones.

Indeed

my 7 year old gd and I made a black forest gateau on Sunday ,it looked lovely smothered in whipped cream and chocolate and topped with cherries ,sadly we didn't let the sponge get cold enough before we decorated it and it collapsed spectacularly all over the kitchen worktop.We scaped it up and put it in a container ,half was turned into black forest trifle and the rest my OH ate from the box with a spoon .

"Cookery flops". Every day trisha, every day

Once every 3 months or so I help to cater for 24 people who attend a daylong meeting to discuss a local issue with Network Rail, local county councillors and officials, district councillors and officials, together with local residents. A friend makes enough sandwiches to feed an army and I make at least 6 cakes. On the day I serve all the food and make tea and coffee and tidy up.

As I was trying to make a selection of cakes I tried a new recipe - Delia's lemon drizzle. The cake baked beautifully and I poked holes in the top to pour the sugared lemon juice into the sponge - and the cake just went flat!!! Too late to make another so I cut it up and apologised to everyone who took a piece. But one man said that was the best lemon cake he had ever tasted!

good stories! that's how we learn to make the best of it.
The upside down cheesecake is holding its shape but it's like a wobbly blancmange - I blame the recipe. Tastes good though. As someone suggested I think I'll cover it with fruit and cream.
I wish you could all come round and share it!

I am expecting some spectacular cake failures on the new series of Great British Bake Off if the contestants follow Prue Leith's advice to cut down on the fat, sugar, cream etc in cakes! I found her suggestions very odd!

Just the day before yesterday - cooking a buffet for 11 and decided to add salmon to the things already planned and shopped for. Two salmon fillets in fridge, so to make them go further I planned a mousse. Never made this before so looked online, found a simple recipe which needed soft cheese, lemon juice and smoked salmon pieces.

Nipped down to the small supermarket, found a lemon and a small pack of smoked salmon to add to the poached fresh fillets. No soft cheese except mascarpone. Put mascarpone and lemon juice into the blender with a tablespoon of single cream - it was too stiff to blend so I had to add more and more cream. eventually ended up with a surprisingly large quantity of blended cheese/cream/ lemon.

Chopped up poached and smoked salmon, turned to add it to cheese mix - it had split and looked horrible. Mixed it all together anyway, put it into a mould and chilled it.

Served it yesterday with the other stuff. It looked peculiar and there was more mascarpone than salmon, but tasted divine.

I made a courgette cake and the recipe for the icing was cream cheese (Philly), icing sugar and lime juice.
It seemed rather sloppy but I hoped it would stiffen up if I put it in the fridge. Unfortunately it just slid off the cake and pooled around on the plate.

I found the next time that the solution was to whisk the icing sugar with some butter first (the recipe didn't state that though).

When newly married, my first attempts at gravy were laughable. You could cut it with a knife! My mother never taught me how to make gravy, it was always my sister's job.

Made a marble cake for then boyfriend and I thought cornflour would do instead of baking powder as it looked the same. It was a very pretty three coloured brick!

Do you remember Tony Hancock's comment, hilda? "I thought my mother was a bad cook, but at least her gravy moved about a bit".

I once made watercress soup with mustard and cress, for guests, and pickled beetroot without cooking it first.

I made cheesecake and forgot the eggs. It split into small pieces when cut. I was so embarrassed.

I remember making a sponge flan in Domestic Science - we all had the same ingredients but I must have done something wrong as, when we all took our flan tins out of the ovens, I was the only one who had just a ring of sponge with no bottom! I turned it out on to the plate and piled the fruits into the centre then piped whipped cream around the top of the sponge ring and added glace cherries and little green angelica leaves on top of the cream. To my surprise I got a house point from the teacher for my efforts (and the sponge ring was really light and fluffy to eat too)

hildajenni my first attempt at gravy as a newly wed ended up as watery liquid with lumps floating in it.
I never had any cookery lessons at school although I had helped DM in the kitchen a lot but obviously she had never trusted me with the gravy.

Husband used to make wine from a kit, years ago. The bottle cleaner was kept in a wine bottle, like the wine itself. We had friends coming to supper and I was a newish cook and wanted to impress. I had four nice large pork chops and decided to cook them in wine, so I put a generous amount in from the bottle....