Friends without Children/Grandchildr en

I wouldn’t talk about my children or grandchildren to someone who is childless. All the more so if they are unintentionally childless. Of course you don’t have as much free time as your friend, but obviously she carries a deep sadness at not having children and to talk about yours is insensitive. Try to avoid the subject unless she raises it. I’m afraid some grandparents talk of little other than their grandchildren - at best it’s boring, at worst hurtful,

I agree, try to avoid the subject. Talk about other people's grandchildren is boring enough for people who have got their own. For people who would have liked their own it is both boring and hurtful.

Make time for your friend. If she is a true friend then she already understands the responsibilities you have to your family - she is just being honest in explaining how she hurts inside.
When you are able to spend time with her it is good to step outside the "family thing" and find other interests and pastimes to enjoy together.

Your grandchildren will grow up and go their own way, or their family may move away, good friends are valuable and worth making an effort for.

I’m with GSM on this . I have AC but no GC yet . My DS is gay with a partner so who knows if they’ll adopt and my DD is busy with her career.
I do find that my friends with GC do talk about them loads which I find interesting initially but then I get bored , especially when the photos come out . I also find that some grans live through their children and grandchildren, they don’t seem to have a life of their own.
And I would never bang on about my ac to someone who is childless , especially if it’s not by choice .
I would suggest find time for both your friend and GC and when in your friends company keep the topic of children short . Good friends are as valuable as family. I love spending time with my friends especially the ones that really get you.

One of my friends is childless, too, and we manage plenty of time together talking about things other than my children and grandchildren. I am aware of how uninteresting people may well find my family. Some of my friendship group talk endlessly about theirs, complete with lots of pictures. I agree with GSM and Tenko.

We are unintentionally childless (our son died in infancy) but we have nephews and nieces to make much of though less so now they are working or at university. Two or three of them keep up the relationship. Not having children tends to exclude one from friendship opportunities so we make an effort through U3A and other groups. The state of social care worries us a bit as those without children may be much less supported in very old age.

Chocolatelovinggran It's worse that the 'competitive' holiday snaps

Good friends are precious.
You are sort of lucky she still very much wants to be friends. I would make a bit more time for her, if you can.

Good replies on here.

I have had childless friends and I know others who haven't had or are unlikely to have GCs. One said it's like a little bag of sadness she carries with her.
They do ask about my ACs and GCs but I keep it to a minimum and don't bring out the photos.
You have a good friend who has her own feelings of loss for a family she hasn't had and you are clearly an important part of her life so try to make some time for her with no ACs or GCs being mentioned. You may need her one day.

Surely after all this time you must have other interests in common to talk about.. if only shared memories. I very rarely talk about family with friends we do activities together..

We are people, not just a role -mother's, grandmothers, etc

It is easy to get wrapped up on the same subject and interest all the time, but expanding your horizons and including your friend are great suggestions

I try only to swap phone photos in a fair trade way. If they want to show me their DGC, then I feel able to show mine. 😄

I try not to talk a lot about them but probably do because I am so proud of them 😁

Seriously though some good points on here.

I also think my DC like that I have my own circle of friends and am not reliant on them to meet all my needs.

It’s when the photos come out 😫- I do talk about my children and grandchildren, but very rarely to my childless friend, who tried everything, even went to America, to explore treatments there. To be fair, she does ask about my children and grandchildren but I limit the conversation about them.

Really good friends are a treasure worth indulging. Could she perhaps come with you when you are childminding now and again? I don't mean on a regular basis, of course, very occasionally? Whilst I usually have a reasonably up to date photo of my GC in my handbag, I would NEVER produce it unless someone asked. I get somewhat cheesed off by some acquaintances whizzing through their mobiles to show me the latest GC success but, of course, I remain polite. I'm
rather impressed by the way your friend has been so candid with you. That's sincere and takes courage in my opinion. Of course, if this is not a mutual relationship, then that's different. I feel the ball is now in your court. I have a best friend and she's pretty much up there in importance with my GC. Good luck

Everyone is different. We have friends who have no GC but they love to see photos of our GC and hear about their achievements. We try not to talk about our GC too often to anyone and remember a big cousins’s dinner when our first GD was brand new and we were the only people present with GC. In fact, most had no children. They had to force me to show a baby picture.

I only have one friend without children, and I don’t think she minds if I talk about mine if I keep it short. She used to be a teacher, so has plenty of views about children!

It seems I‘m a bit unusual because I love hearing about other people’s children and grandchildren. I don’t find it boring at all. I even like photos - though I must admit my heart sank when a friend’s daughter, who had a young child, brought out a fat album saying “This is Nicola’s first six months”.

I have a friend and we talk about our Grandchildren and I enjoy it. I also have a friend who is not a Gran yet and we talk about other things, horses for courses.

I am going to sound a hard horrible woman, but I simply do not understand how people become so obsessed with their grand children and spend so much time obsessing about them.

I can understand the early years when grandparent help with child care is essential but children grow and need less nurturing. And if you spend a lot of time with them, why do you need to constantly think and obsess about them when you ae not with them?

Admittedly I live 200 miles from my grandchildren, so childcare was out of the question, but I was in my car and off to them when emergencies arose. My associate grandmother lives close by and she did give help in the early years, but always had her own life, own interests, friends she met up with.

Our grandchildren are part of her life, as they are part of mine, but in each case we have kept up independent lives, not shed our other friends and have lots of intersting things we can talk about, rather than droning on for ever about our grandchildren, wonderful though they are.

One of my friends has no grandchildren so I never bring up the subject of mine but she will always ask me about them and not just in a cursory way. She shows a real interest and is quite inquisitive.
I have no brothers or sisters but I enjoy hearing about other people’s. Is that the same thing?

I also think it is important to make time for your friend and to avoid subjects that might be painful...

Surely a friendship works both ways, I don't see why you shouldn't talk about your family.

There’s nothing more tedious than someone harping on about their DC or DGC. Surely you have other things to talk about? I find child free people tend to have a more broad range of interests and hobbies and are much more interesting to be with.

I would value her honesty, and make sure to include her when you can, and try to limit GC conversations. Another train of thought is to include her in an outing with grandchildren. You say she is childless by choice; maybe she craves a little closeness with young ones.

A friend of mine has had her GC move to another country, and she is sorely missing them. I don't overly talk about my GC unless she asks about them. But my GC know her, and love going to her house at Easter and Halloween. She goes out of her way to make the day special for friends and neighbour's children.

Another group of friends meet for coffee on Saturdays; two of us have GC, one does not. We find all manners of things to talk about!