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Can I take much more?

(45 Posts)
Newatthis Fri 25-Jan-19 11:54:32

Just before Christmas my husband was diagnosed with a serious and worrying heart condition and is waiting to see a consultant, Dec 28th my 90 year old mother-in-law had a massive stroke and is very ill. She lives 7 hours away from us so it is very difficult to see her, my brother in law died of pancreatic cancer last week after being diagnosed 3 months ago and I, at the weekend had a series of life threatening asthma attacks (wasn't asthmatic!) which has been brought on by a pulmonary embolism I didn't know I had. Not sure if I can take much else! We were just floating on happily before all this.

Telly Fri 25-Jan-19 12:13:30

That's an awful lot to take on in one go. So sorry to hear that you are having to deal with so much. One thing at a time, and look at the positives. Your husband is going to have treatment and hopefully there is some care in place for your mother in law, so really there is not a lot you can do at the moment except keep in touch. Hopefully things will settle down, at least a bit, now. Make sure that you look after yourself too. Perhaps there are friends who you could talk to at this difficult time? Best wishes

BlueBelle Fri 25-Jan-19 12:41:44

So sorry to hear of all your problems why do they all come along at the same time
I think you have to take them one by one
So sad to hear of your brother in laws death but there is nothing you can do for him now Your mother in law is a great age but you live a long way away and although will still worry you must accept that hopefully others are looking after her there is little you can do from such a distance
Hopefully both yourself and your husband are undergoing treatment now it was obviously a huge shock as you didn’t know you had an emulsion but what a blessing (in a perverse way) that you had those attacks or you may not have known and not had treatment otherwise
Try not to get pulled under by these multiple nasty happenings and Good luck to you both

Nonnie Fri 25-Jan-19 12:57:40

Life is a bitch! They come not singly but in battalions. Both these demonstrate that this sort of thing happens. Rotten isn't it? Wish I had some comfort but all I can suggest is this is one of those times when you simply have to live in the moment and just keep on keeping on. You won't cope if you keep thinking about what might happen.

KatyK Fri 25-Jan-19 13:11:00

Horrible when awful thing happen all at once. All I can say is we don't know how strong we can be until we have no choice flowers

Luckygirl Fri 25-Jan-19 13:32:56

flowers - you really are beset with problems.

Anniebach Fri 25-Jan-19 13:38:25

I am so sorry, much distress in a very short time x

nanaK54 Fri 25-Jan-19 14:00:30

Sending kind thoughts flowers

Twin2 Fri 25-Jan-19 14:13:32

As above posts you have taken a lot over the last few months and I agree with BlueBell Take care and best wishes.

Elrel Fri 25-Jan-19 14:27:37

So sorry all this is happening in your family. I think Nonnie's advice to live in the moment is wise. We can neither change the past nor foresee the future. Thinking of you.

EllanVannin Fri 25-Jan-19 14:29:48

A lot to deal with in one go, but as someone has already said that it's important that you look after your own health in preparation to attend to the family.
Firstly your MiL will be looked after in hospital and right now you're only a telephone call away should anything happen.
Secondly quite a lot of heart conditions can be kept under control with either ops. or medication. If your H's condition had been worrying he'd have been hospitalised so cross that bridge after he's seen the consultant and try not to worry too much for the time being.

Lastly, your own diagnosis of a pulmonary embolism would have been serious enough for you to have been admitted ?as it's a blockage and is life-threatening. Were you admitted to hospital ?

sodapop Fri 25-Jan-19 17:54:24

That's a lot of problems all at once newatthis I agree with BlueBelle deal with the things you can and don't stress about the rest.
I hope things improve for you soon,thanks

Mapleleaf Fri 25-Jan-19 18:00:41

That is a lot to have happened in a short space of time. As others say, though, you must take one day at a time, and ensure that you look after yourself, too. It is worrying about your MiL and your DH, but you need to try not to focus on what ifs - a lot easier said than done, I know. On the plus side, you are both now under the watchful eye of your doctors, and your MiL will be receiving care where she is.
I'm sorry, too, to hear of the loss of your BiL.
Are there other family members nearby both to you and your MiL to offer support?
Keep posting here, too, if it helps.
Sending hugs and flowers.

megan123 Fri 25-Jan-19 18:40:49

Hello newatthis, I am so sorry to hear about all that has happened. You have had so much in so short a time and it must be overwhelming.

You need to look after yourself and realise that despite how you feel, and we all do, there is only so much you can do at any one time.

You have lost your dear brother, are grieving and that is very, very sad. Your mother is ill, you should make sure you have care going in there so that that worry is alleviated for you.

You and your husband need care and attention and you need to look after yourself so that you are able to do what you can.

I hope things ease for you, take good care flowers

BradfordLass72 Fri 25-Jan-19 19:31:14

Oh my goodness, poor you and what a contrast to the formerly happy existence.
You say you can't take much more but you will you know, we all do. Just take it day by day. Your previous happiness will have strengthened you to carry on.

Eventually you'll see that your family members are all in places where excellent care is available and life will begin to look a little better.

You posted in January but your husband's appointment was in December - how did that go? Please let us know. thanks

Gottalovethem Sat 26-Jan-19 09:08:28

Sending love and strength to you, this all sounds absolutely awful flowers flowers

Susan56 Sat 26-Jan-19 09:11:37

I am so sorry for all you are having to deal with.Sending you warm thoughts.?

Saggi Sat 26-Jan-19 09:13:06

Makes my two month long cold/chest infection sound trivial. I will now stop moaning. Best wishes to you and your beleaguered family. Take some deep breaths and have a good cry.

Hm999 Sat 26-Jan-19 09:16:54

Oh dear Newatthis, any 2 of all those things would stress me beyond words. Hope you are coping, and hope others in the family are aware of what is on your plate.

GabriellaG54 Sat 26-Jan-19 09:25:24

Newatthis
I'm sorry that the year has started off so troubling but try to look at it this way.
Your DH was diagnosed before Christmas and has yet to see a consultant. That tells you that it cannot be uber urgent or else he'smd be in hospital.
Your mother is at home therefore must be recovered enough to be there and I'm sure care, if needed, is in place.
Your DB? Yes, that must have been a big blow, especially on top of a poor start to the year but please, take some time for yourself. You'll be no good to anyone if you fail to take care of your own health.
If you have worries about your DM, get in touch with your health centre and see what they can advise or organise. Help in the house or shopping may be the remit of adult social services (libraries can put you in touch via phone)
Meanwhile, keep housework to a minimum and take some time to relax.brew
Best wishes you you all flowers

Patticake123 Sat 26-Jan-19 09:27:50

So sad to read of the horrendous times you are experiencing. I do hope everything works out for you all. ?

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sat 26-Jan-19 09:38:46

This is awful for you newatthis - troubles often come in a worrying bundle like this, I'm afraid. You may prefer to 'row your own boat' as it were but have you considered emotional support from many of our organisations? I hope your GP can refer you.
When my late DH was diagnosed with motor neurone disease it felt like our world had caved in, we were devastated but with the help of the MNDA and the local hospice we coped a bit better. There was no magic wand but knowing we had a shoulder to cry on helped a great deal. Somehow we had to find qualities which we didn't know we had. Don't be too independent - help is there but you often have to ask. My best wishes to you both.

Minerva Sat 26-Jan-19 09:48:48

I hope the embolism is sorted out and your DH gets his appointment soon. Then you may feel strong enough to make the journey to visit MIL. I am sorry you have your brother in law’s funeral to cope with too. Life isn’t fair as we all know.
Wishing you all the best ?

4allweknow Sat 26-Jan-19 09:56:14

You wake up one day and feel as if you have been hit by a ton of bricks. All the bricks can though be lifted though one by one. Your BiL has gone, as sad as it is, think what can you do to change this, nothing. Your DM lives so far away, and you must have foreseen that with her age, this could hapoen. Of course you will worry but again, will this change anything. Your DH has recovered and hopefully will receive all necessary medication and treatment. You have had a terrific fright discovering your embolism but it has been discovered and given treatment. Take each element if your situation and think through not what you would like to happen or do but what can and has been done in each one. You and DH are the ones you should be concentrating on.

hulahoop Sat 26-Jan-19 09:58:43

Poor you it's horrible when a lot of things happen within a short time have been there, take care of yourself