black bands.

You are not being unreasonable at all. Don't be afraid to tell people what has happened. You won't be putting a blight on anything. They will just be glad to express their condolences. As I am now. Christmas peace to you.

And yes, the black arm bands did have their uses.

I think the black bands are an excellent idea..

I lost my husband recently and have no problem saying no to events I don’t want to attend. You don’t need to put on a happy face and there’s nothing wrong with showing your emotions to people who enquire how you are. When I am asked I just say simply I’m doing ok and thanks for asking not going into details. Because if I start talking about I’m likely to be overcome so just keep it simple but don’t be afraid for people to see you are very sad.

I still bump into people who ask how my daughter is.
On a packed full bus one morning, for example.
Its embarrassing for the person who asked (who started to cry) and for me.
I didn't want to even say the words, but what can you do if you're asked.

Perhaps someone brave should start the custom back again

I think there was much to be said for Victorian mourning customs and indeed those of other cultures.
If nothing else, wearing mourning was like carrying a white stick, a visual hint to the rest of the world to treat one gently and to save the embarrassment of the “wrong” question.
Similarly, the custom of not doing anything in the way of making changes in your life for a year, getting all the “firsts” behind you, Christmas, Easter, birthdays, mothers’ or fathers’ day, wedding anniversary etc and only then (if you wanted) looking to orplanning for the future.
I know everybody is different but it would have suited me.