Funerals

I don't know about the benefits or otherwise of prepaying for funerals but there is no guarantee that there would be any money left if your friends had to pay for care.

I've planned everything - music, slideshow, a little "farewell speech" from me to them. But I haven't paid for it in advance. I paid for my parent's funerals out of their estates and I guess my children will do the same.

I don't like the "pay in advance" for funerals. I have already put the money into an account in one of my son's names and he knows this is for my funeral when the time comes. (I trust him completely not to spend it on anything else!). That way if I have to spend a lot on care fees then this money is safe.

I've told the family I want to be cremated and don't want any fuss, but whatever they do is totally up to them. The money will, I am sure be enough, even in ten years time (and I don't intend going before then), and if they want to do it on the cheap and save some then I will be delighted.

My mum has arranged her whole funeral, she has even wrote her own eulogy ( I've told her will be rewritten after she's gone). She has even told us where to have her wake. Everything is paid for and money somewhere safe for wake.
Funny story of when she was booking this, she asked the funeral director how many does the car hold he said 7. She said that's good my 3 children and partners can sit in the back and I can sit by the driver. Dealthly silence until I informed her she would have her own car. No she said don't waste money on a 2nd car I don't mind squeezing in. Again I had to explain that she would be in the coffin in the front car. Oh she said I hadn't thought of that. I'm sure the FD thought she had lost the plot especially when she asked if the ashes of her late pets could also go in the coffin. No mention of my late fathers ashes.

nanawind that is so funny.?
My mil had a funeral plan all paid in advance..We still had to go through all the rigmarole at funeral directors and they tried to wriggle more money out of us by saying this that and the other was not included and We remembered it was .We asked for the policy (which they took from us at first meeting about her funeral)
so we could prove it....they also said certain things were at current prices and not the prices when the policy was set up but I can't remember those details now but we argued that one and they said they would let us have things at prices stated on policy as a goodwill gesture. Mil set up the policy about 20+ years before she died aged 97 and I think they rely more on policies being "used" just a few years after they are purchased. Then just 2days before her funeral they were questioning if there was room in the family grave for her or not and asked us to pay for it to be dug up to check when It was going to be dug up to bury her so in effect being paid for twice. They said they were not certain on space and yet they had all the information on their files of who was in the plot and if It was remains of full coffin but we had to find all the very old cemetery paperwork to prove It ,luckily mil had been a hoarder so still had It all.
She passed away in January and buried in March so they had plenty of time to find out this but left It to 2days before her funeral.

It was a nightmare and I will never set up a funeral plan myself.

You don’t have to have a funeral. You can just have a cremation with no fuss. It still costs money, but much less..

That's exactly what I have said is to happen when I pop my clogs Grandma70s, my OH didn't believe you could do it when I first said that's the way things were to happen. I have written it in my will and also on a letter. If I don't see people while I'm alive I don't want them sat in some crem when I've gone on.

judnoneed It’s what I’ve asked for, too. My SIL’s mother died recently and that’s what they did. The ashes were returned to them, but they could have chosen not to have them. There’s nothing to stop people having a meal out to celebrate a life if they want to.

The fact that they own their own homes doesn't mean they have money.

We own our own home but the money we have coming in each month is just about equal to the money going out. None spare for saving.

OH is older than me by some years and I will certainly have to plan and pay for his funeral. Currently I have no idea how I will do so but will have to worry about it when it happens.

Funeral pre-payment plans are just a way to get out money. My husband paid for a pension over 20+ years and didn't even get the money back he'd paid in, so I'm not paying anyone anything, cos look at the stories above, they try to get more out of you. Funeral directors just think we're gullible. I'm going disposal only. On a lighter note when at the funeral directors with mum discussing dads funeral she said very loudly 'I'll have the cheapest please!" they didn't get on!

When my mum knew that she was terminally ill, she insisted on going to the florist to choose the flowers for the coffin,
The look on the florist's face when he realised that it was her own funeral that we were discussing.

Apparently, Grandma70, there is something called "Simple cremation" where the body is taken away straight after death, cremated with no fuss, no family, then the ashes are returned to the family.
That, to me, sounds the easiest and cheapest way to do things. If the family wants a memorial service, a party or whatever, it is up to them to do it when they fancy.
i have told my family that is what i would prefer but, since I would be dead, I don't really have any say. They could do what they wanted...

I've put in my will that I'd like a green burial and no service, but I've told my DDs it's about what they want, not me. They had said I'll get a proper send off!
I've arranged a few funerals and my mum's most recently. For me, the planning of it was my last opportunity to care for her, remember her and to express my love for her. It brought all our close family together as we planned where to bury her (she died in my home and said she'd like to be buried here as she imaged her GGDs putting flowers on her grave). My DD wrote and read the eulogy, which was beautiful. Personally, I would have hated it if it was planned ahead, but others probably think differently.

Jusnoneed. Many thanks. My problem which was causing me headaches is now solved as I was not aware of this . I was dreading having to rely on family who live the other side of the world to deal with my funeral.
My will is with the solicitor and I will now instruct him with what I now learn can be a much strait forward and uncomplicated process.

The cheapest disposal is to leave your body to science, viz. the local teaching hospital, as DM did.

This is what I've planned to do grumppa, I have the paperwork in place, & my family know of my choice. Does it all go smoothly? I dread to think I'll be leaving my family with problems.

Grandmattie I have also seen simply cremation and it seems a great idea. There are two different fees both below £2000 and the cheapest is about £1400. I have put the advert in with my Will and asked whoever to use them. No fuss, no rent a mob, (people who only remeber you when you are gone) and the cheaper the better. Spend any money on a decent meal afterwards.

We have done pre payment funerals with the co-op. We elected for a well known established FD so we felt safer with taking the pre paid option and paying a monthly amount.

There is still plenty to sort and arrange even with pre payment types. Unfortunately we had to use the pre pay plan recently for my husband as he passed unexpectedly.

Even so extras on top which aren't covered still cost an extra £550 with the FD. I know I didn't have to spend the extras however I wanted it perfect for my husband. Then there was the gathering after on top.

The extras were order of service booklets, double urn for my allotted time, flowers, an hour instead of half an hour at the crematorium (that was an extra £100 for half an hour)

Fortunately though my husband plan had just matured going past the allotted time so they had to pay in full and not just give us our premiums we had paid back.

I have just updated my plan as they now have a better deal where I just pay until I am 70 rather than whole of life.

I advise everyone to take out pre payment funerals on a monthly payment plan especially if you don't have spare cash and everything is tied up in insurance or property.

You will find now, as we did, the FD,s want money up front now. In 2010 when my mom passed we were gobsmacked to find out that we had to pay £900 upfront as they have to pay the crematorium medical certs and so on upfront. Mom has her own house and insurance policies so we just presumed as it used to be we would pay out of that when they were sorted as you always used too.

Not anymore! That's because people didn't pat thet bought the new ruling in. We had to borrow the money and pay it back once the estate was sorted.

Pre warning for all: get your funeral on some sort of pre payment plan and/or leave money aside that can he accessrd straightaway for it plus extras as they want the money up front now

My great aunt died recently at 95, fit and active to the end. She had no children and no close family although had lots of nephews and nieces and great nephews and nieces etc. scattered round the country.

She had made the decision to have no funeral service. Money wouldn’t have been a problem. Did she feel no one would come, or would even care? Or perhaps she didn’t want to cause any fuss? I felt that I would have liked to say a formal goodbye to her as I was quite fond of her. Obviously it’s her decision, but I did feel a bit sad about it.

The details of the funerals we want are in our wills, and I assume there will be money in the survivor's estate to cover the last funeral and in our current account for whoever goes first.

My advice is, write down or discuss with family what you want, it does make arranging things easier for whoever has to do it.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about funerals as I have been to three in the past month. I believe that funerals bring together family and friends in a reflective way to honour the deceased. This is very important and means that ‘something good’ comes from each death. Lindajane sums it up so well and actually brought a tear to my eye.....

Keffie you are deff right about the "pay up front" when my dh died I had nothing...the funeral director wanted £1,000 up front (was the same with them all although the others wanted most of the payment there and then.

I had to borrow the £1,000 then when my bereavement allowance came £2,000 that paid off the rest .
I had about £80 left out of the £2,000.

I believe that funerals bring together family and friends in a reflective way to honour the deceased.
I agree vicky I like the way you put that. Not to have a funeral or service of any kind seems sad and wrong to me - and I’m not at all religious.

Slightly off piste but does anyone know what the procedure is for burying ashes in an existing grave in a churchyard? Or does it vary from church to church?