Funerals

I do think funerals are important. They have been so since the Stone Age and probably before.

But as for paying for them with those heavily advertised 'plans', quite unnecessary. My mother's funeral costs came out of her estate and I expect mine will too. The best funeral I went to was a fantastic knees up. That's what I want, even though I won't be there to enjoy it.

My father paid 2 funeral plans in advance for himself and mother with a local FD. Dad died first-hand we went to the FD, didn't even need the policy. The plan covered everything including one car. All we had to pay was the insert in the local paper and family flowers. He had already bought the grave.

Ten years later when mother died we did exactly the same thing, and again the only outlay was family flowers and insert in local paper

When he took out the plans they cost £790 each.
We could arrange everything as we wished via FD. It was all very easy. No-one trying to add 'extras' or get money out of us.

We chose in each case to have refreshments afterwards in a local hotel, sandwiches and biscuits, tea/coffee, at £5 per head approx. Paid out of the estate.

DH and I have bought our grave. Haven't yet taken out a plan which I think is about 3k each.

I'd like all paid in advance as two of my dds live abroad. I've also left word that any offspring living abroad are to be given the cost of travelling out of my estate.

My folks had an insurance policy and OH Mum had money set aside so we were spares any big bills.

We've paid for our funerals with the Co-Op.

OH wasn't keen when I first suggested it as he said the girls will have plenty out of the estate.

I had to point out they would need cash up front as they couldn't get at any of our estate straight away, assuming we haven't used it on care by then.

I also reminded him that our folks hadn't left us to pay for their funerals.

"Ah, yes," he said, hadn't thought about it in those terms. Thankfully it was sorted very quickly.

Both girls know where all our paperwork is and they have paper and electronic copies, OH scanned everything.

We all accept that there most likely will be things to pay that aren't covered but hopefully the big bill is paid.

Like so many folks here we both want a very simple, no fuss, cremation but have said it's up to DD's if they want a "Bit of a Do" after.

Not long after we'd got our plan a friends lost FIL and Mum within a couple of months. Hard time for them. One parent had a plan and the other had money put aside. But our friends still had to top-up both but were very glad they didn't have to find the whole cost as the estates still haven't been sorted out.

OH said after talking to our friends that he was glad we had at least made it easier on the girls.

I'm not sure there is ever a right thing to do even if funds are available.

I shall leave money for my dh or dc if dh dies first, to have me cremated. I know if my dh dies before me he has said he wants a seat in his memory overlooking Sewerby point in East Yorkshire, near to where he grew up as a child. I will have a seat in a park where I played as a child and my dc played in as children too. I want ashes buried with dh's ashes when time comes and a small plack with our names on will do. Personally, I think large and grand funerals are a waste of money. I would not do a funeral prepay.

So many adverts pushing this.

My mum has just died and had a paid for funeral plan through Age UK and a local funeral director. She paid about £2000 for it about 10 years ago- an equivalent funeral would cost £6000 today. It wasn't flash, simple coffin, hearse and 1 limo for family. She was cremated and there were extras to pay for like the minister and organist because we knew she would want a proper service. There is more to pay as well because I have to transfer the deeds of the family grave and then have it opened so her ashes can be interred with my dad's. So almost £800. As far as I can see it's big business. Oh and everywhere seems to have a "bereavement officer" these days from hospital to the council.

Ha ha ! have to laugh ...two people on here have mentioned the same things ! I took myself off to 2 or 3 different Pompes Funeres for a quote for a funeral .....they asked where the corpse was ...Here, I said ...it is for me ! (I was told I had terminal cancer at the time, and wanted it all paid for and sorted ....just place of death to crem ...end of !)....they were quite surprised (oh yes, I was fortunate to be offered a new treatment ...10 years ago and am still here !) but I do have a pre paid funeral policy, with a chosen FD.....if I were in the UK it would be the good old Co op ...as a then single parent, working full time, but still broke, I was so relieved my late father had everything sorted before he died .....it was such a relief to me and my brother, as we would have had no spare money to pay ! Luckily he also had a small amount in the Bank .....banks ae authorised to release the deceased's funds for paying for the funeral .....................I fact I have just done this with my late brother ...I just about had enough to travel to the UK and organise the funeral the solicitor, etc etc ,,,,,luckily he had enough saved so I took the death certificate along to the FD who organised it all , and authorised the Bank, via the Solicitor who is dealing with Probate, to release the funds to pay them ! Being able to organise a funeral for them both without worrying that I had no money was a lovely feeling ......brother never left any wishes so no one had a clue what he would have wanted. I organised a lovely funeral with all his friends and colleagues and a gathering afterwards ....it was really lovely to hear the nice things they said about him and their memories of him ......so yes, if you have enough money to spare, I think a plan is a good idea ......................by the way I also offered my body to medical science .......here you have to write a letter in French (Its online !) stating your wishes, and then you receive a request back for 200 Euros to pay for transport ....THEN if you do not have a perfect body, with no operation scars, infectious diseases (that bit is understandable !) they will let your next of kin know they do not want it ....THEN they will send a bill for the cost of transportation and the next of kin will be responsible for the funeral costs, whether or not they have removed any bits !!!! I said sorry I do not have a perfect body ...anyway, what is the point of a perfect body Surely young trainee doctors would have more of a challenge decided what you died of or what you suffered if your body was not perfect ????

There is a difference between a prepaid funeral and a funeral plan.
The funeral plan where you pay a monthly amount is not worth it IMHO. Where as mum had a pre paid funeral. I went with her to make the arrangements down to the last detail including the route to the crem and she paid in full on the day.
When mum died the care home phoned the FD and they took her to their chapel of rest. Details were confirmed by phone and there was no effort to up the price. Everything was covered except flowers and catering for the wake.

My mother stipulated in her will that she wanted to leave her body to science, but you need to be aware that they don't always accept every body offered to them in that way. Sometimes the medical schools already have enough or may be looking for a certain type of body. Ours didn't have room to take any more at the time - so she had a very basic cremation, no mourners at all apart from me, my husband and my children, no funeral service, no music, nothing. It was all a bit bizarre - but it was what she wanted and at least I had the comfort of knowing I'd gone along with her wishes.

My father was cremated though it was not his wish... circumstances dictated. The following year, family gathered from abroad and we interred his small casket, oak with brass nameplate containing the ashes, in his mother's grave. We had arranged with cemetery staff in advance so a space had been excavated the right shape! We were accompanied to the grave where we gathered. Some readings, a prayer, some flowers and a candle and that was that. The cemetery staff tidied up the plot afterwords. In advance the headstone had been restored and his details added. There was a fee to be paid to the cemetery. Also the ownership of the grave/burial rights passed to the executors and paperwork carried out for same on that day.

Grandma70s, you're so right. My plan is private C and no fuss. Current prices vary from £600-900. Not all Cs do private so it's a good idea to check. People tell me that funeral directors have been lovely, friendly and helpful and I have no doubt that is absolutely true. Bottom line is they are a commercial entity. It has been suggested to me that my friends might want to come and say their farewells. I'd much prefer them to say hellos whilst I'm still around. I want any cash that's left (I feel a joke coming on!) to go entirely to my children.

Pennyh47 Churches normally have a plot set aside for people who want to have their ashes interred within the church yard.
Usually a couple of weeks after the funeral service/cremation the vicar, (although it doesn't have to be him/her) if you prefer a close relative or friend will hold a very short service before the casket holding the ashes is interred in the same way that a full coffin is, just on a smaller scale.
On the occasions that |I have been to an ashes interment they have consisted of a simple prayer and either a few words or a poem was said. The 'Service' lasted about 10 minutes and was held on a Saturday morning which was helpful as any family or friends wishing to attend did not need to book another day off shortly after missing a day at work for the funeral.

On the subject of pre-paid funeral I think it is an excellent idea if someone has the money to do so. Both my parent's and an elderly aunt's funeral were paid for and the service organised by them. I think as a 'Man of The Cloth' my dad probably enjoyed pre-writing what he knew would be his last ever Service.

As grieving relatives knowing everything had been paid for also helped to take some of the stress away at such an emotional yet hectic time when we were not only coming to terms with losing a loved one but trying to organise the funeral arrangements.

I won't be there to see it

I don't want a funeral. I don't want people singing preaching and crying over me. My girls have been informed about this and what they do is up to them but they know my wishes and I out be there to see it.

Slightly off piste but does anyone know what the procedure is for burying ashes in an existing grave in a churchyard? Or does it vary from church to church?

I believe that funerals bring together family and friends in a reflective way to honour the deceased.
I agree vicky I like the way you put that. Not to have a funeral or service of any kind seems sad and wrong to me - and I’m not at all religious.

Keffie you are deff right about the "pay up front" when my dh died I had nothing...the funeral director wanted £1,000 up front (was the same with them all although the others wanted most of the payment there and then.

I had to borrow the £1,000 then when my bereavement allowance came £2,000 that paid off the rest .
I had about £80 left out of the £2,000.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about funerals as I have been to three in the past month. I believe that funerals bring together family and friends in a reflective way to honour the deceased. This is very important and means that ‘something good’ comes from each death. Lindajane sums it up so well and actually brought a tear to my eye.....

The details of the funerals we want are in our wills, and I assume there will be money in the survivor's estate to cover the last funeral and in our current account for whoever goes first.

My advice is, write down or discuss with family what you want, it does make arranging things easier for whoever has to do it.

My great aunt died recently at 95, fit and active to the end. She had no children and no close family although had lots of nephews and nieces and great nephews and nieces etc. scattered round the country.

She had made the decision to have no funeral service. Money wouldn’t have been a problem. Did she feel no one would come, or would even care? Or perhaps she didn’t want to cause any fuss? I felt that I would have liked to say a formal goodbye to her as I was quite fond of her. Obviously it’s her decision, but I did feel a bit sad about it.

We have done pre payment funerals with the co-op. We elected for a well known established FD so we felt safer with taking the pre paid option and paying a monthly amount.

There is still plenty to sort and arrange even with pre payment types. Unfortunately we had to use the pre pay plan recently for my husband as he passed unexpectedly.

Even so extras on top which aren't covered still cost an extra £550 with the FD. I know I didn't have to spend the extras however I wanted it perfect for my husband. Then there was the gathering after on top.

The extras were order of service booklets, double urn for my allotted time, flowers, an hour instead of half an hour at the crematorium (that was an extra £100 for half an hour)

Fortunately though my husband plan had just matured going past the allotted time so they had to pay in full and not just give us our premiums we had paid back.

I have just updated my plan as they now have a better deal where I just pay until I am 70 rather than whole of life.

I advise everyone to take out pre payment funerals on a monthly payment plan especially if you don't have spare cash and everything is tied up in insurance or property.

You will find now, as we did, the FD,s want money up front now. In 2010 when my mom passed we were gobsmacked to find out that we had to pay £900 upfront as they have to pay the crematorium medical certs and so on upfront. Mom has her own house and insurance policies so we just presumed as it used to be we would pay out of that when they were sorted as you always used too.

Not anymore! That's because people didn't pat thet bought the new ruling in. We had to borrow the money and pay it back once the estate was sorted.

Pre warning for all: get your funeral on some sort of pre payment plan and/or leave money aside that can he accessrd straightaway for it plus extras as they want the money up front now

Grandmattie I have also seen simply cremation and it seems a great idea. There are two different fees both below £2000 and the cheapest is about £1400. I have put the advert in with my Will and asked whoever to use them. No fuss, no rent a mob, (people who only remeber you when you are gone) and the cheaper the better. Spend any money on a decent meal afterwards.

This is what I've planned to do grumppa, I have the paperwork in place, & my family know of my choice. Does it all go smoothly? I dread to think I'll be leaving my family with problems.

The cheapest disposal is to leave your body to science, viz. the local teaching hospital, as DM did.

Jusnoneed. Many thanks. My problem which was causing me headaches is now solved as I was not aware of this . I was dreading having to rely on family who live the other side of the world to deal with my funeral.
My will is with the solicitor and I will now instruct him with what I now learn can be a much strait forward and uncomplicated process.