Funerals

I don't want a funeral. I don't want people singing preaching and crying over me. My girls have been informed about this and what they do is up to them but they know my wishes and I out be there to see it.

I won't be there to see it

Pennyh47 Churches normally have a plot set aside for people who want to have their ashes interred within the church yard.
Usually a couple of weeks after the funeral service/cremation the vicar, (although it doesn't have to be him/her) if you prefer a close relative or friend will hold a very short service before the casket holding the ashes is interred in the same way that a full coffin is, just on a smaller scale.
On the occasions that |I have been to an ashes interment they have consisted of a simple prayer and either a few words or a poem was said. The 'Service' lasted about 10 minutes and was held on a Saturday morning which was helpful as any family or friends wishing to attend did not need to book another day off shortly after missing a day at work for the funeral.

On the subject of pre-paid funeral I think it is an excellent idea if someone has the money to do so. Both my parent's and an elderly aunt's funeral were paid for and the service organised by them. I think as a 'Man of The Cloth' my dad probably enjoyed pre-writing what he knew would be his last ever Service.

As grieving relatives knowing everything had been paid for also helped to take some of the stress away at such an emotional yet hectic time when we were not only coming to terms with losing a loved one but trying to organise the funeral arrangements.

Grandma70s, you're so right. My plan is private C and no fuss. Current prices vary from £600-900. Not all Cs do private so it's a good idea to check. People tell me that funeral directors have been lovely, friendly and helpful and I have no doubt that is absolutely true. Bottom line is they are a commercial entity. It has been suggested to me that my friends might want to come and say their farewells. I'd much prefer them to say hellos whilst I'm still around. I want any cash that's left (I feel a joke coming on!) to go entirely to my children.

My father was cremated though it was not his wish... circumstances dictated. The following year, family gathered from abroad and we interred his small casket, oak with brass nameplate containing the ashes, in his mother's grave. We had arranged with cemetery staff in advance so a space had been excavated the right shape! We were accompanied to the grave where we gathered. Some readings, a prayer, some flowers and a candle and that was that. The cemetery staff tidied up the plot afterwords. In advance the headstone had been restored and his details added. There was a fee to be paid to the cemetery. Also the ownership of the grave/burial rights passed to the executors and paperwork carried out for same on that day.

My mother stipulated in her will that she wanted to leave her body to science, but you need to be aware that they don't always accept every body offered to them in that way. Sometimes the medical schools already have enough or may be looking for a certain type of body. Ours didn't have room to take any more at the time - so she had a very basic cremation, no mourners at all apart from me, my husband and my children, no funeral service, no music, nothing. It was all a bit bizarre - but it was what she wanted and at least I had the comfort of knowing I'd gone along with her wishes.

There is a difference between a prepaid funeral and a funeral plan.
The funeral plan where you pay a monthly amount is not worth it IMHO. Where as mum had a pre paid funeral. I went with her to make the arrangements down to the last detail including the route to the crem and she paid in full on the day.
When mum died the care home phoned the FD and they took her to their chapel of rest. Details were confirmed by phone and there was no effort to up the price. Everything was covered except flowers and catering for the wake.

Ha ha ! have to laugh ...two people on here have mentioned the same things ! I took myself off to 2 or 3 different Pompes Funeres for a quote for a funeral .....they asked where the corpse was ...Here, I said ...it is for me ! (I was told I had terminal cancer at the time, and wanted it all paid for and sorted ....just place of death to crem ...end of !)....they were quite surprised (oh yes, I was fortunate to be offered a new treatment ...10 years ago and am still here !) but I do have a pre paid funeral policy, with a chosen FD.....if I were in the UK it would be the good old Co op ...as a then single parent, working full time, but still broke, I was so relieved my late father had everything sorted before he died .....it was such a relief to me and my brother, as we would have had no spare money to pay ! Luckily he also had a small amount in the Bank .....banks ae authorised to release the deceased's funds for paying for the funeral .....................I fact I have just done this with my late brother ...I just about had enough to travel to the UK and organise the funeral the solicitor, etc etc ,,,,,luckily he had enough saved so I took the death certificate along to the FD who organised it all , and authorised the Bank, via the Solicitor who is dealing with Probate, to release the funds to pay them ! Being able to organise a funeral for them both without worrying that I had no money was a lovely feeling ......brother never left any wishes so no one had a clue what he would have wanted. I organised a lovely funeral with all his friends and colleagues and a gathering afterwards ....it was really lovely to hear the nice things they said about him and their memories of him ......so yes, if you have enough money to spare, I think a plan is a good idea ......................by the way I also offered my body to medical science .......here you have to write a letter in French (Its online !) stating your wishes, and then you receive a request back for 200 Euros to pay for transport ....THEN if you do not have a perfect body, with no operation scars, infectious diseases (that bit is understandable !) they will let your next of kin know they do not want it ....THEN they will send a bill for the cost of transportation and the next of kin will be responsible for the funeral costs, whether or not they have removed any bits !!!! I said sorry I do not have a perfect body ...anyway, what is the point of a perfect body Surely young trainee doctors would have more of a challenge decided what you died of or what you suffered if your body was not perfect ????

My mum has just died and had a paid for funeral plan through Age UK and a local funeral director. She paid about £2000 for it about 10 years ago- an equivalent funeral would cost £6000 today. It wasn't flash, simple coffin, hearse and 1 limo for family. She was cremated and there were extras to pay for like the minister and organist because we knew she would want a proper service. There is more to pay as well because I have to transfer the deeds of the family grave and then have it opened so her ashes can be interred with my dad's. So almost £800. As far as I can see it's big business. Oh and everywhere seems to have a "bereavement officer" these days from hospital to the council.

So many adverts pushing this.

I shall leave money for my dh or dc if dh dies first, to have me cremated. I know if my dh dies before me he has said he wants a seat in his memory overlooking Sewerby point in East Yorkshire, near to where he grew up as a child. I will have a seat in a park where I played as a child and my dc played in as children too. I want ashes buried with dh's ashes when time comes and a small plack with our names on will do. Personally, I think large and grand funerals are a waste of money. I would not do a funeral prepay.

My folks had an insurance policy and OH Mum had money set aside so we were spares any big bills.

We've paid for our funerals with the Co-Op.

OH wasn't keen when I first suggested it as he said the girls will have plenty out of the estate.

I had to point out they would need cash up front as they couldn't get at any of our estate straight away, assuming we haven't used it on care by then.

I also reminded him that our folks hadn't left us to pay for their funerals.

"Ah, yes," he said, hadn't thought about it in those terms. Thankfully it was sorted very quickly.

Both girls know where all our paperwork is and they have paper and electronic copies, OH scanned everything.

We all accept that there most likely will be things to pay that aren't covered but hopefully the big bill is paid.

Like so many folks here we both want a very simple, no fuss, cremation but have said it's up to DD's if they want a "Bit of a Do" after.

Not long after we'd got our plan a friends lost FIL and Mum within a couple of months. Hard time for them. One parent had a plan and the other had money put aside. But our friends still had to top-up both but were very glad they didn't have to find the whole cost as the estates still haven't been sorted out.

OH said after talking to our friends that he was glad we had at least made it easier on the girls.

I'm not sure there is ever a right thing to do even if funds are available.

My father paid 2 funeral plans in advance for himself and mother with a local FD. Dad died first-hand we went to the FD, didn't even need the policy. The plan covered everything including one car. All we had to pay was the insert in the local paper and family flowers. He had already bought the grave.

Ten years later when mother died we did exactly the same thing, and again the only outlay was family flowers and insert in local paper

When he took out the plans they cost £790 each.
We could arrange everything as we wished via FD. It was all very easy. No-one trying to add 'extras' or get money out of us.

We chose in each case to have refreshments afterwards in a local hotel, sandwiches and biscuits, tea/coffee, at £5 per head approx. Paid out of the estate.

DH and I have bought our grave. Haven't yet taken out a plan which I think is about 3k each.

I'd like all paid in advance as two of my dds live abroad. I've also left word that any offspring living abroad are to be given the cost of travelling out of my estate.

I do think funerals are important. They have been so since the Stone Age and probably before.

But as for paying for them with those heavily advertised 'plans', quite unnecessary. My mother's funeral costs came out of her estate and I expect mine will too. The best funeral I went to was a fantastic knees up. That's what I want, even though I won't be there to enjoy it.