Family needing help.....

Develop an allergy ;-)

Learning to say no is an essential skill in life, whether with children, grandchildren, work or leisure.

I have no advice but I just wanted to say I know how you feel. I doubt either of us will move away. It's probably the price we pay for loving our family. The idea of a long peaceful retirement just pottering and holidaying, sauntering around a village green sound wonderful but I think it may very well wear off when you see photos of grandchildren and realise what your missing. As they say the "grass is always greener ect ect" I'm hopeful you'll get some advice about saying No from others or at least how to say yes but not every day and how to remind your family that your entitled to a holiday during term time now that your grandchildren are at school. Good luck.

Just Say No to doggy day care.

I would tell her to either get a dog walker or take dog to dog day care, but she should really have thought about this before accepting a full time job, caring for a dog is different to caring for GC, if anything it means more change to your life , hope your D will think about her dog and what the dog needs .

That's a big ask! Our children know that we are past having pets so this wouldn't arise. Just say sorry, we're past having pets and looking after a dog every day is the same as having one - sorry, no can do.

Poor dog! Perhaps daughter and son in law can take some responsibility and pay dog walker 3 days and then you undertake doggie day care 2 days. This will be an asset to your lives I can recommend. You'll be fitter, meet more people and see more of the countryside. Pubs are usuallygreat at welcoming dogs. Not to mention the companionship and fun of having a dog in your life. This may turn out to be a great good thing for you both. Anyway why not help out? We all help each other out in my family of 3 daughters, 2 grandchildren and 7 dogs between us.

Poor dog! Perhaps daughter and son in law can take some responsibility and pay dog walker 3 days and then you undertake doggie day care 2 days. This will be an asset to your lives I can recommend. You'll be fitter, meet more people and see more of the countryside. Pubs are usuallygreat at welcoming dogs. Not to mention the companionship and fun of having a dog in your life. This may turn out to be a great good thing for you both. Anyway why not help out? We all help each other out in my family of 3 daughters, 2 grandchildren and 7 dogs between us.

Is there a registered dog walker in your area? This helped when I was tasked with dog sitting as I damaged a knee and was unable to take the dog on walks for a while. Having a dog to walk can be very relaxing as well as beneficial to your health (unless you twist your knee during said walk!). I found I really enjoyed having an excuse to visit the beach or walk in the park with the dog.

If you don't want to do it, say so. If your family love you, they wont' see you cming second to their dog.

You have to say (nicely), "Sorry xxx we are not able to look after your dog". Do not get into explanations of why - that is not there business. Just keep repeating it as often as they ask. If they do not like it then I'm sorry but they are just bullying you.

Say NO to the dog - this is over the top and out of order.

Yep, I'm afraid 'no' is king here. Difficult but not impossible. How about a simple ''we're going away for a few days (and do so, of course) so you'll need to find someone else to look after the dog" If you word it fait accompli rather than a maybe they'll realise you mean business. It's such a pity you didn't ask who would be looking after the dog when you first heard about the new job. Aaaaah families...........

Just say NO, and if asked why, say, because we don't want to, simple as that! We have DD's dog when they go on holiday which she resiprocates, but, even though we have our own dog, every day would be out of the question. Our local kennels cater for day care, as I think most do these days, and there are always people offering walking and dog sitting services. Just be firm!!!

Looking after your grand children is very different to dog sitting. Children can't be left on their own, but dogs certainly can! Hard to say no, but if you don't you will end up feeling resentful

It's stuff like this that makes me glad after all that we didn't have kids. If you are from the kind of family that has always done this and the older generations looked after you and now you are passing it on then that's great - otherwise: NOOOOO!!!!!

Just tell her that now all the grandchildren are at school,you have made plans for days out,going to clubs/classes and generally relaxing.Taking on dog care is not on your agenda and who knows how long you would be expected to continue doing it?
A responsible dog owner would make sure that day care/dog walker plans were in place before accepting full-time work.

Every family feels differently, but for me, a dog is an entirely different kettle of fish (so to speak!)
We too, have given up things we might like to do, i order to help care for grandchildren, and I wouldn't change that for anything - the relationship we have with them, the sense of family, the support for them & their parents that enables them to flourish, the idea that in the future they will tell their grandchildren about us.....all of these things are worth any amount of holiday.

But a dog!!!!

I looked after my sister in law's dog when they went on holiday - I am not a doggy person but took it on because they couldn't find anyone else to do it. When they got back I told them that in future I would help out in an emergency but that taking care of the dog was very inconvenient and difficult for me. They accepted that and have never asked again (and yes we are still friends). You need to assert yourself otherwise after the dog it will be something else, then something else again until you have no time for yourselves at all.

There are pros and cons to this aren't there? On the one hand you want a break. On the other hand at least this means you go on being fully involved in the family and don't risk being neglected as their lives get busier, as they need to see you each day at least twice to pick up the dog.

How about saying you need a break, and asking if it's possible to agree a complete break of a month once or twice a year when some other friend or service steps in to take care of things? Or even a 3 month sabbatical all at once to give you a taste of what you'd be doing with your days if you weren't helping them. You might even find you run out of things to do and welcome the return of the grandkids and dog. And it won't cost them as much as if you'd said a complete "no" right out. It keeps some options open and a compromise.

We spent years doing childcare and it's wonderful when the littlest ones are finally at school, so I understand. When we were then asked to see to the dog daily, we said no and immediately a neighbour offered to walk him every day. There must be another solution, but you won't know until you say you aren't able to do it. I'm sure doggy day care will soon be found from someone else. There are great dog walking companies everywhere now.

I think making that assumption is totally out of order and maybe they are taking you for granted? I would help for holidays maybe but certainly not every day, if they want a dog they have to organise care for it. This is your life and if you're not careful you'll suddenly find yourself too old to do some of the things you've been promising yourself.

Dear Nannarose, wonderful idealism, I hope it happens for you like that. Yes stut5182 its time to say No to the dog- you have a life left to live too! Believe me you will be no worse off for it. Good luck once the conversation is done its done!!!

Frankly this is a bit ridiculous....you are seriously contemplating moving away because you cant say No to looking after a dog? I have deliberately said it like that to try to highlight how daft it is! Saying No does not equate to how much you love your family ! Loving does not mean always subjugating ones own wishes to others!!