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Should I stay

(119 Posts)
bettyboo22 Fri 30-Jun-17 10:23:37

Hi I've been married for 19 years and I'm not too happy himself has now retired and is obsessed with sport mostly cricket all day and golf Motor racing ski slops things in the winter in fact any sport I'm allowed corrie and Emmerdale also he likes to watch certain drama programmes like miss maples repeat after repeat driving me mad we don't go out anywhere or do anything what would you do ?

Lona Fri 30-Jun-17 10:26:11

Buy yourself a tv?

Ana Fri 30-Jun-17 10:26:55

Get another TV in another room, even if it's your bedroom or the kitchen.

rosesarered Fri 30-Jun-17 10:47:56

Develop you own interests? Go out with your friends, visit your DC and DGC, join clubs? interest your DH in joining a club, history society, U3 Age, bowls, golf?
Get him to go out with you more during the day.

cornergran Fri 30-Jun-17 11:35:00

The worst thing to do would be nothing. As others have said introduce something for yourself. If you are well enough and there are no other barriers consider some voluteering as well as U3A, a local club, family and friends or a second television. See if there is a GN meetup in your area. The first step is difficult but once you have made it no looking back. Good luck. Let us know how you get on.

goldengirl Fri 30-Jun-17 12:10:47

We've got 2 TVs as we have different interests. It gives us topics to share and talk about too. I'm concerned, bettyboo2 that you use the words 'I'm allowed...' That sounds very controlling. Perhaps as others have suggested you could find something outside the home to enjoy - which will give you additional subjects for conversation when you come home.

Ilovecheese Fri 30-Jun-17 12:30:12

First of all accept that you can't change the sort of retirement that he wants in order to give you the sort of retirement that you want.
Good idea to get another TV and set yourself up in a separate room, even if it has to be the bedroom.
Good idea also to develop your own interests either outside the home, and/or in your separate room.
You don't have to leave to live a life of your own, you have your own freedom, and like goldengirl says, have something to talk to each other about, plus you don't have to go home to an empty house.

devongirl Fri 30-Jun-17 12:55:42

bettyboo22, I hope you have considered the options on this thread previously? The idea of having 2 TVs is the obvious solution superficially; but the title of your post 'should I stay' suggests to me that there are far moe fundamental and important things going on with the two of you, maybe you need to address this possibility and maybe seek relationship counselling if this is the case?

MiniMouse Fri 30-Jun-17 12:59:19

Two things strike me a) you're 'allowed' to watch a couple of programmes, which you like b) a second TV may be a good option, but it should not always be you who has to decamp to wherever it is sited (unless you prefer to, of course!).

grannysue05 Fri 30-Jun-17 13:07:53

bettyboo22 Strikes me that your DH is very, very sporty and you are not.
Also your choices in TV programmes seem to be miles apart. Was it always like this?
After nineteen years of marriage you must have had something in common. Has all that gone now that DH has retired?
You should, perhaps, be looking more deeply into your relationship. After all, you are asking .....shall I leave?

Luckygirl Fri 30-Jun-17 13:16:12

Two TVs - in different rooms. You just get out and about - join things - meet people - and leave him to it. It might even involve him finishing up making a meal for himself! grin

MawBroon Fri 30-Jun-17 15:25:33

Blimey, surely there's more to life than TV?
He likes sport, you don't. No doubt he doesn't watch Escape to the Country or Doctors.
Go out for a walk, read a book, listen to the radio, or get a second TV
You can also watch live TV on your iPad/tablet or best of all
don't watch TV!!
Counselling because you have different TV tastes?? gringrin
If this was MN of course by now somebody would have said LTB!!

Ana Fri 30-Jun-17 15:29:45

Well, from the tite of her thread obviously the OP's considering it, MawBroon! grin

Ana Fri 30-Jun-17 15:30:01

title!

Jalima1108 Fri 30-Jun-17 15:58:37

muttering LTB? LTB? LTB?

Got it now!!

Try getting another tv and getting a life outside the home first then consider the third option. grin

Nelliemoser Sat 01-Jul-17 09:07:19

I have one of those OHs it's not sport for him though.

I garden, by myself mainly and I have a word with OH when I need some muscle. That can take a while as he doesn't like being asked to do anything much.

No help today he has an orchestra rehearsal and concert. I do not usually attend.

Carolest59 Sat 01-Jul-17 09:11:05

What is it about men that they love watching these endless repeats like morse.midsummer night murders ,lewis etc etc.is it a comfort thing?

rosesarered Sat 01-Jul-17 09:14:02

grin

Jaycee5 Sat 01-Jul-17 09:15:28

It takes time to adjust to retirement and you may find that he deals with it a bit differently in a year or two than he is now. There is a lot of time to fill. I felt that I was being lazy if I didn't go out and do something every day.
It is a bit rude to take over the TV but that does fit in with an early retirement need to feel that time is being usefully spent. At least he isn't vegetating but it is annoying that people go to one extreme or the other.
I can't see any other option but to buy another TV although it is a shame as there is something comforting about watching TV in companionship. Give him time to adjust and accept that you will have to do some of that yourself.

rosesarered Sat 01-Jul-17 09:15:33

I think it's more ( my DH anyway) that they fall asleep half way through, so have to see everything again ( and they fall asleep again etc etc.)

Theoddbird Sat 01-Jul-17 09:26:48

The word that jumps out as me is 'ALLOWED'. This sounds so controlling.

The question you have to ask yourself is this... 'Is this what I want my life to be like and continue to be like?'

You could just carry on and build a social life on your own of course...go to an evening class and join a MeetUp group that will get you out doing things. Just google MeetUp. I am going to an 'escape room' today with the group I belong to smile

Oh and buy another TV...hahaha

Oh a question. What are your feelings for his man?

Jalima1108 Sat 01-Jul-17 09:36:54

It's more 'Grand Designs' in this house, but he does say 'well, you were on the computer so I had on what I liked, change channels if you like'.

Sometimes I feel as if Kevin McCloud is living with us.

Jalima1108 Sat 01-Jul-17 09:38:53

I thought watching tv was 'vegetating'
As is being on GN
shock

Must go and do something productive (plants to put in, jam to make, fruit to put in the freezer, knitting to sew up, photos to sort. A woman's work is never done even when she's retired!).

Smithy Sat 01-Jul-17 09:42:28

Lots of good advice already on here. Don't leave its lonely retired and alone! Just make life better for yourself as suggested. Good luck.

Bebe47 Sat 01-Jul-17 09:47:41

Snap!! But I am married to a workaholic !! He won't retire (we Have a business) which involves me keeping the accounts but if he is not at his desk then he is "doing" something in the garden or in the house. Great if you need an odd job man but I need a companion as well. . Your only resort is to lead a separate life alongside his preferred interest of tv but he has to share the domestics too. Don't feed him or do all the chores and shopping etc. Men must realize that life doesn't stop for you when THEY retire.
Get out more and leave him to it if he won't go with you. Volunteering is great fun and you meet all sorts of people. Dancing, keep fit, U3a, Slimming Clubs etc etc are full of women like you and I, looking to escape from domestic chores and controlling husbands.