My heart has just been broken.......

Sorry, but without the ccontext I don't know how to reply. Was he fishing for compliments, or hoping that you'd contradict him? Did he say it in a joking manner?

How did it arise?

Perhaps he's really insecure...

I too am a little bit puzzled travelsafar. it doesn't take much

Is he worried that you don't love him but just tolerate him?

Can you explain what you mean please?

We were talking about a family gathering and i know he doesnt enjoy entertaining but we do it maybe once or twice a year at the most. He alluded to the fact that my children from previous marriage, who will be there, just put up with him and thats when he said that i do too.

Tbh he sounds as if he might be depressed, travelsafar

I wouldn't take this too seriously travelasfar, sounds like he is upset and worried over the forthcoming family event.
We say hurtful things when we are worried or afraid and comments are usually directed at our nearest and dearest.
Sit down with him and tell him how his words hurt you, he needs to understand you are upset too.

Yes I agree, I know it must have been upsetting for you to hear travelsafar but try not to take it to heart. He obviously knows all you've done for him and the family and possibly feels guilty and pretty useless.

As you have done so much for him possibly he feels inadequate as a husband

Yes, I think he's talking about his own feelings, not yours.
Try not to take it personally.
TBH I sometimes say to my dear husband, "Sometimes I don't know how I put up with you!" and he agrees. Which happened today once.
He says the same to me, but not so often.

Thank you for your responses, maybe i am just feeling a bit sensitive today. I had been shopping for food etc for Sunday and getting in a bit of a panic about whether i had enough. Also i know he doesnt enjoy anything like this which kind of puts me on tenderhooks i suppose.

I agree with those who think it is his own feeling of guilt that he is communicating. I hope the family get-together goes well and that you can both relax afterwards. You sound like a caring, kind person, but you must also take care of yourself, you are just as important as the others!

You are amazing to have helped him and supported him when recovering from a drink problem. He is probably fishing for reassurance but never-the-less he's lucky to have you and even luckier you didn't bop him one!

Men can be such babies!

Get a bit of superglue on that broken heart, pick yourself up and enjoy your family get-together.

I can understand why he might feel a bit inadequate around your children - he is after all not their Dad and has put you through rather a lot! He might be feeling bad about that. But you clearly did this out of love and that is why his thoughtless comment has struck home. This may be a storm in a teacup. Deep breath and let it blow over - and well done to you for your stalwart care of your OH.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_y9F5St4j0

Tell him he is bloody lucky somebody does put up with him. And that with that attitude, many wouldn't.

Then play him this from Fiddler on the Roof (Do you love me?) ?

MawBroon thank you so much for the link, so apt!!

To everyone else thank you for kind words and replies to my post.

I have chosen to ignore for now the hurt he caused me and put it down to mixed messages.

You are a saint, many would have given him the heave ho ages they say life's too short.ago, as

I love that song, MawBroon.

my first husband had a "drink problem" , he died nearly 10 years ago from pancreatic cancer. Almost 3 years ago I met another guy and we married last September, his ex-wife also had a drink problem. I now realise there is no one in this life more selfish or self centred then someone with a drink problem. sending u big big hugs xxxx

I think Anniebach has made a very good point.

I think the subtext that he feels but isn't saying is "I don't know how you put up with me".
He needs you to say "I don't put up with you, I love you" - you do, don't you?

Yes, perhaps he needs you to unbreak his heart, travelsafar?

So many problems, both major and minor, within a relationship are caused by lack of, or communication problems. (Believe me, I speak from experience).

We are all encouraged to talk openly and honestly with our husbands/partners/family members, but the bottom line is that some of them find it hard or impossible to have that sort of conversation (again, speaking from experience)

Sometimes in these circumstances a chat over a bottle of wine can loosen the tongue and the mind, but obviously that is not appropriate under the circumstances.

If you feel that talking could be hard for you both, then how about writing it all down, and leaving it as a note on his pillow, at his place at the table, whatever works for you.

People who have had problems with alcohol often still have low esteem issues (God, I hate that word) along with problems with actually talking about it.

There is a lot of stress/emphasis on "talking", it doesn't work for everyone, sometimes writing or email can be more comfortable.

Sorry, I've whittered on.

travelsafar - you've opened up a subject that seems to have rung a bell with many of us - thank you!