Toilet training ( for children)

My eldest was late in being toilet trained, (5+) so I took him to the doctor's. He sent off a urine sample and he had an infection. After treatment he became clean and dry.
But parents need to put some time and effort in.

I'll mention that to my daughter Tricia.

I know what you mean about effort though

My DGS 2 used to have frequent toileting accidents, (he's six), and has high functioning autism. My DD started him on a gluten and dairy free diet and, as if by magic, he became clean and dry almost straight away. She has reintroduced gluten to his diet, he's still clean and dry, so it would appear that he has a dairy intolerance. It's just a thought, and may not be the answer for your DGD's little friend.

N&G - I don't have any personal experience of this & cannot give professional advice (other than knowing from a teaching perspective that it does happen that staff can be unaware that a child has had an "accident"), but I can offer my DS experience with his then new partner's 4 year old son.

Prior to my DS relationship with his mother, the little boy would "retain" both urine & stools, often having accidents at both home & latterly at school. He was increasingly distressed & sometimes in actual pain from impaction; he was "inaccurate" & demonstrated severe aversion to toilets & had done so from the commencement of potty training. Our very first meeting with DS girlfriend & her son was in his second term at school & was a hard weekend for all concerned.

Shortly after moving in together & following advice from a sympathetic GP, my DS supported his new family in clinic attendance (for all) in order to gain insight into the strongly-suspected psychological origins of the issue & to get practical guidance as to how to alleviate & reduce the behaviours shown.
In this case, after further enquiries, it became clear that extreme inconsistency in toilet training approaches from other members of the wider family were the cause. The child had experienced limited, but very negative "training" at a critical time, which had resulted in his all-too obvious fears.
With consistency from all involved, gentle acceptance of "mistakes" & calm, clear guidance... a year on & things were almost what you would hope for a rising 6 year-old. There were occasional errors which were dealt with without unnecessary fuss or comment.
At 8 and a half, he is "reminded" before journeys etc & my now "big" GS is assisting his Mum (now my DiL)& DS in the joys of potty/toilet training my nearly 3 year-old GS.
Hope things turn out well for the little lad & his family.

Worms could be a problem
Sorry if this sounds rather unedifying but small children do get worms and they can be easily passed round a class. They can cause a child to be enuretic.

I am not sure whether they can cause soiling too but perhaps he is not happy at school but cannot express his distress in any other way.

Quite a number of children (particularly boys for some reason) are still not dry at night. He may need to be 'lifted' each night before the parents go to bed.
Otherwise, enuresis alarms can be purchased or perhaps the GP could prescribe one.

are still not dry at night by the age of 5
sorry.

A good source for all toilet training issues is the ERIC website - sorry not techy enough to add a link but a quick 'google' will take you there........

Thanks all !! Some really good points which Ill tell my daughter so she can talk to his Mum. they are good friends so they all just want what's best for the little lad.

Bit disappointed that the teacher did not deal with this in some tactful way - he must be in reception or year one and these sort of happenings are very common.

Just to add that some parents have a very laid-back attitude to toilet training. When ours were growing up I know of at least 2 girls of 6-7+ who were still wetting the bed at night. Both were very heavy sleepers.
Going back to your daughter's friend's little boy, N&G, it sounds more as if he was afraid to ask his teacher to go to the toilet when he felt the urge. As Luckygirl says, these things are quite common at that age and young children need regular toilet breaks.

DS wasn't dry at night till he was in his teens. It was difficult at the time - meant no sleep overs with friends, but he was fine in the end.

ps I've just seen the thread "Denied Toilet Breaks" which is relevant.

If he is soiling on a fairly regular basis he may have something called constipation with overflow. This means he has hard stool in his large bowel and the "new" stuff is coming around that Resulting in soiling. It is very common (but little talked about) and easily remedied. First step is to get his GP to gently palate his tummy. He will be able to tell if there is faecal loading there and will prescribe some medicine to gently clear out the area.

check out the ERIC website www.eric.org.uk/. It's the children's bowel and bladder charity. Really helpful.

So sorry for this little boy, cant really offer any advice, but maybe his mum could send a spare pair set of underwear and trousers to school with him, and also have a word with his teacher, and the teacher then reasure the child that if he needs to go to the toilet, to not be afraid to ask