My forgetful friend

Sorry I don't think I made it clear that the party we're going to is nothing to do with her D just coincidence it's on her birthday.So therefore a memory jogger.

No I wouldn't be upset OH and I constantly forget some date or outing that the other mentions I think when you know someone well sometimes you do tune out to parts of a conversations, we do it without even realising it.

I visit a friend every week for a chat and a cuppa - and every week she asks me if I take sugar. This really made me feel annoyed that she couldn't remember such a simple thing. Then I was there when her adult son arrived, she made him a cup of tea and asked him if he took sugar?? I didn't feel so bad after that!!

So no I wouldn't feel upset, some people just have bad memories.

You say this is not dementia-related. Are you sure?
We have a neighbour who was getting very like that and for years the opinion has been that is because she was just not interested in anybody else. She will ask if I am retired yet(6 years ago) if another mutual friend has any children yet (2) if I have a new dog (had Grace for 8 years) etc etc She was widowed over 10 years ago and talks of little else other than her late husband, his dog, her (present) dog and her own health.
Well now she has had a diagnosis and has also had to give up driving. What sort of dementia it is I don't know, but it has been sad to see her become vaguer and more forgetful over the years.

No I wouldn't be upset at all sometimes people's minds are too busy with their own stuff I also wouldn't rule the start of dementia out at all ....My friend started by forgetting something simple but had and still has a great long term memory which kind of made us think she was fine I m always being told ' I told you that ' when I feel pretty sure they didn't
Why should she remember your nights out I really think it's a bit paranoid to think she is purposely forgetting your news

It's not just "my nights out" that was just one example.
I'm sure it's not dementia related. Her husband and daughter haven't noticed any problems.
Me being paranoid it is then.

Nina Please stop putting yourself down for being uninteresting to your friend. I really do think onset of dementia could be the cause and the fact that her husband and daughter haven't noticed any problems does not rule it out. Her husband is seeing her every day I presume and changes can be so subtle. Think about children growing - the parents do not notice as it is so gradual but if you haven't seen a particular child for a couple of weeks or longer, the first thing you notice is their change in height.

Yes but some people "forget" things to put other people down. My next door neighbour does this to hurt. But I laugh at her. As did mil .they are trying to show you how unimportant you are in their lives.

nina your friend might be like me. I held down a good job for 25 years with no problems and able to remember loads of different work related things BUT I have never been able to remember personal things (like my wedding anniversary, my own children's dates of birth, where we have been on holiday or when etc etc). No it is not the first sign of dementia, I have always been like this. It drives me mad. I have spoken to doctors and they have just said everyone's brain works in a different way. I have tried all sorts of memory courses but nothing helps. I have never met anyone else with the same problem but perhaps your friend has something like this.

I have a friend, a bit younger than me (I'm 58) we speak at least 3 times a week. I do worry about her, she works full time but during phone conversations she will tell me something early in the conversation then repeat it again later! She will also tell me stuff that she covered in a previous call.

Add that to her odd habit of saying "with it" at the end of sentences where it really doesn't belong.........

Don't worry about it. I often start conversation with 'stop me if I've already told you this' and I'm sure I'm not the only one I'm sure.

So....if we can't always remember who we have hold what (if that makes sense) then I'd allow other the benefit of the doubt and put it down to pure forgetfulness.

Do I know you ninathenana - are you meaning me?

Possibly not as I am sure I'm older than you

ps I would not intentionally ignore what you told me and I'm sure she doesn't either.
Perhaps she has a lot on her mind, compartmentalises some things, and was just concentrating on what is happening with her D at the weekend.

Nina please don't be upset with your friend, if it was deliberate ignoring of what you have said you really wouldn't need to ask the question.
Your friend is possibly a bit like me. I so struggle with trying to remember things I have been told and am very conscious of people's feelings but to no avail. If my friends abandoned me because of this I would feel bereft and similarly if they berated me I would be in the depths of despair because, try as I might, I just cannot help it.

I go walking with a friend every Sunday morning. We seem to have the same conversations each time. Sometimes I will respond with 'Yes, you said before', but I get the whole story again. I find myself giving the same replies every time but she doesn't remember! She is 81 but is absolutely with it and very financially astute. I put it down to her not being interested in anything I have to say.
I just chuckle to myself and enjoy the walk, especially as she does little farts all the way!

synonymous I'm not likely to abandon her after 25+ yrs.

I wouldn't be at all upset and I hope others aren't with me when I behave like this. I just assumed it was normal to forget things on this level, as it certainly is amongst my friends, and I admit to being one of the worst offenders. We're always going over old ground. I think Anya's spot on when she says this is often because we forget who we've told what to. I met up with one group of friends for lunch yesterday and another group for tea, then bumped into another friend on the way home. I felt I was repeating myself rather a lot...

My very best friend who I dearly love has four sons all with very normal names the Johns and Pauls of the world she often tells me stories about her son's grandsons and daughter in laws or girlfriends I get in a dreadful muddle and often have to ask her now which one is that she probably thinks I m totally daft but I get them muddled they aren't mine and sometimes I don't concentrate enough

I would. My mother was like that. "When is your birthday?", she'd say to me, I know your DS's is on 11th" Mine is 4 days later!

I find other people are so busy telling me about themselves that they only give me 10 minutes to talk about me, and them promptly forget what I have been distressed about. Their problems are for me to remember, but the reverse isn't true.

On the other hand, I get so easily hurt with slights, real or perceived, it isn't funny.

When I was working outside of the home, the days were easily distinguished from each other and I could recall my work-day and whatever I did when back at home in the evening.

About 4 years ago, I started working from home for the same firm. Each day is sort of the same now as I don't have the personal interaction with them, it's all digital. So if I want to recall something, it's in an email or document. I do not 'have' to remember. I think it's contributed to not keeping events or conversations in mind.

I also study via DL and when in a course, I can remember daily assignment material, no problem. When a course finishes, those daily markers of time disappear!

Maybe it's because as we get older the memory banks get a bit full? For me, it's the sameness of the days. Of course I'd rather be out and about, travelling, meeting up with people more often. Right now we have some commitments that keep my husband busy here, so I am filling my time with work and study.

Am I self-boring with all this sameness and is that making me forgetful of daily life?

She may well have her mind on something that is stressing her at present, when I am feeling poorly I find it hard to concentrate on other people's concerns. At my worst memory lapses I blame chemo brain fog.
I have always had a problem with remembering faces and am well known for walking past extended family in he Street.

I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis and it has messed up my life. Among the many symptoms is 'foggy brain'. I comfort myself that I haven't lost memories but get very frustrated when I can't remember a word or something I know well disappears for a while. I can be thinking of something regularly and keep ow all the words , often names of things, but the
Then can't recall when mentioning it to DH.
It's an autoimmune issue and more common than people realise. One of many unfortunately.

I used remember all conversations, even location, so feel like I've aged. And just 60 now.

I suppose I'm really saying that irritating as it may be to you that your friend may not be 'not othered/interested'
enough to remember. She may just need a prompt.
Ageing an be very frustrating.

My memory is awful lately which annoys me because it was always a good one when I was working. I did read somewhere that multi tasking is the cause of memory loss, and all those years that I raised my children went to work and did the usual household stuff has not done it any good, so now I try to concentrate on one thing at a time.

I wonder if your friend is a bit deaf but doesn't realise it? I don't always catch what people say if I'm not concentrating 100% or I'm distracted. It can be embarrassing when people think you've heard them, but actually you haven't. I remember reading about a working lady who missed news/gossip that colleagues had got married, were pregnant etc. because she hadn't realised that her hearing was failing.