My forgetful friend

I have also recently seen a TV news bite with a woman GP about HRT and how menopause can wreak havoc with brain fog.

Hi ninathenana My late mother-in-law had no sign of dementia when she died aged 90. When my children were little, 30 years ago, she would often ask me about something I'd literally just told her and it used to irritate me beyond words but eventually I decided it didn't matter. I accepted it and resolved simply to tell her again. That helped me to feel calmer about it. One day, when she did it for the umpty-ninth time and I patiently began again, she said, "Oh! Liz, I'm sorry. You just told me that, didn't you?"

You love your friend (presumably) so forgive her, in your mind, and tell her again the news that didn't register first time. You'll feel so much better ?

You really shouldn't try to make this about YOU. Grow a little self-confidence.

I don't think it's that the things you tell her aren't important enough to remember. I sometimes have to tell DH about things that directly affect him (appointments etc.) several times. And no, it's not dementia. He's been the same for 30+ years! I once worked with a woman who emailed her husband things she wanted him to remember. People's brains work differently.

Men don't NEED to remember things. That's what they have wives for

exalted wombat - I don't know where you are coming from but that was uncalled-for.

I agree Daphne! I'm always telling DH that I'm fed up being used as his memory!

GrannyBing you're bang on the nail there - I often fail to hear the detail of what I'm being told even if I get the general drift, and as it seems to cause offence to query it I tend to nod agreement and shut up. I know DH and several friends mumble and I cant hear them clearly even when I manoeuvre in front of them to try and lip read, but nothing I say makes them speak clearly, they seem to think I'm just being difficult. Mumblers of the world please read and change your ways, it takes two to communicate!

It annoys me when people assume that poor memory is not being bothered! I have a very poor memory and it is due to stress and having a lot of various responsibilities both at work and home! It means that I forget things that impact on me as well as others! I am too young for dementia and my GP has said stress related but it leads to me forgetting I have put a pan on to boil, regularly forgetting various PIN numbers and pass words, missed medical appointments, burnt food and even forgetting something some one said to me a few minutes before! Do not assume that bad memory is deliberate!!!

I think we all get a bit forgetful as we age, and it's not necessarily anything to do with dementia.
My daughter always rolls her eyes when I embark on a tale or joke which I've told her before, but she too often repeats herself, and she's only 29!

jenpax you can get a kitchen timer that hangs round your neck. Set it to 5 minutes if you're leaving a pan on the cooker. You can have the same pin for all your cards and, if your password is secure, you can use the same one for everything. You can make up a password from numbers and letters using a book.
For example:

1. turn down the corner of three different pages from 1 to 5. I used John Francombe's Deadly Finish for this example.

2. Use the page number e.g. 2 and the first 2 letters on that page e.g. ha (have), and do the same for the other pages e.g. 4 Ithi (I think) 5 Aquil (Aquiline). The password would be 2ha4Ithi5Aquil. Or you could use 245haIthiAquil. The turned down corners remind you which page, the page numbers tell you which letters. There's a mix of letters, capital and lower case, and numbers and that one is 15 characters. If you wanted different passwords for different sites, you could make a note on the flyleaf of each book. Keep the books handy. It would have to be a burglar reading this on GN to work it out, starting with who you are, where you live and which book!

If you use a smart phone you can set a reminder using the clock or calendar apps to remind you with an audible alarm when you have an appointment. You can choose how far in advance you want the warning e.g. the day before, an hour before etc. Just make sure you keep the phone handy!

I have disciplined myself to sit in the hairdressers and put a reminder in my phone for my next appointment. I've forgotten to go so many times in the past. It's very embarrassing! ?

I am so like your friend nina. It certainly isn't because I'm not interested, it's just that I'm not a 'details' person in any walk of life. I get very annoyed with myself, and often think other people must see me as completely self absorbed. A recent conversation was a revelation though - one of my friends was talking about an old mutual friend and remembered details about members of their family; I remembered all the things we had done together. Also, I remember how people say they feel about a situation, but not the details of the situation itself e.g. another friend hates change but has had a few new jobs over the last couple of years. She has forgotten completely that she was totally fed up at the start of each job, and hasn't learnt that she will probably be fine with her latest one once she gets over the newbie stage. I can remember clearly just how badly she reacted. Basically we all have different types of memory facilities and your friend is probably not doing anything to deliberately hurt you.

Shysal that's hilarious !

It is certainly not her hearing. The exchanges were made through text messages.
We, messaged about it Thursday and she text me yesterday whilst I was at the party to ask her usual "What you up too" I didn't reply as we were eating lunch. She text me twice after that "did you get my text" when I did reply I reminded her where I was. "Oh yeah, ok"

I fell over and banged my head hard a year ago and I was warned at the A&E I might have something called Post Concussion Syndrome which can last a couple of years. It can cause short term memory loss and make balance when walking a bit dodgy.

After hiding away for a bit I started telling people about it when I forget things - last week, for example, amongst other things, I couldn't remember what the fruit drink I make every day for my breakfast is called (smoothie). I forget names. I think if I make a joke of it my friends and neighbours won't think I'm losing my marbles. If they don't like it they are not my friends.

You know ninathenana , you sound as if you are getting really annoyed with your friend Why would you get cross with her for asking if you'd got her text that you didn't answer? it's not her party why should she remember where you are I really think you are making a bit of a mountain out of this .... accept her as she is, forgetful or not if you want the relationship to continue. I really can't understand why she needs to remember all your happenings I find it blooming hard remembering my own events let alone someone else's diary

Sorry, I fail to see how that cones across as being annoyed. I was just relaying the facts. BlueBelle

Glad to hear that Nina, as you say, 25 years is a long time and I suppose sounding off on GN is the best thing to do.

lizzypopbottle your suggestions of passwords have left me completely cross eyed! We are all so very different in the way we do things aren't we! In fact, post stroke I don't do things in the same way that I used to, it is really weird!

Shysal I also have an elderly friend who 'pops' all the time but the funniest thing is that she seems to be completely oblivious. If DGC are with us they are in absolute kinks about it! DH reckons she does it so much that all the hot air enables her to 'rise above it'.