Born with a silver spoon in one's mouth - NO!

I agree, it seems as if people resent those who have worked hard and managed to accrue savings to enjoy in their retirement. I have savings which are invested to give me an income, which is only around £12,000 including my state pension, yet I have heard family members talking amongst themselves that I am "lucky" that I can go on holiday - yet my DH and I never smoked, rarely went out and worked full time for the whole of our married lives, whilst they smoked, drank - often to excess - and never saved a penny, which was their choice. When I offered to employ one of my nephews to do some work for me I heard someone say he should charge me a more because I had plenty!

My DH and I run our own small engineering business. We constantly struggle to make ends meet and often go without wages ourselves in order to pay our employees. We were forced to sell our last home and put the money into the business (or we would have gone bust), we sold our beloved static caravan for the same reasons. We now live in a 2 bedroom terrace. I have never had an exotic holiday or car and we have no savings either. However because we are "in business" it is assumed we are loaded. My DH just shrugs it off and says "let them think whatever they like", but it really gets to me sometimes.

When my mother died, all of us siblings agreed to club together for a headstone. My sister said she would pay the bill and we would then pay her our share. It was all agreed but when it was time to pay my brother refused and said that our sister was 'loaded' and why should he pay? Unbelievable. He has never paid her.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have a neighbour who gave up working in his fifties because he could get by on dole who always as a dig about us being loaded if we buy or have any work done we have both worked hard like most people have saved for what we get he used to wind me up but now I ignore him !

We have never been or will ever be loaded.
We have always paid our way and if we have been able to we have helped others.
I would hope I would pay if I could but never make people feel uncomfortable about it rather like showing off.

Does this occur more in families than among friends? In our case that is certainly so. Many years ago my SiL pointed out to me that they always gave the impression of being poor so my Mum gave them money whereas we gave the impression of not needing help.

I won't 'wash my dirty linen' here but have several memories of being disadvantaged by my family, in one case getting no share in the sale of a house, apparently just because we were well off. Of course we were not, we just didn't go around moaning and thought we should be independent. We seem to be the only ones who never had any family help and that has affected how we treat our own children, if we can help we do.

I lived an early life of comparative poverty, especially after my mother left my father and had to have two jobs to support my sister and I. I determinded to better myself and got a teaching degree. My husband started work as a journalist at the age of 19 without a degree (his parents wouldn't pay the university costs) and the pair of us worked full time for decades, even through our two children's early and school days.

Of course hard work paid off and we (like everyone else) became better off though we lived a frugal life and saved rather than splurged.

I was horrified then to find others regarding us with jealousy and resentment and as if we were 'loaded' and 'born with a silver spoon'. Even our sisters who knew we came from exactly the same background as themselves started to treat us as 'rich toffs'.

We have received the 'resentful treatment' from family, friends and work colleagues. It seems even worse from those who spend and splurge every penny on meals out, social media technology, breaks and holidays, eating out and general self indulgence.

We chose to invest our money in our house and not on ephemera and people cannot forgive us. My nieces started to tease my daughter when she was little telling her, 'Your parents are rich.' This didn't go down well with my poor girl who was never indulged and had to watch them have holidays and treats we couldn't afford for her. We have been told we are 'lucky' but the luck was in the hard graft and long hours we put in that others woudn't contemplate.

In truth we didn't work hard to have things but to have choice and freedom. Perhap these are the ultimate luxuries that people really covet and they know they have sold their freedom for a lot of useless, here today-gone tomorrow stuff.

Theirs a reason why you can't choose your family, take a tip and don't trust any one, look after you own nearest & dearest.

Nonnie If that had happened to me well "nuf-said"

We have always had a decent, although certainly not lavish, income, and have been lucky enough to be in work always, apart from a few weeks of redundancy for DH. We have been given nothing, inherited nothing, and yet have also received the 'Oh, you two are loaded' comments from people who smoke, drink, have expensive holidays and have run up lots of debt. We certainly don't live like the Amish, but I do resent the attitude that is prevalent now in our society; if anyone appears to be even modestly successful they are resented and encounter sneering - this doesn't happen in America where any success is deemed worth congratulation. Why are we like this?

I know someone who is resented because she appears to be well off. Actually, she isn't, but her house is paid for and she enjoys a nice life style. I think it is so unfair to dislike, resent those who appear "better off" especially when they have worked hard to achieve their so called wealth.

We are like this because we tolerate royals

No, some of us are like this because we think the world owes us a living, and if anyone has something good they must have stolen it from us.

Not only appearing to be well off causes jealousy. I was sneered at by a woman when I was about eight or nine who said "ooh, listen to 'er, swallowed a dicshinry aint her", just because I used "a big word". some people are frightened of education and mock those that try to better themselves.

But it does work both ways , I have heard - the child lives on a council estate and also - we chose that school because the children there come from a more affluent area

WOW you wrote that with such hatred and venom, Elegran, the Americans love our royals, so hopefully they might inherit them

Oh you are so right Anniebach.

My Dad came from a poor mining community. He worked hard and became a teacher. He was always very generous, to his widowed mother and to others in the family. The first to get his wallet out.
My DH is the same. Any spare money goes to our children or grandchildren. We rarely give to charity. To us that begins at home.

I golf as you know and the golfing of course attracts people with money but also people who don't have so much but have chosen to play for whatever reason. Clubhouse and on course conversation often runs to money, holidays, cars etc etc and I stay out of it and usually try to turn the conversation to something else lighter books, TV, the weather anything really. It amuses me that I have not let our status be known having been brought up not to discuss money at all. However what people then do is probe in a different way - the favourite of course being house prices and locations. It matters not to me what others have only what they don't have and if I can help I do but again I was taught to keep all such things private.

I do know a few people who really were "born with a silver spoon" but they would be the last to push this down other's throats. In many cases they are no longer in the secure financial position they once held, but simply cut back on their lifestyle to suit their new income. Perhaps people hearing their cut glass accents still imagine they are living in the lap of luxury? This is simple prejudice.

I always find it entertaining when people moan about how hard up they are and then I remember that they've been on at least one foreign holiday during the past year. Half the problem seems to be that many do not know how to live within their means.

Teetime - your post reminds me of why I will have nothing to do with gold clubs - especially the unspeakable ones that 'don't allow' women to become members.

In my experience, when you come from a poor background and go on to make a 'good' life for yourself, you can end up two ways. The first is you help or treat your family when you can because you want them to enjoy what you never had, or you don't want them to suffer as you did. The second is to unconsciously imply with behaviour or words that if you can become comfortably off, everyone can do it - the implication being you only have yourself to blame. I am not articulating this well, but I hope the meaning is there. I expect to be flamed for saying this.

People have different priorities. It amazes me how a couple we know who work in retail (not the best pay) can keep two horses, drive a huge 4x4 and have foreign holidays. H says "they must live on baked beans"
H has never been out of work and for most of the time I've known him worked 12hr shifts. We could never have afforded any of that but eat well and thankfully don't have to worry about an unexpected bill because we don't have a lot of tec stuff, no Sky, drive a modest car and have weekends away. We have friends who are loaded and I admire them for having been brought up on the same council estate as me and securing themselves good well paid jobs. I and a mutual friend may be a bit but they are friends and we don't treat them any different

Tbh I think it's pointless wondering how people can afford this and that. I am what I am and I have what I have. That's it. I do wish things could be a bit easier financially and that my DH didn't have to work so damned hard but there's no point in lifestyle envy.