Born with a silver spoon in one's mouth - NO!

In London it used to be the "postcode code" ( before the cheaper areas became trendy!! )
I can remember the loaded agenda behind "Where do you live?"
Once when I replied "Tooting" I got a wrinkled little retroussé nose in reply , a "Where's that?" before her DH chipped in "oh don't you remember dahling, , that's the place we ended up in the time we got loarst!"

I have a friend and her DH who have made assumptions but still try to find out the detail. They do it by giving info on their finances hoping I will divulge in return. I don't. Recently they came into money which they spent on some luxuries and why not but then talked about how much savings they had compared to when they retired. I simply put it down to insecurity, they are great in all other respects.

Interesting that some people treat us differently now we have a new car than when we drove a very old one. We keep cars a very long time so this one will become old too.

This is really about fairness isn't it?
We often have to accept that "life is not fair" but when we see unfair preference given to or withheld from those we love, it can arouse a great deal of indignation.
I always attempted to treat our DC fairly, but different things were happening in our financial situation at different stages in their lives so if they wanted to, they could claim "she got X .... while I only got Y ..." but fortunately I believe none of them see things that way. I also strive to be even handed with the DGC but then, buying them things is a joy anyway!!

My DM, who is not poor because she saves her money rather than earning a large salary, is extremely unfair with her DGC. My DD is given money hand over fist whilst my other DC together with my nieces and nephews are thrown a pittance in comparison to "even it up". When I tackle her about it, she says she gives according to need but my DD did not need expensive (and new) cars whilst the others got old bangers, nor did she need her mortgage cleared whilst the others got a much lesser donation towards a deposit. All the time, my DC was earning a much better salary and spending frantically whilst the others have been sensible. Now my DM is starting on my DGD (DD's) whilst my DGS (DS's) is scorned despite the fact he is equally adorable. I despair.
I appreciate it is her money but it seems so entirely unfair. I almost feel like I should address the situation by being more generous to my DS's but that would make me as bad as DM and would make my DD resentful.

Lillie if your friends are commenting on how much money you have you've got the wrong sort of friends. I have no idea how much most of my friends are worth and I really don't care. Some of them are probably better off than me some worse. We are friends because we like each other. Family you can't help or change but friends you can. On the other hand you could take the higher view that anyone (your MIL included) who thinks about money first knows, as it has been said, "the price of everything and the value of nothing."

Your comment about the cuddles is the saddest thing. Stuff the money or the house, you can clearly more than stand on your own feet, but love and affection can't be quantified in the same way can they?
The ultimate loser is of course the mean-spirited person themseves , to deserve love you have to give it and it breaks my heart when I hear of cold, stand offish GPs who do not thank God on a daily basis for the love of their DGC

Good

Yes all sorted and fine DB.

I'm guessing you are a generous loving parent and grandparent. If, however, MiL had given us so much as one day's child minding or one encouraging comment or even a big cuddle for her grandchildren we would be more than happy to treat her. Instead she gave her house to the other family and we feel neglected. Anyway my original post was to discuss how one sided giving can be .... and maybe I should have included giving of one's time too.

Not bullying Lillie and I had read the thread, well most of it and it should be obvious that I realis it was your MIL and am perhaps justified in assuming your BIL is her son?
So that is that sorted I hope.
Nobody is talking about whether or not a person deserves their current financial position, but as a parent I would reserve the right to be aware that my offspring's needs might be different. As indeed ours have been at different stages in their lives. Again, I hope that is sorted.
You however express irritation that your MIL, who must be an excellent age - good for her- still lets you (with the aforementioned income) pay for holidays and meals.
There are many here (me included) who would not be surprised at that.
As a parent, the urge to provide for one's children remains strong, and I have been known to find it hard to accept graciously when my DD and SIL whose income has at least one digit more than our pensions, offer to foot the bill for a meal out.

Not sport Lillie an honest comment.
If I had a six figure salary I would be grateful for the brain I was given and the opportunity to exploit it. I would also be happy to share my largesse amongst my nearest and dearest who may not have had the same opportunities. Now just enjoy the fruits of your very hard work, you deserve it.

OK DaphneBroon you've had your sport picking on me about what I said in another thread. I was good enough to ignore you, but may I suggest you be good enough to ask GN to delete your last comment here because it now amounts to bullying.

Firstly, if you read the thread carefully you would know that I only earn what I do because of my education and upbringing, and if you read even more carefully you would learn that my wonderful parents died shortly after I qualified and how I would give everything I possess to have had them when I was younger with my children growing up.

Secondly, it is my MiL who is trying to sponge off us, not my own parents. That's why I said I was irritated.

daphebroom

TBF Lillie not long ago you were telling us about your "comfortable six-figure salary".
From your comments I assume then your BIL and family enjoy a similar level of income.
I'm all for even handed, but may parents not feel free to channel their inner Marx "to each according to his needs?

I know someone who is an inverted snob and forever trying to bring me down it gets quite tedious why can't people just live and let live? We choose to prioritise the things we enjoy rather than going out drinking every weekend or buying the latest gadgets and cars and don't feel we need to justify our choices after all we work very hard to afford the things we want.

DBF is related to the Royal family, distantly, we were standing at a bus stop one night in winter and pouring rain when DD said 'how come if you are related to the Queen we are waiting on a bloody bus in the rain', says it all doesn't it.

You may be correct granjura but I was referring to the inappropriateness of speculation about another's financial situation and forming a judgement based on speculation.

The OP was making reference to "comments about the wealth of others who were quite honestly very ordinary"

I am not aware of many "ordinary" people who inherit houses in Richmond combined with an education at one of the top Public schools in the UK.

Lonsco56- in many cases it is not speculation. And in many case it has little to do with being particularly clever or talented in managing your financial affairs. If you inherit a large sum of money, or are given a 5 bed, 3 bath house in Richmond as a wedding present- you WILL find it a lot easier to get on and increase wealth than if you do NOT. You could be stupid, or very unlucky, and lose it all- but you will certainly find it a lot easier than someone who has not- and this even more so if combined with education at one of the top Pulblic schools in the UK.

Yes Annie, I would question everything about PG, his integrity in particular.

Linsco, surely quite natural to question the wealth of the likes of Phillip Green

So, you will have to go without my pearls of wisdom on this subject
Petra

There you go, flaunting those "pearls" again! Wot's wrong with poppit beads then?

Nain9bach. So true re; walking in another's shoes.

A neighbour of mine was very wealthly, tall, thin and beautiful but dreadfully unhappy as she regularly suffered violent treatment from husband (he would bend her fingers back). Money gave her no comfort.

Another wealthy friend has three gay sons and would love to be a grandmother. Money no comfort there.

It can buy you security and comfort but not necessarily happiness.

I don't think anyone should speculate about another's financial situation. It's none of your business. If you're feeling miffed because you perceive someone to have more than you, then look to your own work ethic, financial management skills and life choices. It is called taking responsibility.

I felt quite sad at reading many of the posts especially yours Lillie as I lost my father when quite young and miss my mum incredibly. There was very little money around when I was growing up and what we have now is what we have worked for. We don't smoke but enjoy a glass of wine and like to go on holidays and treat our children and grandchildren. We have heard comments that we are well off - we are not poor but certainly do not have as much as some people think. I believe the old adage "the harder I work the luckier I get."

I don't think we're here to discuss anyone's personal finances, it's more a case of other peoples' perceptions of the things which make us look "loaded." Mainly it seems like cars and holidays, and maybe a second home. (In our case it was paying for private school for our children.)

I lost both my parents in my 20s and inherited a fair sum. They had also supported me through my degree at a top university and I therefore had a good job too. What used to upset me was people thinking I was "lucky" to have so much when actually I would have given it all away to have my parents back, especially when my children were born and growing up. On the whole I'm over it now, but I used to hate the expression "she's fallen on her feet" or "lucky her to be able to afford that."

Anniebach, I so agree with this:

'I couldn't care less how wealthy a person is , I get irritated when the wealthy can buy privileges or come by their wealth in a dishonest way . Envy is something which has never troubled me , injustice troubles me greatly'

people can't help being born with a silver spoon, anymore than they can help being born the son of a murderer ... what matters is what they do with that silver spoon later in life. Do they fight to keep it in their mouth- or do they admit they've been lucky and seek ways to stop injustice.

Think of people like Tony Benn.