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Feeling sorry for men

(112 Posts)
vampirequeen Sun 19-Jun-16 21:48:18

Recently I was taking part in a discussion on a website that is mainly made up of men when it dawned on me how equality has affected men.

I'm not saying we should go back to the times when women had few or no rights, unequal pay, lack of opportunities etc. but I'm wondering if it's gone too far in some ways.

The men were talking about the hours they sit in shops waiting for their wives to try on yet another piece of clothing and how they pass the time. I asked them why they did it. Why go shopping when they hate it so much? The consensus was that it kept the peace. It was easier than the argument and bad feeling that would happen if they said no. The image of a bored man waiting outside a ladies changing room is a standard joke but really it's a man doing something to keep the peace. Would it be seen as funny if a woman was doing something she hated just to keep the peace?

Images of videos and images of woman as sex objects often cause outrage yet the Diet Coke advert where a group of women leer at a man with no shirt on is seen as funny. As are adverts that depict men as halfwits who are incapable of using household appliances, caring for children, etc.

Surely gender equality means that everyone is treated with respect. It seems to me that things have tipped over the other way.

Bellanonna Sun 19-Jun-16 21:57:13

I would never drag my DH along to wait outside changing rooms for me. We would both hate it and I don't usually need another opinion about something as my bum looking big in something would be all too crudely revealed by the changing room mirrors. I'm happy to go with him, though, if he wants me to.

GandTea Sun 19-Jun-16 22:05:20

I would like to agree with you VQ, but I don't think most men are that bothered about equality.
As I get older I enjoy my wife's company more and more, I enjoy sharing life with her, if that means sitting in M&Co occasionally, so be it. She comes to watch my ukulele concerts and I appreciate that.

Sex objects --- If women want to look sexy, I'll enjoy it, if men want to look sexy I'll let Mrs P enjoy it, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Vive la difference.

At the end of the day we cuddle up and dream of ?????????

Christinefrance Sun 19-Jun-16 22:06:49

Yes I agree , the pendulum has swung the other way now. As you say a lot of things in the media would not be tolerated if they disrespected women. The Loose Women on daytime TV are a prime example of this. I don't watch any more. I know people will say that now men know how women felt but surely we should not follow suit.

Luckygirl Sun 19-Jun-16 22:23:36

I have always felt sorry for men - who would choose to look that comic in the nude?! grin

rosesarered Sun 19-Jun-16 22:26:56

Hanging around womens changing rooms waiting for their wives......amazed that any men will do this.DH is the last person I want along on a clothes shopping expedition.He has no idea about these things and would be very bored anyway.Nor does he expect me to go with him to buy his clothes.Ideally I go shopping with a friend but am happy to go myself,with no men in sight to cramp our style. grin

GrandmaKT Sun 19-Jun-16 22:27:36

Yes, I agree - there are often things on TV that make me rather uncomfortable on behalf of men. For example on X factor/BGT female judges (and David Walliams camping it up)drool over young male contestants and make quite crude comments that just would not be tolerated if directed at young girls.

rosesarered Sun 19-Jun-16 22:27:56

Luckygirl ! grin have often thought that myself.

GandTea Sun 19-Jun-16 22:31:21

LG, you are no help grin

rosesarered Sun 19-Jun-16 22:31:34

But haven't men been depicted like that for ages ( not a new thing) remember The Last Of The Summer Wine?Also in ads, men are depicted as idiots ( the Plumbs loose covers ad?) Men must be fed up of it I guess.

GandTea Sun 19-Jun-16 22:34:14

A ladies clothes shop near us had a male manager, he appreciated the problem. He provided a table and some chairs away from the changing rooms, along with free coffee and men's magazines (NO, not playboy).

GandTea Sun 19-Jun-16 22:38:24

Men can accept that type of comic stereo typing, they accept it in good humour. Just listen to men's banter and you will here similar humour.
The only thing that gets my goat are some of the more extreme feminists whose view make me cringe.

Jomarie Sun 19-Jun-16 23:21:59

I remember complaining to my mother about having to have periods - it's not fair etc. = and she said that she thought it was better being a woman having a period for a week once a month than having to shave EVERY DAY. That was at a time when beards were definitely a no no unless you were a sailor just come ashore. Sorry if this is a little off the point grin

grannyqueenie Sun 19-Jun-16 23:23:26

luckygirl ha ha that put a smile on my face!

LullyDully Mon 20-Jun-16 08:32:58

I am all for equality...of course. I can remember in the 60s things we took for.granted when we were younger. My father had a string of sexist, yet kindly jokesnagainst women which would make us cringe today.

I however hate the way the tables have turned and men are patronised in adverts.for being useless and having smart, smug female partners. Just look at that fool of a dad in the Oxford Reading tree. Most books end with".Oh Dad!" as he has done something daft.

GandTea Mon 20-Jun-16 08:55:10

I am confused by many of the comments, just so not used to them smile. However, I can't say that I have notice being patronised in adverts etc. Must be thick skinned or thick.

NanaandGrampy Mon 20-Jun-16 08:58:09

Luckygirl never a truer word !!

But my question is why would you take your husband clothes shopping anyway? I love mine dearly but him saying 'yes that looks nice' is no indication that it does.

We go shopping together often but if I'm seriously clothes shopping Id go with one of my daughters. Grampy has even opted out of my twice yearly shopping trips with our Granddaughter ( aged 9) because he's bored rigid.

Better he stays home , or goes off to do his own thing than sits outside the changing room endlessly.

Mildred Mon 20-Jun-16 09:08:06

I went shopping with my daughter to Topshop in Manchester and outside the waiting room were young men looking bored waiting for their girlfriends, I was quite surprised as Topshop is not where I normally shop so I did wonder if Man U or City had been playing would they be there.

GandTea Mon 20-Jun-16 09:08:38

"Why would you take your husband shopping"

Because I am the one who drives, and we live 10 miles from the nearest dress shop.

I usually wander off around the shops that interest me, then get a coffee until Mrs P is done. Although if I meet her in M&Co, she will ask my opinion on some things, as I do about things I buy (what do you think of this ukulele dear, beautiful isn't it, and a bargain at £500)

Teetime Mon 20-Jun-16 09:14:46

Generally no I don't feel sorry for men except of course for the poor souls who do not have a nice woman to keep them on the right track, clean and tidy etc. The balance is still very much tipped in favour pf men in our world I think. As for clothes shopping DH never/rarely came with me when I worked but now we are retired and he has a bit more time on his hands he might occasionally come (although I do most things on line) and he will wander off to book shops etc and I ring his mobile when I want him to come back. The only time I really seek and opinion is if something is expensive and then I just want him to encourage me to splurge - he's not very good at this bit.

PS I like men's bodies I don't think they look comical - unless the have breasts and a beer belly.

Marmark1 Mon 20-Jun-16 09:17:08

I'v said that for ages.True equality is treating everyone the same irrespective of age race or gender.Those extreme feminist,GrandTea get a lot of people's goat.Hope I never meet one,bound to end up with me eye in a sling.

NanaandGrampy Mon 20-Jun-16 09:19:03

ah that's different though Gandtea isn't it...you might take her but she does her own thing. So you're not generally looking forlorn outside the changing rooms.

We definitely ask each others opinions but we agreed many, many years ago- its just an opinion ;-) Do you get the £500 ukulele thing past Mrs P often? smile

Teetime that sounds more like us - we go together, split up to do our own thing and then text to meet up for coffee and cake smile

GandTea Mon 20-Jun-16 09:30:50

Do I get a £500 uku past her, depends how many brownie points I have amassed, so far 4 times.

The reason I like M&Co, is that I don't have to look forlorn, they have an area to sit in, comfortable chairs and some magazines.

The shops I like :-
Pound shops
Charity shops for books
Music shops
Hardware stores
Model shops
Outdoor shops
Garden shops
Pawn brokers/cash x change

NanaandGrampy Mon 20-Jun-16 09:36:54

{smile] you HAVE been good Gandtea

I love your list !!

My favourite shops :-

Craft shops
Clothes shops
Pound shops
Book shops
Coffee shops
Homeware shops

trisher Mon 20-Jun-16 09:59:25

I really dislike the assumptions made by this thread, especially the idea that women must like shopping and drag men along with them. I hate shopping and can think of a dozen things I would rather do. And most of the young women I know now shop on-line. Yes there probably are women who shop and drag men along with them, but this is not necessarily 'typical' women's behaviour. The great thing about equality is it gives us all choices and I have no doubt there are men who will spend hours searching for the right shirt or jacket just as women search for a dress.
As far as the accompanying goes, how many women have stood freezing on the edge of a field watching their man chase some sort of ball?
Equality means people are free to develop all sides of their personality without having to think if it is suitable behaviour for their sex. So yes there are women who will objectify men, and vice versa. The time this becomes unacceptable is when the person being objectified is regarded as inferior and has no means of countering this.