estranged children

Dear tracyb I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Is it possible for you to write to your daughter to try to set things straight? If you can do this in a measured way, without resorting to the spitefulness you feel her father has exercised, she may begin to discern where the truth lies.

In my own experience, even though my ex had an affair and left, my children were incredibly loyal to him, even though they hated what he had done. I did not speak ill of him to them -they made up their own minds over time. I answered their questions truthfully when asked and as calmly as I could and I did not put them in a position of having to take sides.

This does not seem to be the case with your husband and this seems incredibly unjust. However, if you feel strong enough to speak up for yourself, try to avoid being overly critical of him, rather focus on your sense of sadness and confusion at the distance that has grown between you. Perhaps if you can do this in writing you will be more likely to say all that you feel needs to be said and your daughter will then have time to process it all - in her own time. Do you think she might then pass on information to your sons?

I can only begin to imagine your pain at losing your sense of relationship with your grandchildren and it seems only fair that your children should consider things from your side.

If you do decide to write, you may want to draft and redraft a letter over many days to ensure that it focusses on leaving the way open for rebuilding with you, rather than recriminations about what is past.

I know this will not be easy, but I hope it helps.
hugs x

Personally at this point I would focus on finding out what it is that your children have been told about you that made them cut off all ties with you. It's a pretty drastical thing to do for no good reason. I wouldn't try to see them until you know what you are dealing with. Once you have that information you can move forward and can prepare for any meeting. Good luck.

I'm afraid I can't see the upcoming court case doing anything to mend bridges (tracy's other thread), if anything it'll just exacerbate the situation. I'm sorry.

Thank you all. It's so hard.
Imlucky I still have my youngest son and his 2 children to stop me sinking to the bottom.
Imperfect 27 I will digest your points and consider where to even begin but thank you.

Sorry if /I seem to have waded in inappropriately - I didn't know of any other post / circumstances. Take care and I hope there is a positive outcome beyond this point of pain