LONELY

So sorry to hear this j00Is. Everything sounds very miserable for you at present. You sound like you have pretty depressing financial problems and I know it can seem hard to see beyond them. No easy answers. The old suggestions like, one day at a time, enjoying small things , exercise etc can be hard to swallow and sound so pat but nevertheless have more than a grain of truth in them. Can you focus not on what you can't have but on what you can? I mean are there any free activities going on near you? Taking the plunge to join a group is scary but the sheer distraction of it can help. Do you have a bus pass? Do you have buses I should say! but seriously you could try going on days out for as little £ as possible. I always found that a just plain change of scene could have a great effect on my mood. Lots of helpful Grans on here happy to support you. You are not alone. Good Luck. This too shall pass -that's kept me going through some dark times!

I too send sympathy, j00ls there are a few of us on GN who have had similar experiences. You have had some hard knocks and seeing your DHS knocked back takes its toll on you. It sounds as if you are in work, though, and I hope that gives you some respite. As for the others going on about "bathrooms, holidays and cars" etc, been there too. You do have the option of saying (pleasantly) that you do not begrudge them, but at the moment it is hard for you because of your personal situation . Because you are coping so well on the surface, they may not realise that they are being very tactless. Or you could take a sandwich and a library book off to a quiet corner and leave them to it. Believe me when I say you are not alone and keeping it to yourself to spare your DH may be the last straw. I have no easy solution, but if you can put one foot in front of the other, there are things to do which are cheap/free, but I also understand that when it is a necessity, they don't seem so appealing.
It can make a difference how you view things, if you were saving for some glam holiday, shopping in charity shops would probably not depress you. If debts are weighing too heavily on your mind, though, have you been to CAB to discuss a management plan? Being proactive may help you to feel more in control too.
Do keep posting, GN is free, fortunately and there will be others who can support you and, perhaps have some useful suggestions.

Thanks for replying
My husband's job means that he leaves usually in the early hours and doesn't get back until late so I feel that I can't go out in the evenings and let him come home to an empty house and anyway the last bus in my town is at 1800 which is rubbish. I can't invite people to my house we leave in a terrace so some my husband's work stuff is stored in our living room which also gets me down. I am working in the NHS so it's stressful at work and I don't have the option of taking myself away, I dread Monday's because everyone seems to have been shopping, out for meals, away for the weekend - so much so that I've begun to make up trips out and meals etc which is PATHETIC at my age. Nothing good seems to happen, our fridge/freezer is broken, our oven is broken, we can't afford replacements so my husband tries to mend them. I sound like a whiny misery but that really isn't me and I HATE myself.

So sorry you are having such a hard time. But you do sound as if you are someone with determination to see this bad patch through.

Coming on to GNs provides lots of interesting topics, some funny ( some funny, but probably not meant to be!), some points other people make are certainly thought provoking and some of the advice is really useful.

I can't offer a solution, but hopefully your life will improve soon. Lighter evenings might help when your on your own. x

j001 I'm so sorry to hear how unhappy you are feeling at the moment. I know how miserable it can be to have to listen to work colleagues going on about their lovely holidays, home improvements, etc. As an only child myself, I know it can sometimes feel like there is no-one close to turn to when you're feeling down - I realise you don't want to distress your husband.

There are no easy answers but perhaps the suggestions on here re free activities, getting out of the house on a nice day - even if only for a brisk walk - may help. If your husband feels well enough to accompany you, all the better.

On the more practical side, have you had advice as to how to manage your debts? There are voluntary organisations that assist with writing to companies to extend repayment periods, get debts reduced, etc.

I do hope you are soon feeling better.

j00ls, probably some of us have been in the same situation as you, no comfort to you but it does mean we understand and you can talk on here. I agree with trying to appreciate what you do have and not dwell on what you don't have. Spring is coming and walking is free.
For you

jools have you ever thought that maybe some of your work colleagues may be making up their week-end activities also ? if you think about it not everyone we know can afford to go out socialising on a regular basis and a lot of it is wishful thinking I'm sure.
A good friend of mine had her bills looked at with AgeUK and they reduced her payments dramatically giving her breathing room and taking pressure off her & her hubby so it is worth while going don't be affraid to go they see the problem all the time.
Do you see your son on a regular basis? do you have DGCs you may be able to take them out to the park etc depending if they live near you,you get to meet all sorts of new people when you have children with you.
Summer nights are coming in soon so get out for even 1/2 hr after you get home from work and have a walk in your area,say hello to neighbours and go from there.

j001 just want to say "hello" and keep posting...keep chatting.

Good afternoon jools and welcome to this forum which is a huge source of support, energy, humour and sympathy. May I suggest that your first step is some financial advice? It seems ridiculous that you are both working long hours and yet are in this situation. Taking charge may make you feel better in yourself too. On a practical level, and I hope I am not offending you or making it worse, but have you tried looking at your local village web page or freecycle? There are sometimes ovens/fridge freezers up for grabs for next to nothing as people move to houses with fitted appliances. What about moving your DH work stuff and bits upstairs to a spare bedroom if you have one? I lived in amongst boxes of stuff with a make shift kitchen while we were
smashing the hell out of updating our house and even though I knew it was temporary, it got me down sitting in amongst it all every night, not restful after a day at work, and with the stressful environment of NHS it must be even worse. A cleared room to come home to and sit in while you have a cup of tea will be a start. I hope I haven't come across as patronising in any way, you do sound at the end of your tether, offload here as much as you like, and do contact a debt advice charity such as CAB or www.debtadvicefoundation.org or www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk.

jools I'm really sorry you are having such a bad time. Sometimes we get so low that we cant help ourselves out of the situation and need some professional help. Have you seen your GP. He may be able to offer some support- its worth a try. Until then keep chatting away to us on here and don't ever think you are on your own - you have us .

jools sorry to hear how tough life feels for you at the moment. Be reassured loads of us have been in that place and come through the other side stronger.
I am not religious but as it is Lent at the moment..so you could say you have given up paying for entertainment/spending and this Lent you are looking for free ways to fill your weekends & eating from the freezer! Then you can do it..Library will have notices of events/meetings/groups/activities that maybe you could go to that will be free or nominal cost. Maybe you could challenge your colleagues to do the same!
keep posting and chatting on here.

Nothing to add really to the good advice above but I really hope things get easier for you and your husband.xx

jools i have a new bathroom and kitchen and don't have the money worries you do but...... I too have really bad worries with family. Things that money can't help. You can have as much money as you like but it doesn't help when your family has stress and anxiety. My heart goes out to you. Life seems so hard at the moment but perhaps these people who you think are having such a good time are struggling with other worries too.

Could you go and talk to someone about your debts. Others on GN will give you good advice. There are lods of people here you can talk too and get support from ((hugs))

What Crafting has just posted is so true , we never know what goes on behind other's doors. Most of us have problems and yours are acute at the moment and you can't see a way out. I hope that things improve for you. Not much help I know but keep your spirits, and those of your DH,high.

Have you joined your local Freecycle? That could solve some of your broken white goods issues.

Hi, jools. How are you feeling today? Hope you're not at work so you can have a leisurely start to the day. Whatevers going on have a nice weekend !

jools, whereabouts in the country are you? There may be some GNers nearby who you could arrange to meet up with for a chat.

j00ls312 You've already taken a small step forward by sharing on Gransnet - good for you. I like the suggestion from Pitcity why don't you chum up for a coffee with a local Gransnetter. You're probably shattered when you come home from work and like someone else said one small step at a time.