Getting my affairs in order

NanKate that is exactly what DH and I have been discussing recently. We are going to book an appointment with a local undertaker to discuss arrangements and organise a funeral plan. In many ways I am dreading it as it is acknowledging our mortality but it needs to be done. I think that even worse will be letting the children know that the arrangements are in place. I remember being very upset when my mum and dad discussed the issue with me.

Now you have started me thinking about my favourite hymns.

My mum has bought a Funeral Plan. She did it through Age UK.

I have a copy of it so that when the time comes all I have to do is contact this particular funeral director and they'll do the rest. The only thing left to pay for will be flowers.

She paid around £3000 last year. Her friend bought one several years ago and only paid around £900. Funerals are definitely becoming more and more expensive.

I do not want any fuss at all. I have told my DD that I just want to be taken to the crematorion with them attending although I do want a Minister at mine.DH doesn't. I have listened to too many eulogies and wondered who was being talked about and attended the "and afterwards" where after a very short time everyone is laughing and joking that I know it isn't what I want. I of course do not include a funeral for young people and premature deaths but we are very long in the tooth now and that has been my recent experience.

My parents bought funeral plans and it saved a lot of extra hassle for me when they died, so I intend to do the same.
I've already done LPAs and left instructions for my dc. I've got all my paperwork filed and marked, it's just a waiting game now!

Mum had one, it made the whole process much easier. The benefits aren't just financial. I went with mum to arrange hers about 3 yrs before she passed away. She was able to say how she wanted things. She chose her wicker coffin etc. I was grateful she made the decisions, as although she always said "put me in a cardboard box and bury me at the bottom of the garden" I'm not sure I would have chosen wicker. We chose the hymn together too.

DH and I have agreed we are going to get both of ours sorted. We have also talked about LPA for each of us.

My DH shocked me rather when he announces a couple of months ago that he had decided that he was going to leave his body to medical science. He contacted the nearest medical school who sent him the releveant forms and he signed and sent them back. He has stipulated that he does not want any form of service or memorial or wake. Just to slip away with no fuss. I have promised that I will abide by his wishes.

For myself, I want a green burial with no gravestone and in a wicker coffin covered with spring or wild flowers- depending on the season. I do want a gathering of my friends and loved ones to have a drink on me and to say farewell. No religious service or celebrant though. I have told DH and DD and DS and they have agreed to follow my wishes.

Gagagran, we have done the same as your DH.

I agree annsixty re eulogies. Fact and fantasy are beginning to become blurred.

I have told my DD that when the time comes, she is to have me cremated, and to scatter my ashes on flowing water. I DO NOT want a burial. DH has no choice in the matter. His family has a plot in the cemetery with spaces for himself an both his sisters, all provided by his late grandfather.
I have had my will prepared and lodged with the solicitor for a couple of years now.

Gagagran my father left his body to medical science and also requested "no funeral or other service" when he died over 40 years ago. Although we all respected his wishes I firmly believe that this was the main reason that my mother had such trouble accepting his death and never really got past grieving for him. At least some sort of "goodbye" ceremony does (and I apologise for the phrase as it's one I dislike) give closure

That's what my DDiL said too yogagran but she also said that we can decide to do something within the family to obviate that aspect. Anyway I might be off first in which case it won't be me to decide!

While you are sorting out funeral arrangements why not check your will is up to date and you have LPAs for your finances and your health?

Yes we have got up to date wills and Powers of Attorney in place. In fact I am sounding as if I'm ready for the off aren't I? But I'm not!

I've just turned 50 and have been looking at the 50+ plans but they only go up to around 80 years old. I would be standing on the kerb edge, waiting for the bus to throw myself under if I reached 79 and 364 days! Have any of you got one of these policies or are they different ones to these that you are talking about?

My son turns 18 in May and so I would be able to leave all arrangements to him from then on so it will need to be dealt with this next year.

What with downsizing, decluttering, funeral planning and power of attorney, etc. I think it would be simpler not to die. That's my plan!

We have everything sorted now,we are donating to Science as are a few of my other GNers and it will include a short Memorial at our Church,we decided years ago no one was going to profit vastly from our demise and stuck to the plan.
rockgran I could certainly go with your plan though

I have got a 'thing' about not many people being at my funeral. How ridiculous is that? I know a lot of people, but my daughter (our only child) doesn't know any of my friends. So along with our wills and details of bank accounts etc I have left a list of people to be contacted so that I don't have a Billy No Mates funeral Like I am going to know anything about it!

I don't want anyone at my funeral - in fact I don't want a funeral!

But I do understand, for the sake of my nearest and dearest, the need for 'a send-off' of some sorts, so my plan is to be cremated with no service followed a few weeks later by a get-together when my ashes can be put somewhere in the local crematorium gardens.

I do not like funeral plans you can end up with not enough to cover the funeral and some of the people selling them do it only for the comission. Some taken out years ago will have been less expensive but might not be sufficient . We contacted a financial advisor and he dropped us when I made my views known on the subject. I am having a burial for really closed family member only and a piper to play me away . I have asked the family do do a short piece each perhaps a poem ( daught says she will do Pam Ayres "OH I wish I'd looked after my teeth" .I hate to think of peole felling they had to attend a funeral and turning up for my family's sake and not because they cared about me .

i hate the thought of dying,,,scares me terrably, i think about it all the time, i think of what will happen to all my lovely things that mean so much to me, it will all get chucked away,,,,i have already been told by one of my kids i dont want anything !!!!......the other one doesnt say anything,,,,,she just said im dreading it when you go,,,and dont tell me to befreinds with her cos im not going to,,,,,,,i want to be as far away as possable. i think i would like to die in my sleep,,,that makes me afraid to go to sleep sometimes, any ache or pain i think here we go this is it,,,i start having a panic attack, i try not to think about it all, i think i would like to be buried,,,,but one d said,,,oh that means that we will have to keep going to keep the grave tidy,,,!!!!! maybe i should go abroad and pass away that way they wont know where i am,,,,and aparently you get buried next day due to the heat,,,,,yessssssss.

I'm not afraid of being dead because either I will no longer exist or I'll be telling God what a surprise he is and how sorry I am that I didn't actually pay much attention to him when I was alive. Oh and that my threat to get his kid even if he had all his mates with him was said when the balance of my mind was disturbed lol.

It's the process that bothers me. I don't mind if I go suddenly but I don't want to suffer or have a dragged out death.

angie, please try not to panic! Your lovely things are important to you, so enjoy them while you can. Perhaps you could make a list of who would like what when you're gone and make a Will - that would make you feel more in control.

The thought of dying is scary to most of us, you're not alone!

I am not afraid of dying I will just be so annoyed with what I will be missing and not know how things turn out!!

Sometimes I think it would be nice to just not wake up in the morning.