Getting my affairs in order

I worry about the financial stuff if DH goes first. He's always looked after us well in that respect and I've mostly left the long term stuff up to him. On a few occasions I've made him sit down and explain it all to me but he runs out of patience before I've got to grips with it all. Luckily my DD is an accountant so I'm hoping she'll be able to sort it out if the time comes.

This is most helpful, thanks.

I work for an undertaker. A lot of funeral plans cover the cost of the actual funeral but not things like service sheets, catering, headstone etc which can come to quite a lot if you have them. . Also some plans are for a fixed amount, which may not be enough, and others cover the cost of specific parts of the funeral based on today's cost, and guarrantee to cover those items whatever they cost in the future.
Quoted undertaker's fees vary as to what they include, most cover standard coffin, hearse, and bearers, but some of the apparently cheap ones charge extra for these items! Also, when an undertaker quotes his fee, it does not include what they call 'disbursements' which are things that they might arrange for you but are provided by others eg the cost of burial (cemetery fees, grave digger) or cremation, either of which cost about £650-£900, limousines to transport mourners - up to £200 each, notices in paper, flowers, service sheets, celebrant, music/visual display catering, etc. I was shocked to discover that if you have a Cof E church service there is also the local minister fee, and a pcc and a diocesan fee, total about £400. To be buried in a church graveyard you have to pay for the plot and a gravedigger as above, and to bury cremated remains there is also a fee of several hundred pounds. Church Organ and bells extra. Did you know they ring one toll of the bell for every year of life? Green burials may be cheaper, there is no obligation to have a coffin (just a shroud) for a burial but you still pay for the plot.
I have started writing my own service with a view to getting it printed in advance, someone will have to write the date of my passing on by hand!

My father wrote his will 2 years before he died, leaving everything to me and my sister, who lives in USA. However when he was ill in hospital with cancer and on morphine and totally deaf, a new solicitor visited him and persuaded him to change the will completely leaving an equal share to his 7 children...from 2 marriages. This has created a nightmare for me 2 years on as he stipulated only I had access to his 3 storey home. Clearing it has been awful as he was ' a collector'. I don't want this to happen to me but don't know how to prevent it. I can't see how it's acceptable when my father's original will, written while he was in good health, excluded his second family who didn't visit him in over 10 years.

My dad had prepaid his funeral and left instructions as to what music he wanted etc. It made it all so much easier for us his children to sort things out.
We keep talking about doing it as the prices are rising rapidly. Don't want our children to be left with a hefty bill.

I managed to do LPA myself but was tricky, pleasure to forward a copy if you would like!

We prepaid my parent's funerals as they both had dementia but had sufficient funds to enable us to do it before they passed away. My mum had occasionally talked about where she wanted her ashes to be placed so we were able to do that and put my dad's with her as he'd always said he didn't care - we had to leave his with the undertaker for 2 years as he went first which didn't seem quite right. We updated our wills 4 years ago and the solicitor mentioned doing LPA's but the cost seemed very high and neither of us has done a funeral plan. It's just another of those things we need to get round to 'sigh'

It's ok. I've found it.

Age Concern does a free Lifebook. It has pages for details, names, numbers of doctor, dentist and other useful people plus next of kin. There is section for funeral preferences. It also has space for where important documents are kept. I frequently mislay or forget phone numbers and paperwork.

It sounded lovely didn't it stansgran
DH is agnostic and I think would like a woodland burial with humanist speaker
I'd like same but with clergyman
And a lovely,jolly bash after, with everyone reminiscing and having champagne on me (this is assuming there are friends left, as I intend to live to 90 , dropping dead fully compos mentis with a drink in one hand and chocolate in the other, my last words being 'what a blast')
I would not ask my daughters to do a reading-I could never have done so at either of my parents funerals as I was too emotional,though DH, who has a lovely speaking voice, did it for me.I expect them to be sobbing heaps and wearing deepest black.None if this 'bright colours'for me .Have already listed my hymns and music ...And stipulated hand -tied garden flowers only .I hate wreaths
About to redo our wills and sort out LPA so will have that discussion after-might have a boozy lunch !We may as well get confronting our own mortality over with in one go
And I am doing the minimising and decluttering now (I'm only 65 btw)

stansgran what section was that in? I can't find it. Thanks

I hope you do Stansgran.
I have posted twice on this thread and my views have not changed.
I was with a friend recently whose H has suddenly decided he wants to be buried. He is not a church goer and he rang the vicar who told him he needed to go and see him as space is very limited.
Hr hasn't been and it is causing my friend some distress as she doesn't want to go against his wishes.
I told her to do want she wants if he goes first

I read Hunter Davies today in the Times about his wife's funeral and have decided to keep the article. I've said t o DH that it is a good idea to say what we want for a funeral before it becomes emotional. We are 70ish and intend to have another 20years.

I believe it's important to discuss your funeral plans with whoever is going to organise it. My parents were skilled at avoiding reality but eventually agreed to make wills. Dad designated which of his children had which responsibility and their (small) estate was split between us. Mum followed this plan. It was such a help as we dealt with the emotional and practical aftermath of their deaths.

I have just done an up to date will. It contains all instructions I want to happen. My husband mother and father all passed without making a will and being an only child I was left to clear up everything.
Burial, probate, selling of homes and the clearing out of the homes.

It was all hard work.

I have two sons, and I have left full instructions for them, all in the will. I am also trying to keep drawers and cupboards tidy , and getting rid of things I dont use now while I still have wits about me

I've donated my body to science. The family can have the body back after 3 years ( if they want) to have a funeral. My Daughter said she won't bother lol.

angie - I think it is natural as we get older to think more about death - it would be a bit odd if we didn't. But it is unhelpful to dwell on it as you are doing and a bit of help from the doc might relieve some of that excessive anxiety.

I do not have a funeral plan, but we have details of what we would like to be done filed along with our wills.

I have one fear - and that is dying a slow painful death (but I do not dwell on it); and one regret - that I will not see how my DGC turn out as adults.

Cheeky person!!

Irresistible (not)
Curbing my enthusiasm.

Reported. Several threads used.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

We are going to sort out an LPA (once we can get around to reading all the bumph), but could not face organising my funeral, however inevitable it is.

It worries me that Mrs. P does not wish to be cremated, grave space in our village is very limited. As far as I'm concerned, if any bit of me could be used for some useful purpose, I would be very pleased.

I have instructed my husband to tell you all when I pop my clogs.

I got a message over the summer off a friend by text saying that another friend had died. I facebooked his wife, offering condolences and she messaged me back saying it was the father who had died, not her husband and my friend. I felt awful, although very relieved he was ok.

One thing not to forget is how to notify all your e-friends if you shuffle up your mortal coil. I've written a brief upbeat explanatory note and sent it to my son to forward when the time comes, together with a list of e-mail addresses. Sometimes on Facebook (haven't witnessed it on here) someone will find out a friend has departed and write on the departed's spouse's wall, probably restart the grieving process all over again.