Throughout my adult life I have been something of a loner.
I was married for 25 years (first 9 years living together before marrying) and we raised two daughters and then I had a second longterm relationship where we lived apart but shared good times and lovely cosy domesticity, mostly at weekends.
But neither my husband nor my second partner shared my interests. For a lot of the time I was friendly with neighbours and work colleagues but never felt that I made any close friendships. So I have pursued on my own any interests I have had.
I am now on my own. For very good reasons I am estranged from all of my family, including my two adult daughters, one of whom I know has two daughters of her own, my granddaughters.
Please respect me when I say that I do not expect this situation to change and I do not feel bad about it. As I say, this situation exists for very good reasons.
Now retired, I am on a low income, but more relaxed and able to pursue interests of my own, and am perhaps happier, more contented, whatever, than I have ever been before, despite a couple of spells of ill health in the last 4 years.
But growing older, being retired and living alone, I find I spend several days in the week/at the weekend without speaking to anyone, although paradoxically I am, for the first time since I was a teenager (when for two years I was part of a happy group of other teenagers) building a social life - once a week meeting two members of one choir for coffee, once a week, going for a drink after a second choir with four or five other members, and sometimes having additional meetings at events. All enjoyable, all quite relaxed.
So I am on the verge of phoning Silver Line to say "I am lonely" but do not think I am quite at that point yet. I am not housebound. I am feeling fit and healthy. But I struggle to fill days, especially weekends, with meaningful activities that stop me feeling lonely.
Is there anyone out there with similar experiences? I would feel less alone if I knew other people who are experiencing this kind of social isolation.
I can see that you might think I have Aspergers - I don't think so, although I acknowledge I may be on the edge of the spectrum (at its mildest). More significantly, I recognise that, as a child, I grew up in a sad, mildly-dysfunctional family and did not learn many basic social skills.
I have also, as a result of aforesaid mildly dysfunctional family experiences, tended to relate to miserable and mildly-dysfunctional people/partners - how sad. I have moved away from this in recent years, but its still not easy to change .
So, is there anyone one out there who can raise a laugh with me about the awful times, and build on the good times?
"welcome" good to have you on board What was your happiest moment today?
Young people ‘expected’ to engage with government's new work support plans.
