Stag/hen parties.

Sometimes it seems to me as if the whole wedding thing has developed out of all proportion. Thousands and thousands on stag / hen nights, dresses, venues, decorations etc etc. I know of at least three couples who have split up within months of the wedding (after living together for some time before) and ended up with huge credit card debts to pay off after their separation. What happened to modest, family weddings?

I can't grasp the sense in spending £20,000 on a wedding, especially when young people already have so many debts after university, and are struggling to get on the housing ladder. My daughters have been on several expensive hen do's, one of which was in Italy, before the wedding took place there, then they came back and did it all again in this country for those relatives who couldn't make it there!

At the other extreme, a young couple my children know got married on a beach in Bali, on their own, with a waiter and housemaid for their witnesses, and broke her mother's heart. Every time I see her she gets the photos out to show me the two strangers who shared her precious daughter's special day.

I know it's their choice how they get married, and I have quite a jaundiced view of marriage having seen so many relationships collapse, but do they not realise it's a money-making exercise and all this frippery really doesn't matter?

I don't recall any of my contemporaries having hen nights when we were in our twenties, but stag nights were fairly common. Now these elaborate parties for both bride and groom – often in Prague or other foreign parts – seem almost obligatory. That plus the cost of being "the princess for a day" strikes me as absurd. You can still have a lovely celebration (and a pretty dress) with family and close friends without spending a small fortune. Why does everyone want to be the Beckhams these days? Pshaw!

Bah Humbug!!!! More money than sense I think!!!
Well I am entitled to my opinion!

Totally agree about the money spent etc - I had no hen party and my husband went out for a quiet drink with his best friend and best man. Many of these stag/ hen do's seem to be months in advance of the wedding too.
The other thing that gets me is this going away for 30/40/50 birthdays etc - same thing applies there about asking people to spend all the money and also maybe go to a place they don't neccessarily want to visit. I think there is a lot to be said with a nice party/ meal with friends and family who really mean something to you.

Maybe we are getting old.....but I agree with all you have said, it is a complete waste of money, I didn't have a hen 'do' before my wedding.....many years ago, I think my husband may have gone out for a drink with his best man in their local.

We then had a quiet register office ceremony and then back to my in-laws house for a buffet and a few drinks. My new husband and I went out for a posh meal in the evening and back to our new home. We wanted to spend money on that instead of on people that we hardly ever saw, or even hardly knew.....which might seem a bit mean, but when money is tight you need to get your priorities right. Our 'honeymoon' was spent decorating the house.

I know it's synical but when so many marriages end in divorce it seems completely mad to spend in excess of £15,000 on a wedding then split up a few years later. I know, I know they think it will last forever!

As for the hen/stag 'do', why do so many young people have to drink themselves into oblivion?

I didn't have a hen party and DH didn't have a stag party. I don't recall my friends having them either. A waste of time and money - and not good for the health! It's like the latest fad of having Baby Showers!

I totally agree with you all. The most lavish one I know of was one DS2 went on a year or so ago - to Las Vegas! Quite apart from the expense, he said that for four days it was ridiculous. No sooner there and over the jet lag, them it was time to come back.

And I do love the family get togethers we have for significant birthdays and anniversaries - wouldn't have it any other way.

I also agree with you all. One of the most memorable weddings I have attended was a simple ceremony for close family and friends only, followed by a meal in the village hall supplied by the local fish and chip shop. The bride wore a pretty chain store dress and still says what a memorable day it was, because it was the marriage that was important, not the wedding.

goldengirl The latest fad isn't baby showers, it's baby gender parties where the parents announce to assembled family and friends whether the child will be a boy or girl. In some instances in the USA (where else?), the information from the scan is passed directly to a baker (at the parents' request) who makes a cake with either pink or blue sponge and then ices it. Neither guests nor parents know whether the child will be a girl or boy until the cake is cut.

I wouldn't want to be invited to a hen party. The very idea makes my toes curl!

'Hen' night is a horrible description but I suppose it aptly describes some of the parties you hear about!
D2 was married in Sydney and because people travelled from all over the world, she chartered a boat in Sydney Harbour for a 'ladies' afternoon and very civilised it was too - swimming and a BBQ. D1 had a small supper party in a bistro for her pals (and Mums) and D3 rented a small house in the Cotswold Water Park for a weekend with a few friends and Mums. The cost was shared between all the participants on each occasion. I, on the other hand did nothing - just turned up at the Registry Office at the appropriate time. I think there are hen parties and then again, hen parties - I know what kind I would prefer- not a tiara or set of wings in sight . We set a limit for each wedding and if the limit was breached, then the cost was to be taken up by them - it didn't happen! None of our daughters had parties for their 18th/21st birthdays, so I didn't begrudge them the wedding each of them wanted. We told them that if they go around again - they will be on their own

I absolutely agree with you Shysal, the best weddings I have been to have been the low key or home made events - and the divorce rate among the people, both my generation and my children's, who had these weddings seems to be a lot lower than average as well.

Agree with most of you - the whole wedding charabang has gone crazy/stupid and just a fashion show - and the very worst of 'keeping up with the Beckhams'. The money spent is just crazy - and parents feel under such pressure to provide, and often see their very carefully put aside for retirement savings just disappear in one day. The true message and commitment of marriage is hidden far far behind the venue and dress.

These stag dos are ridiculously expensive and give Britain such a bad reputation all over the world. Most European towns are disgusted with the drunken, loutish and totally disgraceful behaviour displayed.

Gally Your comment about 18th/21st birthdays reminds me of my gripe about the fact that instead of the 18th celebration replacing the 21st, they have expensive presents and parties on both, expecting parents to fork out of course!

This is a sensitive subject.

Am less than two weeks away from the wedding!

Am feeling the pain.

Just to know how to respond for the best - yours, or your son's/daughter's??

Oh thanks granjura - my youngest son's wedding. I am organising it!

How very brave of you Butternut.

Have fun - enjoy. Our first daughter and sil asked me to organise their wedding as they were working abroad, but I did stick to their requirements and wishes. It was fabulous.

Second daughter asked me to help her- so I did. Totally different wedding, but wonderful too.

Sure it will all go swimmingly.

Butter You are a star! Heartiest congratulations to you for taking on such a mammoth task. I'm sure that the special day will be just that - [cupcakes]

Thanks, I hope so too!

We are willing it to go well, butty, after all your hard work!

Lots of things like this grew up in the boom years that we have recently lived through. Disposable income and if not, credit card bills.
It is pretty alien to our generation who only had "big weddings" if parents could afford them.
Good luck butternut