Stag/hen parties.

specki how miserable and boastful of him. Families can be such minefields!

When my youngest DS got engaged, the bride to be's parents muscled in straight away. Daddy had been saving for this event and no one was going to upstage his largesse. I asked what we could do and we were grudgingly allowed to pay for the photography (a four figure sum) and because I like baking, I was allowed to make the bottom two layers of the cake but not the top layer (sponge) nor the icing or decoration. At the sumptuous wedding breakfast, the bride's father, in his speech, took great pains to list precisely the elements that we had paid for.

Needless to say, the marriage is not terribly sound.

No way lynne. It all depends on circumstances. Contribute an appropriate amount, offer to buy her wedding dress or foot the bill for certain parts of the wedding, but unless you're well off, they should expect to pay for what they want. When parents paid for their daughters' weddings years ago, they were nowhere near as lavish and the costs were restricted, but nowadays it's a ridiculous amount to expect parents to find.

Lynne my daughter was in her 30s. We told her what we could contribute to the costs..I wanted to buy her dress... but over and above that we named an amount and they were very pleased we had offered as they were prepared to foot the bill themselves. SiLs family also made similar gestures of financial contribution. As far as I can gather from my DD & her friends that seems to be the norm unless you have hugely rich parents! It meant they could go on a longer honeymoon (holiday as it included their little boy!) rather than just a couple of nights away locally!

Also where do we stand when a daughter is in her 30's but decides to get married.....do the parents still have to foot the bill even though they earn more than me

So much expense for young people who can't afford it....they are usually married themselves and have a young family.....but the mates choose to have the celebrations abroad,they then feel obliged and pressured to go and a great time had by all but they return to the debt.....No one should put friends in that position

Just read back through the thread. Baby gender parties? How awful is that! What if the 'diagnosis' is wrong?????

Not only are the stag/hen parties expensive now but most people I know have two - one away somewhere then another one nearer home for those who can't attend the first one. They tend to be themed so can end up costing a fortune for those attending with outfits etc.

I'm actually going on my nieces 'home hen party' next week, the theme is purple so not too difficult, the away party was in Bath and Bristol and had a 1920's theme but only the youngsters were invited We are just going to an upstairs room in a pub for a few drinks and nibbles with some party games thrown in and no doubt the younger ones will end up out on the town later. It's all good fun really but can cost a lot of money.

Weddings have got crazy! My daughter got married 2 yrs ago having lived with her partner for over 10 years, their son was two. Because most of their close friends had got married before her she said she knew what was important from what she could /could not remember from the weddings: could not remember flowers/ favours/ cake etc. What she did remember was the overall feel of each one & the meal so that directed their celebration... very personal vows /ceremony helped by Humanist celebrant, informal BBQ and lots of fun! No hen /stag other than a night in a local pub!

A ridiculous waste in my opinion. The bride/grooms friends feel obliged to attend whether they can afford it or not. Its blackmail! We had to cough up for a trip to the Carribean for the wedding of one of our kids. Another one cost (bride's parents) £25,000 and eight years later they're talking divorce!

Interesting to compare and contrast with weddings here in rural France. A recent wedding in my village saw the bride and grooms' friends and family gathering in their house two days before the wedding. They all spent a joyous day making white paper flowers, streamers, arches made from evergreens and pine sprigs, decorated with roses. On 'the day' greenery was strewn in the lane leading from the village hall to the church, which had been decorated with simple posies of white flowers. The lady guests just wore their best dresses and the men their smartest trousers with a crisp white shirt. A convoy of cars sounding their horns led the newly weds round the village after the ceremony and the simple meal in the village hall was rounded off at midnight with a firework display. It was all so delightful - and must have cost a tiny fraction of the total spend on a UK wedding.

Lots of things like this grew up in the boom years that we have recently lived through. Disposable income and if not, credit card bills.
It is pretty alien to our generation who only had "big weddings" if parents could afford them.
Good luck butternut

We are willing it to go well, butty, after all your hard work!

Thanks, I hope so too!

Butter You are a star! Heartiest congratulations to you for taking on such a mammoth task. I'm sure that the special day will be just that - [cupcakes]

Have fun - enjoy. Our first daughter and sil asked me to organise their wedding as they were working abroad, but I did stick to their requirements and wishes. It was fabulous.

Second daughter asked me to help her- so I did. Totally different wedding, but wonderful too.

Sure it will all go swimmingly.

How very brave of you Butternut.

Oh thanks granjura - my youngest son's wedding. I am organising it!

Just to know how to respond for the best - yours, or your son's/daughter's??

This is a sensitive subject.

Am less than two weeks away from the wedding!

Am feeling the pain.

Gally Your comment about 18th/21st birthdays reminds me of my gripe about the fact that instead of the 18th celebration replacing the 21st, they have expensive presents and parties on both, expecting parents to fork out of course!

Agree with most of you - the whole wedding charabang has gone crazy/stupid and just a fashion show - and the very worst of 'keeping up with the Beckhams'. The money spent is just crazy - and parents feel under such pressure to provide, and often see their very carefully put aside for retirement savings just disappear in one day. The true message and commitment of marriage is hidden far far behind the venue and dress.

These stag dos are ridiculously expensive and give Britain such a bad reputation all over the world. Most European towns are disgusted with the drunken, loutish and totally disgraceful behaviour displayed.

I absolutely agree with you Shysal, the best weddings I have been to have been the low key or home made events - and the divorce rate among the people, both my generation and my children's, who had these weddings seems to be a lot lower than average as well.

'Hen' night is a horrible description but I suppose it aptly describes some of the parties you hear about!
D2 was married in Sydney and because people travelled from all over the world, she chartered a boat in Sydney Harbour for a 'ladies' afternoon and very civilised it was too - swimming and a BBQ. D1 had a small supper party in a bistro for her pals (and Mums) and D3 rented a small house in the Cotswold Water Park for a weekend with a few friends and Mums. The cost was shared between all the participants on each occasion. I, on the other hand did nothing - just turned up at the Registry Office at the appropriate time. I think there are hen parties and then again, hen parties - I know what kind I would prefer- not a tiara or set of wings in sight . We set a limit for each wedding and if the limit was breached, then the cost was to be taken up by them - it didn't happen! None of our daughters had parties for their 18th/21st birthdays, so I didn't begrudge them the wedding each of them wanted. We told them that if they go around again - they will be on their own

I wouldn't want to be invited to a hen party. The very idea makes my toes curl!

goldengirl The latest fad isn't baby showers, it's baby gender parties where the parents announce to assembled family and friends whether the child will be a boy or girl. In some instances in the USA (where else?), the information from the scan is passed directly to a baker (at the parents' request) who makes a cake with either pink or blue sponge and then ices it. Neither guests nor parents know whether the child will be a girl or boy until the cake is cut.