To stay or go

To be honest I would be wary of leaving your social life - having friends and activities around you is very important and not to be shed lightly.

I'm facing the same choice, and probably will opt for a flat but not the option of leaving friends behind.

But having lived in a flat, choose very carefully re noise, neighbours, sunshine coming in, having a lift, etc. Drive/ask around possible areas. Decide of you want an ordinary flat or supported one which offers future help like cleaning, meals etc.

Moving is so expensive also. Solicitor's Fees, Estate agents fees, removal vans, getting rid of furniture etc. That is simply what would put me off. You move and make lots of people, lots of money and you get lots of stress.

Yes, but atm Allsorts is somewhere she has to have a car and that's not forever. My "future plot" is a particular area where 3/4 friends are just up the road, GP walking distance, shops walking distance.

it did tempt me a bit when family said, come up and live closer, but they are very busy and live out in the sticks. The idea of giving up everything familiar, after much thought, just didn't work for me.

We live in a substantial house but have a second home/holiday let apartment.
The apartment is one of four in a converted chapel.
The annual maintenance covers the structure, window cleaning, cleaning and maintenance of all communal areas including the garden.
It also includes the building and contents insurance.
We love apartment living for its ease, it is a lot cheaper to heat than our home, I have never felt trapped there, it’s a 3 minute walk to shops, restaurants and a cinema.
We are not yet ready to leave our home and social life but I will definitely consider an apartment for our final move.

We went from a very large house and garden to a bungalow and have made lots of new friends as a couple and separately. This move was this year. We still need a car but, when the time comes, we will stay in the area but just go even smaller and nearer to our locals shops. I’m not sure I’d like an apartment but if I were on my own it might prove the best option regarding maintenance issues.

We have the same quandary. Having moved here nearly 10 years ago we are nearer where both belong. There are no amenities in the village which didn't matter when we first came. They do know though after this big freeze I realise more than DH how isolated we are. DH was the driving force to come here,he walks a lot,I don't and am finding that friends I made are growing old just like like us.This house if anything is bigger than the one before.
Do we go to family hundreds of miles away or do we find a flat /apartment in a town with amenities and stay for longer?
I can't say I am not happy but realise a day will come when one of us will be alone.
I would say if you have a good group of friends stay where you are but in a smaller house near lots of amenities. I don't think I would have the where with all to sort all that moving entails out in even 5 years' time never mind 10.
Sometimes people move to the family then they have to move for their jobs and you are left all alone yet again.
Friends are important they are your age and around during the day, go to clubs you might be interested in and for lunch.
Downsize now when you can be bothered.
Best of luck.

My mother and I both moved recently into a different area. I found a bungalow and she found a lovely apartment in an independent living facility.
Her place is lovely, and she has a far better social life now, with a lot of new friends with similar interests.
If you are moving from a house to an apartment, you may release a lot of equity that will help with any charges. Dip your toe in the water and find out about charges, your house value etc, a little spreadsheet or pen and paper and work out the sums.
My mum is very happy with her choice, and it seems to have given her spirits a big boost.
Change can be good. Best of luck

The charges seem quite high (from my flat experience but there was a garage/storage under the flats and the sheer relief of not having to look after gardens and things going wrong with the 1930's house, which is my situation now, make me feel a flat is best.
Insead of spending energy - and money - on gardener and string of repairs, it is a good set-off. In the area I want I won't end up with much equity: as long as my income supports the charges, which it should...

What i'm doing at the moment is asking around and riving round where I think I'd like.

There are a few bungalows there but out of price range and as time goes on an easy to manage flat means I have more time for hobbies and friends.... but I am wary because of difficult neighbours in my last flat living experience, and used to quiet (currently in small 2 bedroom but detached house) I'm pretty fussy..

I feel for you - it's a very hard decision and change is always a bit daunting. But it can also be very exciting and positive too!

We used to live in a very large cottage with a huge garden on the edge of a country village. Coincidentally while we were beginning to think about our future (we were mid 60's at the time) our daughter asked us if we would consider moving nearer to them. It was very scary but we decided to go for it and put out house on the market in 2019.

We sold very quickly and found a lovely house in a village with many more amenities within walking distance, and a short journey on public transport to the nearest city. We chose a modern house with a small garden, so much easier to maintain. Yes, we left friends but have made some new ones. In our case as it was only from Somerset to Gloucestershire we still manage to see some old friends too.

We've already decided that we will move into a flat in our nearest city if we start not coping here. We now know the city well now since our move and there are some lovely flats available. Just got to be aware of the various maintenance fees, etc. which can be substantial.

As others have said, change can be really positive. We've enjoyed living in a new area and it's given us a new lease of life.

I could’ve written part of the OP’s post myself. Although I live on a very busy road, I am 3 miles from the nearest shops, although I have the choice of 2 pubs and an Indian restaurant nearby! My situation is two-pronged, in that I am rattling around in this house on my own, and probably should downsize. However, being sensible, I should downsize to move north of The Tyne to be near both my DD‘s. At the moment it’s not a question of them looking after me, more me helping out with their little ones. However, unless I lived within walking distance of either, I don’t think the ‘problem’ would be solved. I can and still do drive (13k last year) and outside rush hours I can be there in half an hour. DD1 says moving generally costs around £20K - not an insignificant amount, so I think I’ll get a more eco friendly car and stay here for a while more.

Thank you everyone, it's a big decision.

It is a big decision Allsorts and lots of us seem to be at the same stage.
DH died 2 years ago and I don't relish leaving this place where we spent over 40 years.
However, realistically it makes sense to move.
I love the position in the town centre but there isn't an obvious place nearby.
I might wait until the next development is built.
I feel I could be happy in a bedsit now it's so cold. I don't need all these rooms.

Moving costs 20k?

We moved this year and it’s been a positive thing for us. We loved our old house and where it was but we had no services, always needed a car and maintaining the house and garden was becoming a nightmare.

We’re in a new-build now, in a different area but near to our dd. We’re familiar with this place so the social life aspect won’t be too big a challenge and there are lots of things out there to join.

It was a massive exercise to move after 25 years, a big challenge, and I’m glad we didn’t leave it until we were older as I think we could have ended up stuck there. Or worse was what happened to friends. They both had a sudden deterioration in their health and ended up going into emergency residential care, with the decision-making taken out of their hands.

IMO, it pays to be proactive and do it before you’re forced into it.

Wyllow3

Moving costs 20k?

If you factor in estate agents, solicitors, stamp duty, removals, carpets/window coverings and so on it is an expensive business, and that's assuming that your furniture fits in the new place.

Wyllow3

Moving costs 20k?

Depending on the size of the home you live in and the size of your new one, it can be even more. As already mentioned estate agents, solicitors, stamp duty, removals, possibly the necessity of new furniture, it's a colossal amount, £20k I think is being conservative. Then deciding what you are keeping or giving-away/selling and what needs changing in your new home. Moving is such a huge decision/gamble both financially, emotionally and practically.

It certainly is all of the above so best tackled when young and fit enough so that it's a positive choice rather than crisis management and put on to your children. Sorry to be so direct but I see too many unfortunate people who have left it too late.

Aveline, I'm almost in that bracket. When we becomes I and you're older, you get more aware of the downside of living where you have most of your life. It becomes a major probkem. I have a son but although he says move closer there's no amenities and realistically I wouldn't see them much. I feel very much on my own. Those that are very close to your children, know there's a lot of you, it's a very good idea, they could help with the move and you would be nicely
settled when one if you is left on your own. Since my husband died do have two friends. It really leaves a big gap. Know a bungalow in the right position with no garden is ideal but not possible for me round here. I considered new build apartments but they are hard to resell and might leave a problem for my son, so I rejected that idea. They are usually built in places easily accessible to most amenities and you have support, if I had no children I would definitely go for one. The thinking cap is on again.
Gramareto, you seem in an ideal spot, so there's no rush and if there are new builds, affordable, it seems an excellent idea. It's getting the area right so you can continue to be self suffucuent in a manageable place, that says it all really.

Allsorts. Have a hug.
It’s a life changing decision for you and you actually need your son to help out and offer a bit more you don’t say how big the birthday is? Usually I’d suggest age is only a number but this time it could be time to act.
But I’d say if if you are content with you’re social life and everything is going well then be careful not to cut yourself off from that.

Agree absolutely that access to amenities by bus is a major factor.
I was so relieved when my mum moved from her Victorian semi to a flat. She took her time to find the right one. She was lucky to have a family friend who is an estate agent and he would keep an eye open for suitable properties.
She was able to stay in the area she has lived all her life and has been able to keep her independence.
With regards to 'reselling' in the future, I was more concerned that Mum found somewhere that she was comfortable. The property market of the future is an unknown mystery!
Take your time but keep an active ear to the ground.

Allsorts please buy what You want, where You want and enjoy it.

Please Don’t worry about resale value once you are gone, unless you have a Mortgage there will be something for the ACs to have to spend from your Estate.
Your money is for you to use, anything left over can go to the ACs when you are no longer around.

At the moment its hard to re-sell apartments like McCarthy and Stone. It wasn't before Covid, I think it will "Catch up on itself" soonish. What they offer is too much needed, tho it depends if there is a lot of competition on the area you live.

Ah, now I understand, the £20.000. Stamp duty. where I live in the North of England and my resources mean I'm under the level.

Allsorts, with you as regards the realistic approach to family.

Also, one of my grandchildren is severely disabled, she's only 8 and it takes up a lot of family time - and always will, and by the school finishes and they have to decide to keep her at home or a care home I won't be able to help out much if at all. I'm aware that every decision I make is in the light of limited support from family.