My heart goes out

Asking for advice

I’ve had a mother and two of her three children aged 2 and 10ish about who I know in passing our house on way to relatives with her partner who doesn’t seem to work. Three weeks ago she asked me if I could lend her £10 to get babies nappies and bits and bobs (probably food) because she had lost her bank card. So I lent it to her on the say-so that it would be returned next day or 2. It wasn’t but I gave the benefit of the doubt. However in a few days she came back and asked for another £10 which I refused. I was sorry I doubted her when next day she turned up with the borrowed £10. I felt bad I had doubted her. Today she asked again and said she has split up with her parter and could she borrow £10 again (think for food) until tomorrow when she got her social security money paid into her account because she’s split up with her partner. So I lent it but am wondering how to help her to provide for her children rather than having to ask for help. I thought about food banks etc but not sure re other help she can access. I can just tell she’s genuinely struggling. Any advice for me I can give her please.

It's a bit odd that in refusing her an additional £10 she managed to repay the original debt the next day. Not saying it's not genuine but stranger. Life is very difficult for a lot of people, the only way she can get out of this is to help herself by securing employment. I know it's not easy but I can't think of any other way to increase income. She could go to the citizens advice bureau, they will go through her benefits. Personally I would be inclined to give her a gift of the next £10 and then tell her you are unable to help further.

If she is having benefits paid into her bank then she is, presumably, getting some money.

I suppose she may need to tell the dwp about her change in circumstances, and that could take a while to sort out, but I would be very wary of helping her out any more.

If she has split from her partner he could have taken any money she had but that does not help the problem at all,I would direct her to CA Bureau if she is short on money they will arrange for her to visit a food bank which will take the pressure off a wee bit.
Changing from the benefits she is on to Universal Credit will make life much more difficult for her as her monies will stop straight away until the UC is approved.
Can she get help budgeting from someone she may just be mismanaging her benefit or shopping at the wrong shops.I certainly would not be funding her anymore.

Im really not sure what to think, does the lady have family nearby?

Obviously no one here has been skint

Its not that Grannylyn, its just that if I were in that situation, the neighbours would be the last people I would want knowing. I would probably have asked my parents. I dont know the young woman or enough about her circumstances. Yes, I have struggled quite a bit as a young mum. I was fortunate to have family to help, but I know not everyone has.

I'm skint.
I also wouldn't put someone in the uncomfortable position of lending me money when they don't know me that well.

Grannylyn Oh how wrong you are at one point my OH would be paid on a Friday and all went on rent & bills plus food then struggle through until Family Allowance was due on the Tuesday that money topped us up and gave OH the funds to get to work I shopped within my means and homecooked everything no foodbanks then,it is only after 40yrs of us both working hard are we now reaping the rewards.

Thank you for your responses. I’m not her neighbour she used to just pass regularly with her partner to visit his brother, very disabled brother and his sister. Next time I see her I’m going to ask her if she has a close family to help her and tell her to see the CA. Probably make it clear we’re not going to keep lending her money.

Thats the thing about lending money, it ends up never just the once usually. Let's just say Ive learned from bitter experience and nowadays I do not borrow or lend. It does depend who is doing the asking too.