Is this a sign he doesn’t care.

Did you ask him too Bopeep?

Did you ask him to stay at home this weekend and help you or not?

If not, it may either be thoughtlessness on his part, or an assumption that if you needed his help, you would have asked for it, rather than his not caring.

With a broken leg, and being in pain, it is all too easy (and really rather natural) for you to be hurt by your husband taking no notice, but please don't make yourself miserable.

When he comes home, ask if he had a nice day, then say,
"I rather wished I had asked you to stay at home today, I found out I just can't cope on my own right now."

And stop going upstairs to the toilet just to wee! Use a bucket! and ask DH to go to the nearest chemist that stocks them and buy you a She-wee or order one online right now. It will make your life a little more bearable , that I do know.

I hope you feel better soon.

Oh, and if he is going to the chemist, ask him to bring you more painkillers too, or if neither of you have a problem with drink, a bottle of cognac to be taken sparingly by you.

No i didn't i just thought he would have, seeing how much i struggled when he was at work.
Maybe its just thoughtless man syndrome.
grandtanteJE65 what a great idea, especially the cognac.

I wondered too if you had asked him.
I have chronic ill health and sometimes get annoyed at my husband, when he doesn't notice, I am struggling.
He says I only have to ask, but of course I prefer to silently fume and expect him to read my mind! 😉

You should not have to ask your Husband to help you, you are more important than his hobbies. I know how difficult the situation is being in a cast as I have been there with Mr J. This is not just about the weekend but the weeks/months ahead. We put plans in place such as Mr J sleeping downstairs, you definitely should not be going up the stairs. You are going to need help for a little while and your Husband needs to show more care.

How will he know if you don't ask?

I don’t see it as unreasonable to expect the person you live with to realise a broken leg means the person needs looking after

grandtanteJE65

Did you ask him to stay at home this weekend and help you or not?

If not, it may either be thoughtlessness on his part, or an assumption that if you needed his help, you would have asked for it, rather than his not caring.

With a broken leg, and being in pain, it is all too easy (and really rather natural) for you to be hurt by your husband taking no notice, but please don't make yourself miserable.

When he comes home, ask if he had a nice day, then say,
"I rather wished I had asked you to stay at home today, I found out I just can't cope on my own right now."

And stop going upstairs to the toilet just to wee! Use a bucket! and ask DH to go to the nearest chemist that stocks them and buy you a She-wee or order one online right now. It will make your life a little more bearable , that I do know.

I hope you feel better soon.

Oh, and if he is going to the chemist, ask him to bring you more painkillers too, or if neither of you have a problem with drink, a bottle of cognac to be taken sparingly by you.

Really?? I would rather struggle than use a bucket! Determination will get you through!

Seems to me that you need to talk?

Passive aggression is no way to improve a bad relationship

Why is your automatic assumption that his behaviours means he does not care? It rather suggests that there is more to this than meets the eye.

In a happy and successful relationship a whole host of reasons for his behaviour would occur before the thought that he did not care occurs.

TBH I couldn't use a bucket to wee into with two good legs never mind one broken one. I would possibly invest in a commode though I do think as women we are very bad at asking for help from our partners, unfortunately men for the most part can not see past their noses when it comes to caring for others. Have a very lazy day on the sofa and Get him to cook or order takeaway for this evening and make sure he stays close by tomorrow.

Iam64

I don’t see it as unreasonable to expect the person you live with to realise a broken leg means the person needs looking after

Really?

After knee replacement, which I consider similar, I told my husband what I did and did not need help with. I value my ability to take care of myself. He did the same with his knee replacement.

Of course I'm not meaning buying food (can't drive), gardening (couldn't walk on uneven ground), babysitting (they had to stay away).

I took myself to the toilet, I didn't want help. But had I wanted help - I'd ask. He never asked for toilet help either.

I never asked for ice packs, I got my own. He asked, on schedule, for ice packs and I happily brought them to him. I suppose it's a mindset.

I think it depends on what you are both used to in terms of needing help and expectations of same.

Its not just the practicalities tho, is it? It's feeling abandoned emotionally after a very significant shock.

I think you need to be honest and straightforward about how you felt. "I didn't like to ask but...I needed...I felt...."

PS. I'd wee downstairs in suitable receptacle without any hesitation, no big deal.

It seems odd to me that he's continued working, didn't he take any time off to help you? Perhaps you could go to stay somewhere with a bathroom on the level and be properly catered for with meals? He doesn't sound very caring to me..

Norah, I wasn’t suggesting mind reading about what help was needed, more thst a caring mutually supportive partner would not need telling a broken leg would get in the way of lots of stuff

What is it you specifically need help with?

Are they things you can't manage daily or things that can wait until he gets home?

If you want him to stay home, he would need to know:

A: you can't manage alone

B: what you can't manage with

Communicate this to him

I think my DH would have asked a family member or friend to help out in that situation. Not great that you are alone when he is working.

I think communication is the key if he is used to you being the ‘manager’ he would have no idea you needed more help than normal Sone men who are used to not being asked to do things just don’t ‘see’ it
Get a shewee a lot cheaper than a commode although you can borrow commodes from the Red Cross

I don’t think it means he doesn’t care just that he’s not thinking he needs to do more…. in my experience men who have ‘managers’ as wives or partners wouldn’t even think you can’t manage unless you tell him

Iam64

Norah, I wasn’t suggesting mind reading about what help was needed, more thst a caring mutually supportive partner would not need telling a broken leg would get in the way of lots of stuff

Noted. I follow the thesis, for some partners.

Depends, I suppose, on a desire to be independent and one's partner knowing such. Everyone is quite different, it seems.

My mother could be like this- an “atmosphere” because my father had failed to do something he probably didn’t realise needed doing.
Granted, he could be very obtuse when he tried and we all prefer it when people offer, but I learned that if you want something done, you may have to ask - and risk refusal/rejection- which is why I think we don’t like to do,it!
“Doesn’t he care enough?”
For something to stop him going fishing/playing golf/going to the football/rugby or metal detecting?
He’s a man, he has a hobby. Probably not.
You need to point out the struggles you are having and simply tell him you need more help.

If he’s working full time presumably you’re managing while he’s at work Monday to Friday even though some things are difficult and painful. So presumably you can also manage while he’s doing whatever hobby it is on the occasional weekend. If you want his company at present, or to do particular tasks at the weekend, just tell him. He’s not a mind reader,

What do you want help with? if you haven't told him how is he to know?

If you are coping whilst he is at work then he probably assumes that you do not need him.

Thank you everyone, certainly a mixture. Of opinions.

Try living with a Dr. If I didn't cry or ask for help I never got it.
Many incidents come to mind the worst being after an emergency c-section and a lot of after treatment on the day he went back to work about three days after I left the hospital, as he was going he announced he was on call and had to sleep in. Meaning I would not see him until the following day in the evening.
The other after a very nasty gyni opp he showed me how to lower the ironing board and put a chair there for me to use. I decided to have a bath and got stuck. If it hadn't been for my next-door calling to see if I was alright I would have still been stuck in it.
My friend's husband same occupation her lying after falling and cheerfully went off to work.
Cry, shout scream, anything to let him know you are not capable. I stopped cooking or doing any washing.
In the end, my parents came to live with us and he saw what nursing care was.
Now I don't have even to ask. Men do not use their brains like women.