Dementiaville

Yes, I saw it and found it so poignant to see loved ones slipping away from close family members who wanted them there with them in the present, whilst the care home staff were managing their conditions by going with the residents living in the past. Both DS and DiL are dementia nurses and welcome this way of working - they's on NHS wards so don't get as much time to do what care homes can do, but they agree that treating the patient at the stage of their lives they remember fondly is life enhancing. Unfortunately, some people with dementia are distressed by times that they would rather not re-live. I'm going to watch the other programmes - very interesting.

Has anyone become a Dementia Friend? I've joined and will go to a training day in due course. The more I can learn, the better.

I found it was disgraceful to make entertainment out of peoples illness.

I don't disagree with the idea of entering into their fantasies, I used to do this with an elderly relative years ago, its easier than repeating yourself over and over again and sometimes they get aggressive.

I just don't think this is something to be shown as entertainment.

Why not make a film set in a home for those with severe learning disabilities or people with MS. Of course they could make a film inside a hospice detailing peoples last days. The thought just disgusts me, sorry.

Im not against reality tv but those people were not able to agree to being filmed, even if the relative may have done.

It is vastly different when someone gives their consent and is able to do so.

I think that's a very harsh assessment ethelbags. It was an interesting, informative and, I think, moving programme - I'm not sure I would classify it as "entertainment".

For someone with a close relative who has dementia I would have thought this programme was very helpful and, in some ways, reassuring.

The lady who went to see her husband twice a day even though he wasn't really sure who she was, would, I feel certain, not have been happy to allow her husband to be filmed unless she thought it was done sensitively and with the best intentions.

Why should people with dementia be locked away and never seen, like a dirty secret? According to the programme, dementia is something that one third of the population will experience and we need to face it full on rather than pretend it can't happen to us or the people we love.

What I did find a bit offensive was one of the programmes about the emergency services which dealt specifically with what was called the "problem" of an ageing population. Some of the paramedics (though not all) had, I thought, a slightly disrespectful attitude to elderly people and seemed on one or two occasions to find them rather comical. I understand that people dealing with distressing situations have to use humour to make the job bearable, but I think this would have been better kept under wraps than aired in a TV programme.

I meant my remarks in a general way, everything on tv is entertainment.

Those inmates would have had no say in it.
They don't have to be 'locked away', they can go out if they like. Im sure the staff take them out. eloethen

I don't find harrowing TV news reports entertaining, nor are many 'entertainment' programmes all that entertaining. Dementiaville is a well-made informative programme that I have already learnt from, and it is ill-informed to assume that people with dementia cannot give consent nor attend to their own affairs for at least part of their lives.

Didn't find it distasteful in any way, in fact it was full of humanity and lovely to see so many smiley faces on the old folks.

We spontaneously did this with my MIL when she was in an earlier stage of dementia - went "with her" what ever she said. So her son (my husband) "became" her brother and they spent many a happy hour together reminiscing. I'm amazed actually that it's something that people have to be told is a good idea. It just seems like an obvious way of dealing with it.

Why would you tell someone something (in the present) when you know they have no memory ...? Just doesn't make sense to me.

I think TV programmes can usefully be used to educate people about things. If you want to call educational programmes entertainment, go ahead, but it seems a feeble reason to object to them. In fact, isn't education one of the things the BBC is supposed to do? Was it a BBC programme?

Channel 4, thatbags.

Thanks, ana.

I liked the way the staff wore pyjamas for the night shift, to let their charges know that it was time to be in bed. I was pleased to see so many smiles, quite unusual for such a place! I hope if dementia happens to me, that I shall be treated in this way.

I liked this programme and found it interesting but upsetting and I must say I had tears in my eyes at the end. It's just so terrible and we don't know how we will end up.

I didn't watch this as I am living with an H who is some way along the dementia route, and he is well aware what is wrong with him.We are particularly upset at the moment with all the adverts for more research funding for the Alzheimer's society which says there is no help and no cure and it will only get worse. I can't switch off and to divert his attention is so obvious.To live with it as I am doing is something I would never, ever, wish on anyone.

Oh, ann, how very sad for you both...

I haven't seen the programme but I think this belief that dementia patients should be forced to confront the 'truth' of what has happened (husband died etc) is arrogant and insensitive behaviour that shows no respect for the demented person involved.

People with dementia do not live in our world, they live in the world of their dementia and our reality is not theirs. Why should we insist that they have to live in our reality when we will not live in theirs?

I have been official carer for several relatives with dementia and I always did my best to inhabit their world. When my uncle went into care he had a constant worry that he had got an appointment to see the bank manager and was going to miss it. After several weeks of trying to reassure him that he did not have such an appointment, I decided to change tack. I told him that I had spoken to the manager, told him that my uncle was away from home so the appointment had been cancelled and would be rebooked when he got back home again. My uncle never mentioned the subject again. Once he got an answer that accorded with his reality he was able to relax and stop worrying.

I mentioned this to a member of staff, who gave a sigh of relief. She said that people, mainly relatives, constantly correcting resident's 'errors' just left their family member distressed and confused and that care staff were encouraged to go along with residents thought processes as long it did not cause distress or behaviour that endangered themselves or others.

Sorry to hear that Annsixty, I can see that those ads, which are constantly on tv would be upsetting for the both of you in the circumstances.
I read today that 1 in 14 people will get dementia of some kind, and I suppose it adds to the awareness of it and hopes that people will pick it up in the early stages so that it can be managed or improved.

Thank you I am grateful for understanding. Like everyone else we never thought it would happen to us. H was an intelligent professional ( a FRICS ) and enjoyed all sports.It is a condition that respects no-one, age,intelligence , social position or anything else.

I've always been bemused by the attitude that dementia patients should always be 'told the truth', it seemed needlessly cruel. Was it some guideline issued by the health department?

I'm glad anyway that the professionals now seem to be changing tack.

When I was practising as a RMN I worked for many years in a dementia unit. I was sent on a course entitled Reality Orientation. The speaker impressed upon us the importance of keeping people in reality, telling them the truth at all times. What a load of tosh! When someone asks where his father is, I never told him his father was dead, as the speaker said to do. Why distress him further, it must be like being bereaved all over again! Good for the home on TV. I didn't see the programme, but I may well watch it on catch up.

I have recorded this programme as I want some help with how to deal with my dad as his dementia will get worse. I am new to all this and as much as I can read online about how it will progress, it is good to get some tips from those who have gone/going through it which is the best way to deal with someone with the condition and make life easier for both of us. I do not want to leave him after a visit upset and distressed. I have been told it is not what is said to a dementia patient, but how you leave them feeling so to go along with what they are saying sounds like a better way to treat to me and then they are left with a good feeling and not confused and hurt. Any more help is going to be nothing but beneficial to patients, carers, families. I am glad they have done these programmes, I need them.

Towards the end of my mother's life she confused me with her youngest sister and would talk about where we both sat around the family dining table – she was very proud that she always sat next to her father (who died before I was born) but "I" sat the end. I loved, admired and respected my youngest aunt and knew exactly how she would have responded in the same situation – she cared for my grandmother in old age when she became somewhat confused. Similarly, one time when my mother was in hospital for a minor problem she told me how my father had visited her. I realised that it was, in fact, one of my friends – a very kind, courteous, soft-spoken gentlemanly man just like my dad, who had died in 1979. Why should I have disillusioned her and destroyed her happy moment?

I'm with Henry James on this one: be kind, be kind, be kind.

I know little of dementia but did work as a receptionist at a mental health charity for many years. Mental illness is seldom visible. Telling client from visiting psychiatrist from delivery man could be difficult and anyway I didn't have the relevant training. I never knew what the person standing before me was seeing, what his/her 'reality' was. And who was I to say what was real? I was told by my trained bosses to try to enter their world. (For safety's sake as much as anything)

I remember having a very serious conversation with one gentleman who was about to meet his Russian contact on the city hall steps to get his payment for some spying he'd been doing. Sounded very plausible he did! (He was meeting his mum.)

By entering their world they felt safe. I once brought my morphined up mum back when she thought she was standing on a ledge of a high building and was clinging to the bed rails for grim death for fear of falling. The nurse just kept telling her she was in bed and safe, but this wasn't where mum was in her world. By joining her on the ledge and holding her hand we were able to return to the bed together.

I didn't see the programme but wished I had. What channel was it on?

Ethelbags1. 'They' are not 'inmates' 'they' are residents.

Last week I visited my mother-in-law who has dementia. She kept insisting that I go and get my husband, who was supposed to be in the restaurant eating a sandwich. When she decided to get up herself to go and get him, I told her he had died three years ago.
She said, "was I told?"
What would you have done?
I have spent hours pushing her round the home, up and down corridors, looking in rooms for dead people who she insists she has just seen.
Sometimes it's just too upsetting to go along with the lies. I refused to go looking for my husband.
Ten minutes later she thought I was her parents cousin.