TV Chefs - pleasure or pain?

One for Room 101 then papaoscar. beautifully written and I have to say I agree with much of what you are saying. Apart from The Hairy Bikers I don't bother to watch cookery programmes at all.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stuff I learned as basic domestic science is now revealed as a magic way of actually making (as opposed to buying in a packet) a simple white sauce!
I ditched them a while ago, and I eat what I like too!

I did enjoy your rant, papaoscar and agree with you, although not so strongly. I like cooking programmes, but squirm at the pretentiousness. I like beautifully presented, well-cooked fresh food, but dislike extreme displays that, when you look more carefully, don't contain enough to satisfy the appetite of a hamster. I don't mind chefs turning up on panel or charity shows, but if it's Question Time, I'm not interested in their opinions unless they've got a proven track record and have some expertise on a range of political topics.

In the last year a (some time ago) Masterchef contestant has joined our family and his science and chemistry knowledge that underpins his cooking is impressive. He, too, cringes at the celeb cult of certain chefs, and his mission, if he has one, is just to see people enjoy what he makes for them.

Great post, papaoscar.

I have never watched a cooking programme. From what I can gather they mainly include a competitive element (which seems pointless) or some guy swearing and bullying everyone. Please tell me I have got this wrong and I should watch them!

I watched the Hairy Bikers' Asian Adventure the other night and it was educational to learn about the Japanese people and food they were presenting. I think they're in South Korea soon, and will find that equally interesting, I'm sure. Simply seeing chefs in kitchens, showing off their frying abilities, is boring.

Well said papaoscar I hope you feel better for having got that off your chest. I feel better for reading it.
I'm a good cook, I even did the City & Guilds while DD1 was a baby. I am sure that what we see on the plates on TV is not worth eating. Because to film meals they have to be almost raw or the pictures are unappetising.
I think cakes are an exception, but all the cakes on TV are to be eaten at once and a good baker knows that you decorate a cake some hours later.

Many thanks, Hon. Members, for your kind comments. Having sharpened up my old kitchen cleaver on the whetstone of suppressed vengeance, I'm keen to see some of these bloated cooking windbags roasted on the spit of public criticism or stewed in the gastric juices of all those they have led up the (kitchen) garden path.

I have always enjoyed a quiet snigger when, after Christmas, I see all those glossy, marked down seasonal must-have cooking volumes remaindered on the bookshop shelves. Sadly and inevitably they will, of course, be followed by yet more denuded forests of essential reading about the culinary benefits of previously unheard-of bits of this, that, or the other from the relentless army of cookery gurus.

Fortunately, we are no longer able, or even desire, to indulge ourselves in the actual extravagant restaurant offerings and experiences of some of these over-paid sprigs of glitz and pompous so-called cheffery, but if we were, I would get incandescent to be charged a four-figure sum for a large plate of pretentious nothingness. So I'll stick to the good old-fashioned comfort food that I know and adore...but then the word 'diet' looms up ahead and has me reaching for my old cleaver again!

(Whispering)......pssst!! papaoscar ......want to buy a blowtorch, cheap?

I wonder how many of us have watched these programmes, seen chef-y gadgets and thought we must have one to make our lives complete? C'mon....fess up! I don't know how I've resisted some, but have succumbed to a fancy pasta machine and tiny grinder for coffee beans and spices (rarely used).

You mean you don't have a sous-vide machine, When? They're a snip at £250.

I would still use a Thermomix if I could afford one though.

Ha ha, merlot. No, if the urge comes over me, I buy boil in the bag rice!

Thoroughly enjoyed your ranting posts, paposcar. I suppose I'm a bit of a luddite where kitchen kit and watching tv are concerned, but have been aware of the seemingly blanket commersialisation of cookery programmes and books.

Give me some interesting cookery books, (Ottolenghi), sharp knives, a chopping board or two, some decent pans, 50 years cooking experience, and a good meal can be produced to feed the hungry. Limited income also helps.

Have a friend who was chatting about 'formers'. I had no idea what they were - and now I do. Into the bin for useless information.

I agree that things have gone to far (witness my towering pile of ripped out recipes (from magazines) and printed out ones (from the internet). I regularly go through the pile and discard half, only to replace them with yet more.

But, we can't stand still or we would still be eating 'cold' on Monday, rissoles on Tuesday etc etc!

And, I love my blowtorch and I'm hoping to find something else to do with it as we are getting quite fedup with creme brulee.

Ah, kitchen implements! What a rich vein of expensive, flashy, and often almost totally useless artefacts come to mind. Memories of unhappy hours spent dismantling gizmos to try and clean out logs jams of congealed dross, then trying to put the bits back together again. Heaven preserve me from the multi-purpose tool which does everything poorly and nothing well. Like the slicer very good for whipping bits off fingers, reminiscent of something straight out of the Spanish Inquisition or some awful mass circumcision rite.

My latest excursion into the black hole of kitchen redundancy has been the special plastic bags into which you place your cheese sandwiches before slipping them into the toaster. Foolproof and perfect results were promised and first indications were promising. Glorious smells of toasting cheese and HP sauce indeed wafted our way, but when I went to retrieve the same I found that the bags had split depositing burnt toast and molten cheese over the elements. This mess soon solidified and I was unable to keep this knowledge from the High Priestess, who immediately broke off diplomatic relations and imposed an instant exclusion zone for me from the kitchen. Ah, such is life in the pursuit of progress.

Now, whilst I've been reading the paper, hiding in the shed behind the comforting bulk of the redundant strap-on portable gas barbecue from last summer, I note that our local Mega warehouse is offering a fabulous-looking contraption the size of a small wheelbarrow which will actually make two cups of steaming, frothing coffee at the same time. And all for just £399! That should surely sooth the fevered brow of Her Holiness and help to restore me to my lowly place in the pecking order...

I would keep away from caffeine for a while if I were you, papaoscar

I am enjoying this thread!

Papaoscar I have enjoyed your posts.

I hope that the very lovely James Martin is not included in the above tirade

Hear, hear papaoscar

I had to suppress a moan of despair when I heard that Master Chef is coming back to our TVs soon.

I can't stand Masterchef

James Martin is definitely not included as far as I'm concerned!!

I find cooking programmes ineffably boring. The only one I have ever found interesting, and then for one series only, was River Cottage with Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and it was the food production and sourcing that interested me, not the cooking.

It is not that I do not like food or cooking, it is just that I find it very boring to watch.

Same here. I do enjoy The Sewing Bee though!

I am becoming sick of the sight of chefs cooking outdoors and that includes, I'm afraid, the lovely James Martin. At least he doesn't sit down and try and balance it all on his knees like Jamie Oliver and Dick Strawbridge but the other day he was cooking in a polytunnel and then complained because he was too hot