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getting to the point of "no return"

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dignify1980 Tue 25-Aug-26 11:51:29

To those who married at one point or another, I wanted to know how you felt in the lead up to the wedding day itself? Did you have any lingering doubts and then they slowly faded as the day approached? Or did those doubts continue, and you proceeded to marry anyway? Curious to know how you managed those doubts or fears. To be more specific were there are certain patterns of behaviour that you were concerned about? I think we all have baggage and issues and none of us are perfect.

And then for those of you who got divorced or separated, can you trace anything back a moment before marriage, where you felt that was something you should have paid more attention to?

Do you believe you can be sure 100% certain about the person who spend the rest of your life with? Do you know of any instances where marriages have worked out despite one person or both parties not feeling certain? And finally, do you know of instances where one person called off the wedding at the last minute, say within weeks and what were the reasons (if known)?

I know you're probably wondering why I'm asking all this but I'll come onto another time, I just wanted to get some general perspectives now.

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lovethepuppies Wed 26-Aug-26 23:21:56

I don't mind answering. I had no doubts. I had my rose coloured glasses on too.

I think it's better to call of a wedding last minute than make a serious mistake and go through the pain of a difficult marriage and divorce later.

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DiamondLily Mon 31-Aug-26 17:40:55

My first marriage, age 18, I was full of doubts about. I stuck it out until the kids were adult, then I walked. I married to get away from my family home - big mistake.

My second marriage, in my late 40’s, I had no doubts about. We were happy together, for many years, until he died. 😊

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Sandgrownun Wed 16-Sept-26 16:42:58

Hello, Sorry for the late comment. I'm not here much. I don't need to know the what, whys and wheres. You've got a niggle and want some thoughts or experiences people may have.
Working backwards, I don't know anyone who called anything off in the last few weeks. On this I would ask myself has this been building (or on a constant simmer)? In this case, pulling the plug may be for the best. It's far harder to undo after the event. However, if the doubts are very last minute that may just be nerves. I have zero experience so those are just my thoughts.
As for "lingering doubts and then they slowly faded as the day approached" unfortunately, I do have experience. My experiences are related to lies or being mislead by missing information.
Lying is a very bad start. If they are found out rather than telling you it shows a lack of respect and maybe an indication they don't see you as equal. In this case it is probably best to put a stop to anything going further. I left this too late and spent 6 years trying to make it work - it didn't.
Being mislead by not being told may lead to difficulties if someone leaves a really crucial part of their history out until marriage is planned. Later they may turn out to be the sort of person who generally doesn't tell you things. It doesn't make life easy as there's always doubts. It can work (sort of) if the doubts can be squashed but it is likely to rankle over the years (decades) if you stick with it.
I don't believe in 100% certainty but I do think being misled or lied to are red flags that I wish I'd been wise to.

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