Speaking my mind!

I do feel the urge to speak my mind more .... but I zip the lip!

ViceVersa

DaisyAnneReturns

I think people can become more assertive as they get older. That could be for many reasons. Someone could feel unheard, or it may be that is socially more acceptable now. As long as it's not aggressive I don't see a problem.

The trouble is that what one person may see as 'assertive' may well come across as aggressive to another, especially the person on the receiving end.

I totally agree. I suppose it depends on what you define as "assertive". We should be socially aware of course ... ....

I was always assertive and fiesty but when I became menopausal I lost my confidence and became anxious about lots of things. The correct dose of HRT helped enormously and I'm now confident again but not as intent on 'speaking my mind'.
A good balance!

DaisyAnneReturns

I think people can become more assertive as they get older. That could be for many reasons. Someone could feel unheard, or it may be that is socially more acceptable now. As long as it's not aggressive I don't see a problem.

The trouble is that what one person may see as 'assertive' may well come across as aggressive to another, especially the person on the receiving end.

hoomee29

It's rather arrogant to assume that because you don't care what people think, you can spout anything that comes into your head. What about hurting their feelings? And perhaps a tendency to hold forth before you know all the facts? That just makes you look stupid. There's an old saying "least said, soonest mended". That does take a bit of self control and wisdom, but we should have learnt those by now!

👏 👏

I think people can become more assertive as they get older. That could be for many reasons. Someone could feel unheard, or it may be that is socially more acceptable now. As long as it's not aggressive I don't see a problem.

It's rather arrogant to assume that because you don't care what people think, you can spout anything that comes into your head. What about hurting their feelings? And perhaps a tendency to hold forth before you know all the facts? That just makes you look stupid. There's an old saying "least said, soonest mended". That does take a bit of self control and wisdom, but we should have learnt those by now!

Oh, and Ive learnt that "over and out" is the best way to speak!

Itherwise, you're the only person getting het up and angry. That festers and harbours resentment. I've been there, and it's not good.

I don't think I speak my true mind, though I do say the first thing, impulsively, that comes to mind. So maybe I do speak my mind?!

But never aggressively or rudely.

I don't think I get angry with people. I might form an opinion which could lead me to avoiding them, challenging their thinking, or avoiding the subject.

However, I am very angry about how a company has behaved over recent months. So much so that it's made me try and work out why I'm angry as the only person my anger affects is me! That's what made me ask the question about loss of autonomy - I realised that I felt this company has added to mine.

I’m the opposite, as I get older I’m managing to be more careful about what I say.
I’ve always dropped clangers, take my foot out of my mouth, only to immediately ram the other one in.

butterandjam

DaisyAnneReturns

Stillness

Does anyone find that as they get older, they speak their mind more…..even get angry more easily? I’m struggling to cope with the fall out from this. When younger, I was much less assertive but now…I just can’t seem to stop myself. I feel that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me, I’ll voice my opinion whatever, and sometimes it causes problems by being so forthright! Perhaps I should try harder to exercise some self discipline?

A sudden loss of empathy is concerning. Have you been under stress or ill recently?

Nothing in Stillness post suggests any loss of "empathy"
(sudden or otherwise).

Forgetting the real meaning of words would be more concerning , but she shows no sign of that either.

It seems you've attributed positions to me that I never expressed. I didn't claim the post showed a loss of empathy, and questioning whether I understand the meaning of words doesn't address my argument. If you disagree with what I actually said, I'd be interested in hearing why.

My mum used to make comments about people quite loudly.
I managed to get her to have a hearing test. She now has a hearing aid and has toned it down thank goodness.
At the moment she is complaining about a tennis player going to the loo and taking too long!

My mother was a great one for speaking her mind. It’s probably why she’s ended up friendless and estranged from people.

As I’ve got older I think I am more assertive in such things as dealing with the NHS, which I had to be, in order to get the care my Dh needed in his final illness. Same with poor treatment in shops, with utilities and so on. I try to choose my words carefully, though, because that’s the way to get the result you wish for, in my experience.

Wouldn't you challenge racism if you hear it?
Why tolerate it?
Silence means assent or will be taken as such.
Other opinions and ideas are up to the individual.
Unless they are offensive I let people get on with it.
Eg political views. Boring people I try to avoid.

I think if you are married to a man who is a bit older, as many are, as time goes on you become more of a carer and just have to be a bit more assertive because you are taking over things that they used to do previously. That is how it is for me now . I wish it wasn’t but that’s life. There is a difference between assertiveness and rudeness,though of course.

I think it’s a biological thing, women become more assertive and men less so.

Have an older sister who speaks her mind, she calls it ‘saying it as it is’. Recently someone had a word with her at a group she goes to because my sister had upset another member by ‘saying it as it is’.
Of course my sister was in high dudgeon about it and says she isn’t going to the group anymore. I tried to get it through to her that she can be a tad robust with people at times but as usual she then rounded on me so I left it.

keepcalmandcavachon

No, I try to avoid situations or people which may cause less than pleasant outcomes! I know my limits (arthritis pain) and tend towards 'tweaking' my schedule for optimum pleasure.
A silly example - I normally go to the supermarket very early, park close, nice chat with the coffee shop staff, wander the empty(ish) aisles and back home with plenty of morning left.
Not so today and I felt decidedly frazzled by the busy buzz of everything.
I no longer feel obliged to chat to anyone who brings my energy down and don't watch the news more than once a day.
I try to find meaning in life through nature, interesting books & hobbies and pursuits
Peace and calm are my number one goals and I work at filtering out a lot of the other 'life noise' that might other wise impact my welbeing.
I personally believe that we are not meant to know all the things all the time!

I think you’re absolutely right😃

Yes Shel1951 couldn't agree more.
I have to avoid a couple of people who never fail to touch a raw nerve with what they come out with.

Listening properly is an art but these particular people never stop giving their opinion if you allow them.

Wise words Shel1951

I find I have an opinion now on things that wouldn't bother me when younger but I also keep them to myself unless asked, even then I think before I speak as I used to get frustrated with people a while back and realised I m just stressing myself ,who cares what I think really as another day passes and something new takes its place, I only have so many summers to go and I would like to have friends

^a sudden loss of empathy is concerning*
My dearest friend was an educator to care workers / nursing staff.
I asked her once, what were the first signs you saw in your own mother. Loss of empathy 😥
I knew her mother through looking after her garden. A beautiful kind caring person.

DaisyAnneReturns

ViceVersa

Oh, the irony!

Good example ViceVersa. Cryptic remarks (sometimes called snarky asides) are another way of showing anger. It isn't always direct.

There's nothing cryptic about VV's comment. Or anything suggesting anger.

DaisyAnneReturns

Stillness

Does anyone find that as they get older, they speak their mind more…..even get angry more easily? I’m struggling to cope with the fall out from this. When younger, I was much less assertive but now…I just can’t seem to stop myself. I feel that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me, I’ll voice my opinion whatever, and sometimes it causes problems by being so forthright! Perhaps I should try harder to exercise some self discipline?

A sudden loss of empathy is concerning. Have you been under stress or ill recently?

Nothing in Stillness post suggests any loss of "empathy"
(sudden or otherwise).

Forgetting the real meaning of words would be more concerning , but she shows no sign of that either.